When I was 40 years old with no man in my life to love and adore me, I too was frustrated with dating men who were not serious about having a relationship that would lead to marriage and the family life I so much desired.
Ever since my divorce in my mid 30’s, I was on the path to learning how to get this relationship stuff right and finally meet a man who wanted what I did, a loving marriage for the long haul. Then I met my relationship coach at a seminar he was giving to my post divorce support group. He made a lot of sense to me and I decided to join his group that was focused on helping singles meet The One.
After the group finished, I signed up for individual relationship coaching. This was instrumental to me becoming open to meeting my husband. Alan wasn’t the first guy that I dated while working with my coach. He was the last one though!
You see I was kind of judgmental and I was passing by men like my husband very quickly. I wasn’t giving a nice guy a chance! And, I didn’t know what I truly needed in a relationship to be happy. Specifically, my dating radar was off kilter!
So who do you go to for dating advice and relationship coaching? And if you are considering hiring a coach, what criteria are you using to decide with whom to work? Here are some questions that will guide your decision:
1. What is the training of this coach? Is he or she certified by a reputable organization? How long have they been coaching? Coaching is a respected skill set that takes about a year or more for certification. There are supervisions and an actual written exam. Find out about your coach’s training. A weekend workshop giving a piece of paper is not a real certification! See if their coaching school is accredited with the International Coach Federation (www.ICF.org). My training was over a year and then I continued my education by taking the relationship systems training for an additional 6 months.
2. What is the background of the person? What other life and work experiences do they bring to the coaching? Have they been married at least one time? (If that is your goal, don’t you want to have a mentor of someone who has been so at least once?) Look for a coach who has walked the path you want to take. Experience and insight will serve you well. The learning I went through from my divorce was huge. This led me to write my book, “Get It Right This Time- How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship”. Also, see that someone has been in a good marriage, as well. My coach was remarried and I admired their relationship. He had walked my path.
3. What do their clients say about the coach? What is their reputation? What kind of successes have they had? If you can talk to one or two past clients, then you will get a picture of what it is like to work with this coach. Know that you will be given a reference of a successful client. Do see that their successful clients are similar to you in their goals, age and life stage.
4. Does this coach provide concrete tools, strategies and a methodology that you can easily follow? Does the coach have a specific process with set goals and an end point? The one client told me about a coach that was coaching her off the cuff where she didn’t feel there was any real direction and specific action steps. My clients follow my Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets Coaching Program. That gives them all the tools they need to make the best decisions about WHAT they need to be happy in a relationship, WHERE to find that special person and HOW to solidify that relationship once you connect with him or her.
5. Does this coach have the skills and tools to help you once you meet that special person? There are lots of dating coaches out there that claim they can find you a date. There are people who will even do the work for you as an online dating consultant. What happens when you meet the person? What then? Can this coach guide you through those relationship hurdles that may take off track an otherwise good relationship? What is the record of the coach getting their clients to engagement and marriage, if that your goal?
6. Does the coach offer a chance to experience their coaching before investing? This is called a strategy session or a complimentary coaching session. Most coaches offer you a chance to “test drive” the coaching. Every coach has a different style so you need to see if your personalities mesh. Do he or she understand and get you? Does he or she challenge you to go out of your comfort zone? A “nice” or “agreeable” coach is not always the best coach for you.
7. What is the cost of working with this coach? There is a wide range from $100 an hour to $1000 an hour! A lot depends on their experience and their reputation. Just like any professional whether it be a lawyer or a doctor. The cheapest isn’t always the best. You are looking for RESULTS! What would make it worth it? If you found your true love in 6 months to a year, would you say a couple thousand of dollars would be worth it? What is your time worth? How much have you already invested in finding your true love partner?
Don’t agonize too much over the decision to hire a coach. If it feels right, go with it. At least you are doing something PROACTIVE! You learn something from everyone. I have worked with different coaches and have had different mentors. You can sign up for a group first at a lower investment or you can try the minimum hours coaching package to see how you like working with this particular coach.
I love coaching because it gives me a direction, helps me focus, set goals and a game plan for getting there. I also need the accountability and the support during challenging times in my life. I have had a coach for when I was dating and wanting a marriage partner, during the time I was trying to have a child and considering other options such as adoption, and now when I am juggling my life as a wife, mother and business owner.
If you feel dating and relationship coach and/or whole life coaching can serve you at this point in your life, then, let’s talk. Fill out my www.TalkwithCoachAmy.com get to know you form and then we can set up a Meet Your Mate Strategy session. Isn’t it time to get on the right path to finding your true love partner?
P.S. Now is the time to find a dating and relationship coach and to get into a coaching program that will get you focused and moving forward with your goal to find your marriage mate this year! Go to www.TalkwithCoachAmy.com and sign up to have a strategy session. You will be relieved you are no longer waiting for life to happen for you – you will be taking action towards the life you truly desire!