Are you considering starting a new relationship this fall? That’s great! Many people are looking for love this time of year, especially with the end of the year looming in front of us.
And chances are you’ve been here before. You may be scared and excited at the same time about the prospect of having a new love in your life. Don’t let your past define what’s possible for you in the future. You can choose better this time!
So, what do you need to think about when you’re starting a new relationship? How do you not get caught in the “You’re cute and sooo not for me” dating cycle!
And, most importantly, how can dating be different (and better) this time around?
Here are 7 points to consider when you’re starting a new relationship:
Do you want the same things in life & are you going in the same direction?You may be attracted to someone, however if your life visions aren’t aligned, then the relationship won’t move forward.
Do you imagine having a family and living in the country? Or do you want to be DINKS (double income, no kids) and live in the city?
Do you want to be retired and live in a 55-plus community? Or do you want to keep working and live where people are at all stages of their lives?
Do you envision yourself traveling or staying put?
These are the kinds of things that, when you’re starting a new relationship, you’ll find either connect people more fully or pull them apart.
Is how you envision the relationship on the same or different tracks?Katherine envisioned moving in together and sharing their life under the same roof. Steven wanted to maintain his own home and just keep “dating”. This didn’t bode well for Katherine so eventually, they broke up.
Harry imagined his girlfriend moving from Boston to DC, moving in with him, and getting married. She was happy with the long-distance relationship as is. Eventually, Harry broke up with her to pursue a partner who wanted to be living together as a couple (in the same city) as their goal. Fortunately, he found such a partner.
Do you and your partner have different expectations?Do you expect to spend all weekend together or only one day of the weekend? Sleepover or go home?
Do you want to travel first class and your partner wants to stay in mid-range priced hotel accommodations?
Do you like fine dining or hot dogs at the local food truck?
Beach or mountains?
Spend time with his kids or yours?
When you bring different expectations and don’t discuss them, that’s when problems occur.
Do you know what you need to know before you’d be exclusive?I recommend to my clients that they develop a plan for exclusivity BEFORE they even meet someone. Because on average, I’ve seen my clients become exclusive within 3 to 6 dates. So you need to be ready just in case!
So, you need to know what you want as you’re starting a new relationship and be able to communicate those needs in a respectful manner. This empowers my clients to have tough conversations sooner rather than later. Ultimately, this will save you from heartache in the long run.
Are you compatible on different levels or at least tolerant of each other’s quirks?We all have our stuff or quirks. The question you’ve got to ask yourself is can you live with your partner’s quirks and can they live with yours? Even if you’re not living together, you’ll be spending lots of time together and most likely be in each other’s homes.
One of my younger 30-something clients required that her home be neat, organized, and clean. It wasn’t until she dated him for 6 months that she saw how he lived and how he didn’t clean his bathroom thoroughly. (He mostly came to her house, and they spent time at his parent’s home.) She decided that she couldn’t tolerate that and decided to break up. So, make sure you know your Must-Haves, and try to find out sooner rather than later if your new love interest meets those Must-Haves!
When you’re starting a new relationship, you need to consider if your friends, kids, and parents would embrace this person.Your friends and family know and love you! They truly want the best for you. What if they don’t like the person you’re starting a new relationship with? Would you listen to them? (Would they tell you? I hope so.) And how would a love interest, who doesn’t get along with your family and friends, affect your friendships and family relationships? I recommend you heed those who are close to you and listen to what they’re warning you about.
Would you be able to count on this person in a pinch?Last and most importantly, can you rely on this person to be there for you? If you got hurt, would they be there to care for you? If you needed to move, would they offer to help? Or are they too busy working or doing stuff for other people?
A client’s mom was in the hospital unexpectedly. This client’s boyfriend was nowhere to be found. Finally, she found out he was at his ex-girlfriend’s house helping her with something. That wasn’t acceptable and that relationship didn’t last past that incident.
I hope this article helps you to be ready to start a new relationship so you can get love right this time.
My clients appreciate having me as a trusted sounding board to make sure they’re on the right path when they’re starting a new relationship.
Let’s get you ready to meet your true love and out meeting quality people that you’ll “click” with.
Go to www.talkwithcoachamy.com and fill out my “Get to know you” form. Then, we’ll set up a time to talk ASAP.