So, there’s your real life, and then there’s your dating life. Are they aligned or far apart?
Unfortunately, too many people embark on dating with this mindset. “I’ll just keep doing xyz, which, truthfully, doesn’t really leave a lot of extra time or room for someone else. And I’ll just find a way to throw dating into the mix. After all, it’s just ‘dating.’ I shouldn’t have to change my life for that.”
But the truth is – at least for marriage-minded people – that your dating life and real life very much need to be in sync. Your dating life can’t be isolated from everything else going on in your life. Work, family, friends, faith, hobbies, community service, health – they all influence your love life, just as your love life influences them.
Sure, if you don’t really have any goals for your dating life, you may not have reason to make adjustments. (That assumes, of course, that the person(s) you date don’t have any expectations or goals, either.) However, for singles committed to finding true love, this aspect of life is going to have to blend in with the rest of life.
And that means creating space, time, and consistency. It means living as if the goals of your dating life are as important as you say they are.
That may mean making some changes in your life to reflect how much you value finding true, lasting love. After all, dating-for-marriage is about connecting with another person and creating a mutual path in life. Naturally, both people are going to have to make adjustments and sacrifices in order to grow the relationship.
For some of my clients, bringing their dating life into alignment with real life has been very challenging. They have had to make choices that push them out of their comfort zones. Sometimes those choices have involved major changes, even in careers or geography.
Here are some examples that stand out for me:
Rachel was miserable in her work life. It bled over into her personal life and influenced how she came across to her dates. Coaching helped her find a more fulfilling job and, as a result, led to an increase in her self-assurance. As you can imagine, her renewed sense-of-self came across in her dating life. Soon after landing her new job, she met her husband.
Daniel was spending a lot of time commuting to and from work. So he decided to move to be closer to his job and have more time for dating and social activities. Once he settled into his new condo and routine, it was easy to devote more energy to meeting his future wife.
Because of our coaching together, Rhea decided not to take a job transfer that would have forced her to travel frequently. She knew she would have to choose between her work life and her dating life, and she realized that both were important. Because she turned down the transfer, she was able to find time to date. And during this time that she focused on dating, she met her husband.
Anna was living in a place where there weren’t many eligible men for marriage. As a result of our coaching sessions, she decided to move back to her home city. She would be closer to her family and would have a bigger pool of men to choose from. And her bold move paid off! She met her life partner soon after moving home.
When I was dating with marriage in mind, I had to make space for a man to come into my life. I took that both figuratively and literally. I cleaned out a closet and dresser drawers as a way to begin preparing that “space.” Doing so helped me to see my life — and my physical space — in the context of sharing them both with someone.
With the guidance of my coach, I was encouraged to hire an organizer and a Feng Shui consultant. The goal was to make my home space more appealing to a potential mate. After I did that, I met my husband Alan.
What’s going on in your life that may be negatively affecting your dating life? Are there factors or commitments that are limiting your availability, either face-to-face or online?
What do you need to shift in your life so that you’ll be more open and available for dating?
Life and relationship coaching looks at your whole life — what most fulfills you and how you want your life to be. Then we take small steps (or big ones if you’re up for it) to get you to where you want to be.
The life coaching approach has been instrumental in helping my clients achieve both professional and personal goals in their lives. And it helps prepare them to meet their true love partners.
It’s a whole life thing!
If you are ready to make some big changes in your life or would just like a tune-up, go to TalkWithCoachAmy.com. We will explore how coaching can help you move closer to your goal of finding that special person in your life.
PS: If you want to get a whole life perspective on you dating, then sign up for a complimentary Meet Your Mate this year strategy session. Go to www.talkwithcoachamy.com to find a time for us to connect.