Many singles believe that finding love begins with getting out and dating. That they just need to be more active in their search for Mr/s Right. Looking everywhere they go or getting on all the dating apps, and weeding through as many matches and dates as possible until they find the “one”.  

Unfortunately, this pace often leads to disappointment, exhaustion, and frustration. 

If you’re single and looking for lasting love, don’t rush to get out and date. Take the time to make yourself ready to date first. And the best time to do that is always right now.

But how do you prepare for love and dating if you’re already out there? 

Take a look at your current season of life and make some space to get yourself ready to date.

For example, as I write this, it’s summer. Things tend to slow down in summer, and for many singles, so do their serious dating efforts. 

They’re taking vacations, visiting family, hanging out with friends. They may meet people, or have a date here or there, but many singles have pushed finding lasting love to the back burner.

What they fail to realize, however, is that this slower season provides the perfect opportunity to prepare for the fall dating opportunities.

After Labor Day, everything naturally becomes more serious. We are back to school, back to work, the weather cools down, the days get shorter, and somehow, dating becomes more magical.

But if you’re not prepared when the season comes, you’ll just find yourself frustrated again. 

What does it mean to be “ready to date”? 

First, we’re assuming you’re actually ready for love in your life. That you have created the time and space for dating or to nurture a healthy relationship. If you’re unsure if you’re ready for love, check out my dating readiness quiz. 

Being ready to date isn’t about getting a makeover, having enough money, or losing a few pounds. 

It’s intentionally taking stock of who you are, who you’re looking for that would be a good match, and having a dating plan that will save you time and energy. 

And It’s a pivotal step that many singles skip over, and it costs them dearly! 

Stephen was a 40-something widower when he started coaching with me. He was in an “almost-not-quite relationship” with a woman he met at a speed dating event. She had been very interested in him, but something just wasn’t right. 

“I hadn’t really prioritized who I wanted to meet. It was kind of like I just wanted to meet ‘someone’, and that was it. So I let it drag on.”

After months of trying to make the relationship work, they eventually broke up. It was clear that neither of them had done the prep work before jumping back into the dating pool. Instead, they wasted time and endured heartache trying to make it work. 

What does it take to get ready to date?

This is where Stephen got it wrong. He knew he was ready to love again, and he had a basic idea of the kind of woman he might be attracted to. But here’s what he missed:

1. Look for your dating blindspots

Take a good look at your past dating experiences and habits. What needs to change? Do you have unresolved fears, patterns, or traumas that may need to be explored more deeply? Are there any areas of your life that may interfere with a healthy relationship?

2. Clarify your relationship values and goals.

It’s not enough to say “I want to get married and want someone who values family”. While this is a good start, lots of people want to get married and have a family.

In Stephen’s case, they both seemed to want similar things, but what was truly important to them and how they wanted to live out their lives was vastly different. 

3. Create a vision of your ideal partner

Focus on character, relationship skills, lifestyle, and compatibility rather than creating a superficial checklist. Make sure you’re clear on your “nice-to-haves”, “must-haves”, and “deal breakers”, so you won’t be tempted to compromise.

4. Adjust your dating plan

Once you have taken the time to be ready to date, you’ll find creating a dating plan becomes much easier. Look for ways to meet singles who align with your values and lifestyle, and choose activities accordingly. Update your online dating profiles and make it clear WHY you are there. Create time in your schedule dedicated to finding and dating the right people. 

Does it sound like a lot? Don’t let it scare you. Some of my clients speed right through this process. For others, it can take some time and introspection. Either way, it’s okay.

Why getting ready to date truly matters

Preparation leads to clarity, and clarity leads to discernment. 

If you take the time now, you’ll be able to quickly discern good matches while weeding out all the rest. 

You’ll be less likely to spend valuable time getting to know potential matches or going on awkward dates, only to be let down over and over.   

You won’t confuse chemistry, attention, or availability with compatibility.

Yes, you may still make mistakes, and some duds may still get through. But the biggest benefit of being truly ready for dating is that you’ll be more likely to recognize “the one” when he or she shows up. 

When my clients do the work before they start dating, they usually find real love within three to six months! In fact, that’s the conclusion to Stephen’s story.

Once we narrowed in on what was important to him and the future relationship he wanted, Stephen began making much better dating choices. Not too long after that, he met Sharon online. In under two years, they met, dated, fell in love, and got married!

The best time to get ready to date is always Now!

No matter which season of the year, or in life, you find yourself in, today is the best day to start getting ready for dating. 

Don’t put off this crucial step to finding and keeping lasting love!

And if you feel overwhelmed by this task, or would just like some guidance, I’d love to help! 

Schedule a complimentary Meet Your Mate Strategy Session with me, and let’s see how Motivated to Marry® coaching can help prepare for the kind of dating that leads to lasting love. 

About the Author

Coach Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC, PCC

is a certified life coach and dating/relationship expert who has helped hundreds of marriage-minded singles find lasting, committed partnerships since 2005. Through private coaching and group programs, she specializes in helping people date with clarity, confidence, and purpose.