Often, a client seeking my help asks me, “Why can’t I find true love?” Not only do I hear their frustrations, but I understand where they’re coming from.
I get it. It feels like finding a needle in a haystack!
After my divorce, I was serious about finding a life partner who would be my forever person. At 38, I was attractive, slim, had a good personality, and was educated. So I wondered, “Why can’t I find true love?” I have stories to fill a book about my mishaps and the “almost, not quite” relationships I had in my post-divorce years.
Instead of dwelling on the question, “Why can’t I find true love?” what would you think of turning this around? I’d love to show you how you can turn it into a more positive perspective.
First of all, each interaction with a prospective partner gives you new insights about how you are in a relationship and what your contribution is in picking the wrong people. These new insights can help you learn what you really want next time.
Granted, not everyone is whom they say they are. And it takes time to get to know someone and see if they’re who they represent themselves to be.
And then there’s the question of chemistry. Chemistry can only go so far. Yes, attraction is important. However, that alone won’t sustain a relationship.
Once you know there’s attraction, you want to make sure they want the same things out of life that you want. If your goals aren’t aligned, your relationship won’t last. If you both want to get married and have a family, at least you’re going in the same direction. And you can support one another in your shared goals.
Next, your core relationship values need to align. What’s important to one person has to be honored and supported by the other. If being close to your family and being there for them is important to you, then your partner needs to respect that about you and not get upset or resentful of the time you spend with your family or when you need to help them.
If being financially responsible is important to you, then you need to see how s/he acts with respect to money. How does s/he save and spend money?
Asking yourself, “Why can’t I find true love?” is normal, especially if you feel you’re striking out and not meeting anyone suitable.
Most likely you’re not compatible or not what the other person seeks. It’s always about fit and timing. Sometimes we meet the right person and it’s the wrong time. I’ve seen it several times.
Shortly after my husband and I decided to date, we realized we had actually met 5 years earlier. We’d gone on a first date and Alan never asked me out on a second date. I was separated at the time and really didn’t know who was a good fit for me. And unknowingly, I presented myself as a busy business owner with little time for a serious relationship.
I had inner work to do and so did Alan. We each went our separate ways.
After taking classes and coaching with a relationship coach, I learned what to look for. I got clear on my vision of what I wanted my life to look like and who would be a good partner for me.
So when I met Alan again in the spring of 2001, I took a second look and saw that there was much we had in common. We both wanted marriage and a family. And he even loved cats!
Instead of asking yourself, “Why can’t I find true love?” explore what may be getting in your way. Here are some questions that might help you figure it out:
- Do you have time for a relationship right now?
- If you met the right person, would you feel ready to take on a relationship?
- Do you feel good about yourself and feel you deserve love?
- Would you consider making some changes to accommodate a new person in your life?
- Do you have the relationship skills to build a solid relationship that will last the test of time?
If you’d like more support in your search for true love. Reach out to me at https://motivatedtomarry.com/connect-with-coach-amy/ and schedule a time for us to talk, so you can finally find the love you desire sooner than later.