Fairytale romance novels are all the rage these days for those looking to lose themselves in a good love story. Whether the plot is a cozy mystery or a steamy enemies-to-lovers adventure, all our literary dreams are fulfilled when the two main characters overcome all the odds to finally find their soul mates!

It’s hard not to be swayed by a good love story and dream about your own Mr./Mrs. Perfect. Unfortunately, too many people have given up on love, believing it can only be found in the fiction aisle!

And it’s not hard to understand why. Between the fairytales and the winter romance movies, apparently, all you need to do to find true love is move to a quaint rural town or be a long-lost princess.

These characters aren’t sifting through online profiles or going on countless blind dates. These characters have been going about life until something moves them into just the right scenario for them to meet their true love.

Actually, though, that literary set-up isn’t far from reality. Many of my clients had priorities other than love during their early adult years and are now looking for their happily ever after.

Or those who did have committed relationships, found that their love wasn’t the stuff of fairytales, and now they are single again.  For one reason or another, something brought them to a crossroad, and they are ready to find true and lasting love once and for all.

“But dating is too hard.” “There aren’t enough good men/women left.” “Online dating is full of scammers.” 

Those are just a few of the ugly gremlins people tell themselves when they are uncomfortable with dating. But I know there is a better way. I have seen it play out many, many times.

Try to imagine this scenario:

You matched with someone online who piques your interest, and you’ve been emailing each other for a few days. Both of you seem to be in the same stage in life and have similar interests. You find that you seem to have similar relationship values and even many of the same life goals.

Of course, this time you are a bit hesitant. It looks too good to be true. That’s okay.  So you finally talk on the phone, and it’s like you have known each other forever. You even like the sound of each other’s voices. 

Now you’re getting even more excited to meet this person, and a date is set!  However, to keep yourself grounded, you tell yourself, “Let’s just see.”

Then, you see him waiting for you at the restaurant (and he looks better than his picture!). Or she walks in and looks exactly as you hoped from her picture. You both smile.

He stands up and pulls out your chair for you to sit down. You both start talking at the same time, and you both smile to break the awkwardness. She asks you some questions about where you grew up, and then the conversation just flows from there.

Before you know it, hours have flown by. After an engaging conversation and a delicious meal, you walk to your cars hand in hand. 

You know you will see each other again; there is no doubt. There is even a passionate good-night kiss before you part your ways.

And before you get home, you receive a text, “Had a wonderful time. Call you tomorrow.”  And you text back, “Me too!  Thank you for a lovely evening. Can’t wait.”

If you think finding true love this fast is only a fairytale, you are mistaken. 

This is a real scenario for many of my clients when they meet their true love partners.  When you know what you’re doing, a true connection can happen very quickly!

Do you know why?  These people did the important self-clarification work already. In doing so, they know three key things about themselves, and more importantly, they know how to communicate those things to their friends and family, in their online profiles, and to potential love interests they meet in person.

These items are the key to finding true and lasting love more easily and with less stress.

Three things you must know about yourself to find your own fairytale love story

1.  You have the same core Relationship Values. 

“Your core relationship values are those attributes, virtues, characteristics, principles, beliefs, etc., that you want to see in your partner, your relationship, and in your future life together.  If these things are out of sync, you will be deeply dissatisfied regardless of how attractive or paper-perfect a love interest seems.” 

Have you ever stopped to consider your relationship values? Do you know what they are and how to communicate them? Are you able to look at an online profile, or discuss in person your values, and assess if a match has potential or not?

2. You share the same Life Goals. 

Do you have the same life goals, want the same things out of life, and are you going in the same direction? If you want a family and children, and your match doesn’t, that’s a big gap!

It’s kind of an obvious disparity, but what about more subtle ones, like where you want to live or when you want to retire? Do you look forward to pursuing huge professional milestones or relaxing and traveling often?

Understanding what you want out of life, and looking for alignment in your love life, means the difference between having the fairytale and settling for hum-drum.

3. You know your Must-Haves and Deal-Breakers. 

You have a vision for your ideal partner. You know the kind of character, personality, values and goals you desire. But can you also define your deal breakers?

And do you know how to ask for what you want and set boundaries around what you won’t accept? If not, you are likely to settle for someone who is “close,” but not perfect for you.

For example, he’s kind, loves the environment and his parents, has a good job, but he smokes. If smoking is a deal breaker for you, then you can be confident moving on.

Or she’s outgoing, caring, wants children, and loves animals, but she doesn’t care to be involved with extended family, and your extended family is very close. Obviously, that is a big gap.

The key is to know and commit to these things before your feelings get involved, saving you from heartbreak. 

When you truly understand these three things, can communicate them more effectively, and evaluate potential dates based on them, dating truly does become easy!

• You begin setting better boundaries for yourself and know how to say politely, “No, thank you, we just don’t want the same things in life.”
• You waste less time on dates and early relationships that end up going nowhere.
• You’ll meet your person more quickly because you are dating more strategically.

And most importantly,  you set yourself up to find true and lasting love, not just in fairytale romance books, but in your own life!

So what’s stopping you from finding your fairytale love? 

Some say that it doesn’t seem very sexy. Where’s the chemistry if you’re dating from a list? But when you hit on all three of these areas, especially values, you will feel a deeper connection with your date, and the chemistry will click.

So many of my clients have met their partners just like this. That magical first date above? It was a real experience, not just for one of my clients, but for many of them! And I want that for you.

 

Take Allison, for example: 

It was important for me to have a clarifying list based upon my values, life goals and my non-negotiables as I was dating. I had wasted too much time with men that had deal breaker items, but I still thought it would work out. Coach Amy’s coaching program helped me focus and say ‘no’ sooner before feelings were involved. She also teaches you how to overcome the negative voices to allow yourself to believe that your special someone is out there. I met my husband a couple months after the program. I am so glad that I did the work on myself with your program to make sure that I was ready when I met Mr. Wonderful and to have a healthy relationship and marriage.

 

Or Holly

I met a wonderful man and we just got married this past summer. It’s everything I dreamed of and more! This has been the best relationship I’ve ever had.   All the work I did with your worksheets was absolutely invaluable. I cannot believe what a huge help it made to be focused in the way you guided I think some of this wonderful luck is really getting grounded via the exercises you gave us in identifying our own values. Your process made it very easy to stay focused before getting too attached.  Thank you sooooo much, Amy!

 

I want this kind of success for your love life!

Dating can be so much simpler. It doesn’t have to take a herculean effort. True, lasting love, including the fairytale happily-ever-after, can be yours.

No matter your age or experience, with self-work, some tweaking of your process, and maybe with a little help, you truly can recognize a great partner when he or she shows up.

If you want to stop wasting your time dating the wrong people, have dating be more straightforward, and truly connect with your perfect person this year, then let me show you how my tools and strategies can help you achieve your relationship goals more quickly and with greater ease!

Go to www.talkwithcoachamy.com and fill out my get-to-know-you form so we can schedule a time to connect.

 

P.S. This is Jack, who got married in his early 70’s!

“Coach Amy really helped me pull things together with my dating process and then to move me in the right direction. Together, we are having the time of our life.”

How do you know if you are truly ready for lasting love? Take my FREE “Are You Ready to Meet Your Mate” Quiz, and find out! Go to  https://motivatedtomarry.com/quiz/ today!

About the Author

is a certified life coach and dating/relationship expert who has helped hundreds of marriage-minded singles find lasting, committed partnerships since 2005. Through private coaching and group programs, she specializes in helping people date with clarity, confidence, and purpose.