If you’ve been dating for a while and you still find yourself looking for Mr(s) Right, you’re probably a bit frustrated by trying to meet someone to date. Maybe even discouraged with love as a whole.

When new clients come to me, it’s not just frustration they are dealing with. Deep down, they’re actually scared.

“What’s wrong with me?” 

“Will anyone ever love me?” 

“What if there’s no one left for me?”

If this sounds familiar, I hear you. I feel deeply for your situation. However, I also want you to know that there is hope. 

You aren’t unlovable.

It’s not you… but it might be the way you’ve been dating.

If you’ve been looking for love the same way, in the same places, choosing the same types of people, or repeating the same dating patterns, you will never yield the right results. 

However, when you learn how to strategically meet and date the right people for you, you will stop wasting time with poor matches, show up more authentically, and recognize better matches when they do appear.

What Does It Mean to Date Strategically?

Knowing how to meet and date the right people for you, more strategically, is the second pillar of my Motivated to Marry® methodology. 

Before this step, you need to make sure you’ve done the internal work and prepared yourself for finding love.

That you’ve gotten crystal clear on your relationship values and goals.

Because more than likely, you’ve never been truly taught to date in a way that actually is aligned with who you are, what you value, and the kind of relationship you envision for your life.

Yet this is what strategic dating is all about. Intentionally putting your true self out there, in the right places, and in the right way to meet the love of your life.

It’s about not wasting time doing what everyone else is doing, but creating a personalized plan that aligns with your values, fits with your personality and how you desire to live your life.

Meeting People in More Strategic Places

If you are still going to clubs and bars, hoping to bump into Mr/s Right, or tossing up a generic dating profile on all the major dating apps, you are probably overwhelmed.

Either by the lack of dateable people you’re meeting or by how to filter through too many mis-“matches” you’re receiving online.

But the problem isn’t actually online dating or trying to meet someone new out and about. It’s how you’re going about it. 

So here are some basic tips for where and how to strategically meet the right people to date.

In-Person 

It’s not that getting out to meet people is the problem; it’s not being discerning about where you’re putting your time and energy.  

The problem with trying to find people in bars or clubs is that you don’t know anything about anyone. Except maybe the kind of drinks they like. 

What makes more sense is to consider what you enjoy and value, and where people with those same interests and values may be. 

For example, if you’re active and love the outdoors, get involved in hiking, biking, or whatever sporting/outdoorsy groups are in your area. 

If you value service or activism of a particular type, consider volunteering or joining local organizations that serve that need. 

If you’re a hobbyist, sign up for a class or get involved in a group where that hobby is celebrated, be it music, pottery, dancing, or board gaming. MeetUp Groups are a great way to find people with shared interests!

Look for places where you will see the same people over a period of time, rather than events where you’ve got one shot to get it right.

You can still enjoy the occasional singles mixer, and it’s great fun to join a singles excursion, but invest the bulk of your time more intentionally.

Online Dating Apps

80% of my successfully coupled clients have met their spouse or partner online. Online dating is one of the best ways to meet your perfect person, if you know how to do it correctly. 

The best online dating profiles aren’t generic.

They are authentic, honest, unique, and specific! 

Your profile photos need to be current, inviting, and clearly you! I’ve seen clients with photos that were blurry, full of other people, or even 10+ years old. Consider hiring a professional online dating photographer, they are worth it. 

Don’t be shy about putting your goals for dating front and center on your profile.

If you’re looking for love that leads to marriage, having children, or a partnership, say it! 

Yes, conventional dating wisdom screams to be vague so you’ll attract more “matches”. But for most of my clients, it’s not the quantity of matches that’s the problem; it’s the quality of the matches!

You don’t want someone who’s dating “just for fun and friendship”.

No, you want someone who also values commitment and is actively looking for their perfect person too. You may not meet Mr(s) Right right away, but at least you’ll start meeting people with similar end goals.

Learn how to better filter your matches against your values, goals, and must-haves/deal-breakers.

Your vision of your ideal partner must be so clear that you can filter out the “almosts” easily and without compromise. 

Also, consider not just being on the large dating sites but also a smaller, more niche dating app that caters to what’s unique about you. 

Personal Introductions

I know everyone groans at the idea of the dreaded blind date, but a key strategy that I teach all my clients is how to enlist a team of ambassadors or “connectors”. 

