Two women sitting at a conference table discussing how to hire a dating coach.

What To Look For & How To Hire A Dating Coach When You’re Ready For A Relationship

15 November 2019

Romance and finding lasting love may seem like things that should just come naturally. People grow up, fall in love, get married, have children. But if it were that simple, 40% of Americans (that’s 40 million) wouldn’t be using online dating to meet someone for a relationship.  And they wouldn’t be taking the next step and asking how to hire a dating coach.

For marriage-minded people — and even those who simply want to be more than friends-with-benefits encounter — dating has a lot at stake. When you think about the rest of your life and the possibility of spending it with one person, those stakes become really high. And if your current approach to finding true love hasn’t been working, it’s time to consider how to hire a dating coach.

Two women sitting at a conference table discussing how to hire a dating coach.

Reasons for seeking a dating coach are plentiful. You may have one or several. What matters is that you’ve reached a point where doing the same old thing and “going it alone” isn’t producing the results you want.

Before discussing what to look for and how to hire a dating coach, let’s look at why you might hire a dating coach.

  • You notice repeating patterns in your dating. And none of them are working.
  • You’re new to dating or it’s been a while.
  • This is your first time dating after a marriage or long relationship.
  • You have a demanding job with little time for a social life.
  • You haven’t met the quality people you would consider for a relationship.
  • You don’t know where to meet quality people.
  • You’re shy and find most social settings uncomfortable.
  • You lack confidence in your ability to attract a life partner.
  • Your online dating profile isn’t attracting the kind of matches you want.
  • You don’t know where to start in putting together a quality profile.
  • You don’t know which dating sites you should join.
  • You have a negative stereotype of the opposite sex.
  • You’ve given up believing love is possible for you.
  • You feel stuck and not sure what to do at this point.
  • You tend to sabotage your own success.

Figuring out how to hire a dating coach when you’re ready for a relationship becomes a little easier when you first know your ‘why.’ No matter what your reason(s), a dating coach becomes your partner on a journey toward fulfilling your dating and relationship goals. She (or he) becomes your ally and therefore needs to be a good fit for your needs and personality.

Before searching through the seemingly endless list of dating coaches on the web, it’s important to do a little self-assessment. Any coach worth your time, trust, and money is going to push you outside your comfort zone. She is going to nudge you into self-improvement. And she is going to hold you accountable for achieving your own goals.

The first question then becomes, “Are you ready to grow?” And if you are, “Are you also teachable and coachable?”

If you’re on board with having an ally but don’t know how to hire a dating coach, use the following guidelines.

  • Know what kind of help you want.
    Do you thrive when you’re working one-on-one and in-person with a mentor or coach? Or can you take the ball and run with it if you have a program to follow online? The options are numerous and will be reflected in the degree of personal attention you get from the coach, as well as the kind of fee you’ll make for coaching.
  • Search the web and/or get recommendations from other trusted professionals.
    The sheer number of dating coaches can be overwhelming. But you can build a shortlist for in-depth research by doing a cursory Google search.  Much depends on their efforts and savvy to be seen online.  Some of the best coaches may not come up high on a search.  Just because a dating coach can afford to have a top-ranking online does not mean they’re a great coach. Or you can ask some trusted advisors or other professionals for relationship and dating coaches they know in your local area. Consider asking the therapists, financial planners, personal fitness trainers, image consultants, and business/career coaches you know for referrals.  (Other professionals in the Washington, DC Metro area recommend many of my clients to me.)
  • Study the coach’s website.
    How easy is it to navigate? How professional does it look? How quickly are you able to grasp who this person is and what her dating philosophies are?How informative is the site? How much free content is there for you to explore and learn from?Is there a photo of the coach? A video of the coach making an introduction or talking about a topic important to dating? Testimonials? Blog articles? Easy contact information?

    Also, is the coach easily accessible?  When you fill out their online request form, do you hear back from them shortly after?

  • Learn all you can about the coach’s dating philosophies and perspectives.
    Even though you may have room to grow and things to learn, a dating coach’s philosophies should fundamentally align with yours. You should be on the same page when it comes to dating.For example, do you get the impression that this coach is all about getting clients on as many dates as possible? Or does this coach seem more discriminating and committed to helping clients meet quality people and establish lasting relationships?Does this coach talk about her own dating or relationship status and history? (This perspective will inevitably trickle down to her philosophies.) And has the coach been married herself/himself?  What breadth of experience can she bring to the conversation?

