Confused man with hands raised quizzically and wondering what do most women want in a relationship.

What Do Most Women Want?

11 April 2024

As a dating and relationship coach, I get asked by my male clients, “What do most women want?” I coach both women and men and when talking with my female clients, we always review their “Must Haves”, their “Would Like to Haves” as well as their Core Relationship Values. Throughout my 20 years of coaching, I’ve noticed a few themes that seem to pop up time and time again.

So men, I’ve made a list to help you better understand what the women you are pursuing, might be looking for!

Bear in mind that this is a generalized list, culled from the demographic that I primarily work with: women living in metropolitan areas with at least a college education. However, to make it even easier for you, I’m breaking things up into two different categories based on YOUR life stage and likely priorities!

For men in their late 20s to early 50s, who are looking for family-oriented women: most women want a man who…

  • Is smart, educated, and ambitious where he desires to excel in his career.
  • Is stable, both emotionally/mentally- someone who is reliable and dependable.
  • Is a supportive person. Specifically, he is supportive of her career, endeavors, and family responsibilities.
  • Is a positive person- who sees the glass as half-full.
  • Is family-oriented and wants children or will embrace her kids.
  • Will listen to her with interest AND remember what she has told him!
  • Is emotionally self-aware- someone who can evaluate their own feelings and actions, and can move forward accordingly.
  • Is comfortable in social situations and has social ease. Furthermore, demonstrating that you have friends is a plus.
  • Is confident- he knows what you want and is willing to go out on a limb for it.
  • Is comfortable in his own skin and has a good sense of self.
  • Makes her feel safe, both emotionally and physically.
  • Has a good sense of humor. Be careful though. There’s a large range of what people find funny and the wrong sense of humor can backfire. However, most women tell me they want a man who doesn’t take himself too seriously.
  • Can plan and take initiative- women tend to take on most of the invisible labor in a relationship or family, so they want someone capable of making decisions and executing them so she doesn’t always have to!
  • Is kind and compassionate- a man who thinks of others and their needs.
  • Is there for his, and her, extended family- someone who can appreciate the value of each other’s family or who she can depend on when family dynamics get… interesting.
  • Strives to be healthy, stay in shape, and be active.
  • DOES NOT love bomb her! He respects boundaries and her need for her time for herself. He is sincere with his words.
  • Can enjoy the good life. He is generous and is not cheap.
  • Doesn’t worry about money- she wants to know you can take care of her and the family.
  • Respects shared spaces- he is neat, clean, and can pick up after himself. He is not a slob!
  • Is willing to do his fair share.
  • Is handy and can fix stuff- however, most women agree that this is not a must-have, just a bonus!
  • Understands and respects her desire to have time for herself, her family, and her friends. Moreover, he is not easily jealous of her time with others.
  • Has a good relationship with his extended family- e.g. his Parents, Siblings, and Cousins.
  • Is kind to animals and accepting of her pets. Additionally, it would be best if he loves them too rather than just tolerating them.
  • Finally, SHE wants to be appreciated for her efforts, talents, and contribution to the well-being of the couple, or family.

For men in their 40s through 70s who have had their families and are looking for a partner and companion (having more kids is not part of the equation here): most women want a man who…

  • Is smart, intelligent, and accomplished.
  • Is stable, both emotionally/mentally- someone who is reliable and dependable.
  • Is a supportive person. Specifically, he is supportive of her career, endeavors, and family responsibilities.
  • Is a positive person- who sees the glass as half-full.
  • Is family-oriented and desires to be around, and involved with, her kids or grandkids.
  • Will listen to her with interest AND remember what she has told him!
  • Is comfortable in social situations and has social ease. Furthermore, demonstrating that you have friends is a plus.
  • Is confident- he knows what you want and is willing to go out on a limb for it.
  • Is comfortable in his own skin and has a good sense of self.
  • Makes her feel safe, both emotionally and physically.
  • Has a good sense of humor. Be careful though. There’s a large range of what people find funny and the wrong sense of humor can backfire. However, most women tell me they want a man who doesn’t take himself too seriously.
  • Can plan and take initiative- women tend to take on most of the invisible labor in a relationship or family, so they want someone capable of making decisions and executing them so she doesn’t always have to!
  • Is willing to do his fair share.
  • Is worldly, dresses well, and desires to travel the world.
  • Is kind and compassionate- a man who thinks of others and their needs.
  • Is there for his, and her, extended family- someone who can appreciate the value of each other’s family or who she can depend on when family dynamics get… interesting.
  • Strives to be healthy, stay in shape, and be active.
  • DOES NOT love bomb her! He respects boundaries and her need for her time for herself. He is sincere with his words.
  • Can enjoy the good life. He is generous and is not cheap.
  • Doesn’t worry about money. He can take care of his own living expenses and has savings for the future. She knows that he won’t have to depend on her financially. And the two can live very well together.
  • Respects shared spaces- he is neat, clean, and can pick up after himself. He is not a slob!
  • Is handy and can fix stuff- however, most women agree that this is not a must-have, just a bonus!
  • Understands and respects her desire to have time for herself, her family, and her friends. Moreover, he is not easily jealous of her time with others.
  • Has a good relationship with his extended family- e.g. his Parents, Siblings, Cousins, and Kids.
  • Is kind to animals and accepting of her pets. Additionally, it would be best if he loves them too rather than just tolerating them.
  • Finally, SHE wants to be appreciated for her efforts, talents, and contribution to the well-being of the couple, or family.

There you have it, a comprehensive list to answer the question “What do most women want?”

If you’re a marriage-minded man looking for love or seriously searching for a life partner, does this list feel overwhelming? I don’t think any woman would expect you to hit every item on this list. In fact, if you did, you would likely be considered too good to be true! Take heart in the items where you excel and consider the other areas that might need some improvement. Glean what you want from this list!

Let me know though, does the list sound impossible to you? Or does it seem natural and reasonable? Did I miss anything? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

If you’d like to discuss this list or, if need help figuring out how to apply this information to your search for true love, I’d love to connect with you! Go to https://motivatedtomarry.com/connect-with-coach-amy/ and let’s find a time to chat!