As a single person seriously searching for love, you may think that true love is rare and unobtainable. Part of the reason you might think this is that your definition of true love is a little bit fuzzy.

Women whispering about the secrets to finding true love.

So, just what is true love? It’s enduring love. It’s being there for the good times and the bad.  It’s love that lasts the test of time. It’s feeling and knowing that your partner has your back and you’re grateful to have that person in your life. It’s beautiful intimacy. It’s having a best friend who will be there through thick and thin. 

Now that you’ve read my definition of true love, how would you describe it?

When my clients come to me, they feel that love is out of their reach.  To help them shift their perspective which is necessary to find love, I tell them that true love is rare unless you know these secrets: 

Secret #1: Your life goals need to be similar. 

People want to meet people who want the same things out of life. Yes, you can have chemistry, however, if you imagine working into your 80s and your partner envisions retiring to Sarasota, FL within the year of her retirement in her 60s, no matter how strong your love is, it won’t last. 

Two things are needed for a relationship to have the best chance for longevity. First, both must be seeking a solid, committed relationship. Second, both must be willing to make some adjustments to accommodate each other and the relationship.

If you’re meeting people who don’t share your goals, it’s easy to understand why you’d believe true love is rare.

Secret #2: You share the same core relationship values. 

Values more than anything else determine if a relationship can last the test of time. When you share the same core relationship values, you and your partner see the world in the same way. You value the same things.  

I’ve seen very different people who come from different backgrounds connect through values. This is more important than interests.  And the more values you have in common with your partner, the better your chances are that you’ll find lasting and true love!

Secret #3: You have mutual respect and trust.

Respect is the basis of all relationships. And when it comes to a love relationship, respect is essential. 

How does respect show up in a relationship? It manifests in how you treat one another.  It’s how you listen to one another and accommodate each other’s needs. And it shows up in how you each follow through on your promises.

These characteristics of respect lay the groundwork for trust. Trust shows up in how you each follow through on your promises to the other.

And it’s when you know you can fully depend upon and trust your partner to respect and be there for you, then you’ll know you’ve found the true love you’ve been searching for. 

Secret #4: You both value companionship and having a life partner

You can’t imagine life without a partner. Being part of a couple is your natural state of being. You feel that you’d be missing out without your other half. 

Today, being coupled is a choice. It’s not a have-to-have. And some people have given into the perspective that true love is rare. So rare that they stopped looking. 

True love is very special, and it is possible to find it. But to do so, you must be willing to make the effort to find it.  It’s unlikely that you’ll just bump into your special someone, contrary to what Hollywood tells you!

Instead of leaving it to chance, you want to search for and find someone who has the capacity to be in a relationship. The one for you needs to understand the give and take required by a loving relationship.  This includes knowing that sometimes you must comply with what your partner needs to achieve your goals as a couple. 

Secret #5: You both believe in love

The bottom line is both people have to believe love is possible and not feed into this “true love is rare” scarcity mentality. It takes two to create and sustain true love. Many think that finding true love is rare simply because they’ve not met another who believes in love as they do.   

I challenge you to believe in what’s possible, I’m sure you know couples close to you that have true love.  Let them be an example of what can be. 

Never give up on love!

If you’re ready to get off the dating merry-go-round and finally find true and lasting love, let’s talk. Go to to get the ball rolling,

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