    Does the coach repeatedly use keywords that give you a glimpse of her priorities? Words like “self-confidence,” “personal growth,” and “authenticity” will tell you a lot about a dating coach’s focus when working with a client. Does the coach have a step-by-step online program to take you through?  Or is the coaching very loosely goosey?  One of my clients complained a past, well-known coach only focused on her photos for her online profile and offered not much else!

  • Research the coach’s qualifications, history, and experience.
    There’s no degree that confers the title of “dating coach.” So, when figuring out how to hire a dating coach, you’ll have to do some research.Granted, everyone has to start somewhere in a new career. But if you’re ready for a real relationship, do you want to be someone’s first project? Probably not.When you’re studying the coach’s website, you should be able to quickly find out how long she has been a dating coach.   Has she shown that she/he can apply her philosophies and has sustained a lasting partnership or marriage?

    When I was motivated to marry in my late 30’s (after a heartbreaking divorce) I sought out a coach who has a great second marriage and could share his breadth of experience with me as well as his knowledge. What was her background prior to coaching? Has coaching always been in her blood, or is it a 180 from what she used to do? Does she have an education that aligns with coaching and has proper certifications from an accredited coaching school or the International Coach Federation?

  • Look (and ask) for testimonials.
    Does the coach’s website present first-person testimonials from previous and/or current clients? Are those testimonials detailed enough to give you confidence in how this coach works and the philosophies she’s committed to?Just know that as a certified professional coach, keeping a client’s confidentiality is part of the ethics code so a coach may not be able to provide as many testimonials.  You can always ask to talk to some past clients for referrals as an alternative.  (Many of my clients are private about working with a dating coach and are not able to provide online testimonials with pictures.) 
  • Read all the free content.
    Are there informative blog articles? Do you feel comfortable with the coach’s philosophies and tone? Does the coach inspire you to want to know more? Or does she bait you and lead you to a payment page? Is there a free giveaway that you can download to learn more about the coach and his/her process?
  • Research the coach’s experience with different dating approaches, especially online dating.
    There’re a lot of benefits to old-school dating approaches. After all, the majority of couples still meet offline. But in this digital age, people are increasingly meeting, chatting, studying, working, shopping, and dating online. So a great dating coach needs to feel at ease with this venue as well. Your goal is to find a coach with a “diversified dating-approach portfolio.” If you’re more inclined to use online dating apps, make sure the coach has verifiable success in this area.Can the coach share her successes with clients’ online dating efforts? Does she role-play with her clients so they know how to initiate and respond effectively online?

    What about offline approaches? Can this coach direct clients to venues that best match those clients’ individual personalities and dating needs?

  • Research the additional products and services offered by the coach.
    Does the coach offer webinars? Have a published book? Conduct online support chat sessions?  Are their community and group opportunities to learn in a group setting as well as individually?Look for supplemental products and services that add to a coach’s offerings and the support you can count on.
  • Have a list of questions to ask during your exploration call.
    An exploration call, or strategy session, is about making sure you and the coach are a good fit. If “anyone and everyone can be a client,” you may have your first red flag. You’re looking for alignment in philosophies and commitment to your relationship goals. This is your time to ask about the personal development plan that’ll be designed for you and how it’ll be implemented, as well.Does the coach help with developing you into the best version of yourself? Does she work on your self-confidence and communication? You should come away with trusting that your coach doesn’t have a packaged approach to you as a unique individual.
  • Ask for clear information on the support you will get.
    Coaches will differ in how they support their clients, so it’s important to dissect this topic for specific answers.Does your cost include unlimited support? Or does the coach specify a certain number of timed phone calls per week or month?Would you meet regularly in-person to work on self-development, review your dating experiences, and learn new skills?

    Does your coach offer various means of access — phone, text, email, Skype? Is there an online support “chat room” or Facebook group? Be sure you learn what your fee specifically includes.

Knowing what to look for and how to hire a dating coach doesn’t have to spell “overwhelm” for you. The more you know about yourself and your dating goals, the easier your search will be.

If you’re marriage-minded, your goal is to find a dating coach who will mentor and support you on the journey toward lasting love. You’re seeking a relationship that is as unique as you are. Your relationship with a dating coach should be no different.

Wishing you the best in life and love,

Coach Amy

PS: To learn more about where you are in your dating journey and what you may be missing at this stage in trying to find true love, take my QUIZ.