Connectors are people who are already in your life and are supportive of your goals in finding lasting love. These people are already looking out for you.

They just lack the right information to make a quality match for you. This is why most blind dates are so bad! 

I help my clients create a 30-second infomercial to equip their connectors with truly useful information about what the perfect person for you actually looks like, inside and out. You’ll be providing clear direction to those who desire to help you with your search. 

Many of my clients have met their spouses through their team of connectors. If you employ this method, the next time Aunt Marge tells you she’s found you “the one”, she might actually be right. 

Date with More Intention and Discernment

Once you’ve met someone who has potential, you have to actually go on a date. 

Does the idea of a first date fill you with dread or make you giddy?

Strategic dating isn’t just about where to meet someone. It’s also about knowing how to show up, connect, evaluate, and decide what comes next.

Keep it Simple 

Consider your first date more of a first meeting. Pick a neutral place for a short, daytime meetup. Something like lunch or coffee is a perfect way to ease into a new friendship.

A coffee date may sound cliché, but it’s an easy, low-stakes way to see if there is any compatibility, interest, or chemistry. 

If you both have fun, you can plan a more interesting, activity-type second date.

Show Up Authentically

Don’t twist yourself into being the “perfect date.” Be thoughtful, kind, and appropriately polished, but still yourself. 

Share enough of yourself to make a real connection and let your personality shine through. Be curious, ask interesting questions, and listen well.

Look for Compatibility, Not Just Chemistry

Chemistry matters, but it’s rarely enough to sustain a relationship. Chemistry can’t tell you whether someone is emotionally available, shares your values, wants the same kind of future, or has the character needed for lasting love.

However, chemistry is often responsible for bad relationship decisions. Don’t let sparks cause you to rush a connection or into intimacy. 

Alternatively, don’t dismiss someone too quickly just because there are no fireworks. Attraction often grows as people get to know and appreciate each other. 

Learn to Say No Sooner

Many singles get stuck at this point. Strategic dating also means not dragging things out if it doesn’t feel right. 

You should be keeping a watch out for unaligned values, mismatched goals, and red flags that signal someone isn’t worth your time. 

Learn how to kindly end a new relationship the moment you realize it isn’t a clear fit.

Save your time and emotional energy for someone who is actually aligned, clearly has the same relationship goals, and is showing up without playing games. 

Build a Dating Plan That Actually Fits Your Life.

Another common dating mistake is trying to do too much, or not enough at all. If you want to meet and date the right people, you have to have the time for it! 

Many seriously searching singles say they want love. Yet, they have so much going on, they’re lost on how to fit a new person into their life.

So it’s important to create a workable dating plan that you can stick to, especially in the beginning. 

This might look like 30 minutes a few nights a week to check out and message online matches. Then maybe two to four hours per weekend for actual meetups or dates.

Or maybe it’s one singles event, special interest activity, or meetup group a month, mixed in with online dating. 

Regardless, a dating plan helps you stop treating love like something you will “get to eventually”. Instead, you’ll start making space for the actual relationship you say you want.

If Something Isn’t Working, Refine the Process

Your strategy for meeting and dating the right people probably won’t be perfect at first, and that’s okay. Sometimes you need to pause and evaluate. 

You have to be open to making adjustments. This might mean going back through and refining your values, tweaking your profile, addressing emotional gremlins, etc.

And this is where having a dating coach on your team becomes invaluable. 

I walk my clients through this process. Together, we figure out what’s working, what isn’t, and I provide feedback and guidance to get them back to dating

Many of my clients are surprised by how much changes within a few months of coaching once they have more clarity and confidence.

If true love has eluded you, it doesn’t mean you’ve missed your chance. 

It just means you need a better process, better support, and a more intentional way to meet and date the right people. 

I’d love to help and show you how my Method can help you take your next step toward love.

(P.S. Marriage is not always the end goal with my clients. I have many clients in loving, thriving life partnerships)

Schedule a complimentary Meet Your Mate Strategy Session with me. Let’s discuss how you can begin meeting and dating the right people for love today!

About the Author

is a certified life coach and dating/relationship expert who has helped hundreds of marriage-minded singles find lasting, committed partnerships since 2005. Through private coaching and group programs, she specializes in helping people date with clarity, confidence, and purpose.