In a recent conversation with a prospective client, I mentioned my belief that “you attract what you put out there.”
She asked me to clarify “put out there.” And that question got me thinking. I’ve had this belief for so long that I hadn’t picked it apart until now. I responded to her, “It’s the energy that you project.” Is that too…woo woo?
Put another way, we get what we ask for — even when we don’t realize we’re asking for it. And that last part — “even when we may not realize what we’re really asking for” — is really important.
When I was in my late 30’s, finding true love was a priority for me. I was motivated to marry, desired a family, and was a very serious dater.
Did that mean I would meet other motivated daters, simply because I took dating seriously?
Not necessarily. Actually, I repelled them!
I was so serious that I wasn’t authentic. Instead of being my playful, fun self, I was intense and off-putting. The idea that you attract what you put out (and not just what you want) hadn’t even occurred to me.
In my mind, I was doing what all marriage-minded people do.
In the minds of the single men I found interesting, I was way too focused on my goals. They probably thought I went home after our dates and journaled about our future as Mr. and Mrs.
Sadly, they didn’t get to see the real me because I wasn’t allowing the real me to show up on our dates. I thought I was being efficient and saving time. I was having the opposite effect.
Remember, relationships don’t just happen. They don’t follow a formula that doesn’t include your input. You have to create them. And, if you want them to be authentic, you have to show up with your authentic self, as well.
Think about what attracts you to someone (beyond physical attraction).
You share the same goals? Awesome! You want the same things in terms of a relationship, marriage, and family? Perfect!
And what about your values and the lifestyle that’s important to you?
Ahhhh. Now we’re getting somewhere.
“Active, healthy lifestyle” is one of my top values. I value being in shape and staying healthy, and I’ve been very active since childhood.
So, when I was dating, I participated in a social group called Bike and Brunch, a group where I could find a like-minded person. (Being active and meeting new people is one of my top interests, so it was easy to stay true to my values in a fun way.)
It was in this group that I met my husband, Alan. We connected on many levels, and the fact that we met while doing something we both loved made that connection easy.
What’s my point in sharing this snippet from my own dating history? Only to show you that you attract what you put out, whether you realize it or not.
So pay attention to who and what you’re attracting as well as where you’re putting yourself out there. If you’re spinning your wheels and not meeting the right person, something needs to change. And the first step is to have a good look in the mirror and get honest about how you’re presenting yourself, and the energy you are putting out there!
I help my clients put their best, most authentic selves out there. And they’re getting results by meeting just the right person, time and time again. They are meeting online and then created face-to-face opportunities.
If you, too, would like to get better results by changing the energy you put out there, go to TalkWithCoachAmy.com. With the guidance of an experienced coach, finding and connecting with your true love is just around the corner.
Wishing you all the best in love and life,