If you are in the place I was when I was single and dating for the purpose of marriage, you may be tired of all this searching for love effort and would like to get off the dating merry-go-round, once and for all. You would like to finally find your special marriage-minded person and put your energies towards building a life with a partner, and having a family for some of you. Let me ask you, “Does dating seem like wasted time to you?”
It did for me. When I got divorced in my mid-30s, I thought I would be remarried fairly quickly. You see, I saw myself as a relationship-oriented, marriage-minded person. I had serial boyfriends. I’m not here to brag rather to show you that some people LOVE to be in a relationship. And some of us LOVE to be in LOVE! (Yes, that’s me!) We are the motivated ones. The problem is that I wasn’t always that discerning.
For instance, you are cute, and we have stuff in common and let’s see where this goes! 6 months later- I find out you don’t want children or you have mother issues and can’t let go of an old girlfriend, or you have an ex-wife situation that is intolerable – I could go on and on! Well, this is called DATING!
What is dating really?
It’s getting to know someone – the good, the bad, and the crazy! And, I am sorry to say that sometimes there are no shortcuts. However, there is a way to cut through a lot of stuff and to make better decisions for yourself. As I tell my clients, you need to adjust your dating radar as a marriage-minded person. It’s a feedback loop, and you keep adding the latest information from what didn’t work in your last relationship to make better decisions in picking your next relationship.
So, how do you know that someone is a keeper?
First, after you decide you are attracted to this person, you evaluate the person based upon shared core relationship values, similar life goals, and knowing what you can live with and what you can’t. And you try to find this out sooner rather than later. You keep adjusting your dating radar until you are spot on! That is what I do with my clients.
Let me share a story about Mary, a 40-something woman who works way too many hours in a busy consulting firm. She came to me for coaching when she was 37 and seemed like a marriage-minded person. Then, her job got out of control, and she dropped out of coaching. She came back to me at 40 and decided to try coaching again. I got her online, and she got inundated with potential suitors.
Through that process, I helped her manage the flow of candidates, reviewing possible suitors. She’d met some nice men, yet for some reason, it never worked out. Finally, she met Jerry, who was 49 and also never married. She saw potential in him, and our coaching helped to get them to an exclusive relationship while working through issues that could have ended their relationship. She clearly expressed her desire for marriage and a family with him, and that time was an issue. They became engaged after 18 months and married 6 months later.
I admire that Mary didn’t give up. She followed the Motivated to Marry System and valued having the support and guidance to get her to the next step in the relationship process. She was willing to invest in this part of her life, as one would in a college or graduate education, a major trip to Europe or Asia, or in regular weekly personal training!
So what is the number one trait that I see in my clients who do succeed in dating and finding his or her true love as a marriage-minded person?
It’s persistence! They don’t give up. They keep on working it and trying their best.
I made a list of my successful clients in the past couple of years, and there have been many. Most had tried relationships that didn’t work while we were coaching. When they realized that the person they were dating was either NOT MOTIVATED to MARRY, or not a good fit. Then they got back out there to date again fairly quickly to see who else was out there to meet. They were persistent and goal-focused.
Have you been dating and not finding that right person? Do you stay in relationships way too long only to find out you don’t share the same life goals or core relationship values? Would some support and guidance be of value to you? If so, let’s talk, and I can share how my Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets program has made the difference in my clients’ dating lives, leading them to their true love partner. Go to www.TalkwithCoachAmy.com so I can get to know your needs and challenges with dating. Then we can schedule a time to connect for a Complimentary Meet Your Mate Strategy session if you qualify.