Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex that you would consider dating? Let’s look at the reasons why you may do so and the reasons you wouldn’t. As a dating and relationship coach I do encourage my clients to go back and consider their close opposite sex friends as potential marriage partners. I have seen it happen in several instances.

It does take looking at your BF with new eyes. I take my clients through a series of exercises to see if there is a remote chance you are missing a great person and passing them over for some reason. Most of my clients are over 35 and have gained a greater understanding about who would be a good life partner for them. When a client gets greater clarity of their values and life goals, then they can recognize more easily that someone they have know for a long time could actually be the right one. However, you do have to tread carefully so you don’t lose the friendship in the process if it ends up not working out.

First, you have to make sure that your life goals are the same. Do have the same goals and see the two of you going in the same direction? Do you want the same things out of life? For instance, one person wants children and the other may not want kids. So that may be a reason not to move forward with a romantic relationship leading to something with long term potential.

Second, are your core values aligned? You are usually friends with someone who looks at the world with similarly to you. Yet, in this case there may be something not quite right that you have that feeling that tells you to keep your physical distance.

Third, are you compatible? Can you live together in harmony and respect each other’s needs (and quirks)? Are there no apparent deal breakers that you see?

And last, and not least, are you physically attracted to your best friend? The funny thing is as we get to know someone and feel close to them, we may become more physically attracted. This may not be immediate, however, there is a recognition of a potential physical attraction that can develop.

This reminds me of Friends TV sitcom when Monica and Chandler finally got together. Perhaps you are a part of a group of friends and are concerned about the uncomfortable dynamics that could come into play.

And yes, timing is very important too.

I had a client that after her divorce, her best friend (who had never been married) was there for her. As it turned out, he had a crush on her. Once she was ready for a new relationship, she recognized he had the qualities that she was looking for. Women, more so than men, can become more attracted to someone who is truly like what they are looking for. She was in her early 40’s now and they ended up getting married and having a child together.

By the way, when I conduct a deep values clarification session with my clients- the values usually are the same as those of their best friends. I even had some guy friends that I was interested in dating when I was single. I hung back and waited for them to make a move. They either were not in a good place or I realized I wasn’t who they were looking for in a partner.  (I am a creative clutter person and they probably told themselves they couldn’t live with me or I may have been older than that wanted since they did want a family. I was already 40 and they were in their late 30’s).

So your true love may already be within your circle of friends. It does take a bit of risk taking to make the move to see if your friend is also thinking along the same lines. Of course you may not want to chance it and make it weird between the two of you.

And if your friend starts dating another, then it’s time to back off and see if that relationship will go anywhere serious.

So if you take stock of your still single opposite sex friends (who are heterosexual) that you can count on and trust, does one stand out in your mind? Your true marriage partner may be closer than you think!

What is your experience with dating someone who is your friend first? Do you think that a friendship can turn romantic? This curious coach would love to know your thoughts.

Intentionally yours,

Coach Amy Schoen

PS. Now is the time to follow do the work so you can be ready when you do meet that special person. Let’s talk about how I can support your dating efforts and open up your horizons to meet more quality people for a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. www.talkwithcoachamy.com and let’s get going!