Some recent articles have come out about companies that help busy daters (mainly guys) to outsource their online dating efforts. Even though I was interviewed for the Washington Post article, I was not quoted. When asked, “What do I think about this practice?” I answered, ”I think it’s awful! “ Most women I talked to agreed.
First of all, putting effort into the process is a very important part of the journey to find our true love. It’s part of the courtship. How you put yourself out there does matter. I believe in the attraction principle. How you show up out there to the dating public and what you put in your profile will help you attract the right person. Also the email conversations going back and forth are best when they are authentically coming from you.
From my female perspective if a guy is not willing to make the effort himself, you wonder how much time and effort he will put into the relationship. Will he outsource making plans for dates (yes, there are concierge services) and will he change diapers or delegate that to a nanny? Some people may admire this guy’s resourcefulness. Not me, I consider this a cop out. We all have to face rejection and make ourselves vulnerable. By outsourcing, he is shielding himself from putting himself on the line until he makes the phone call or shows up to the face to face first meeting.
Another thing that is missing when you outsource your efforts is utilizing your intuition. You see a picture, you read a profile. Something speaks to you. Someone else may miss seeing that special someone and pass on this person.
By outsourcing your profile writing, the searching through the profiles and the emailing back and forth, you are not “being real” to the person on the other side. What’s the difference between an assistant doing the work and a scammer? (Someone saying they are someone and they are not who they say they are-usually for some financial gain) Not much! Both are not who they say they are- both are not the real people behind the words.
Last, relationships are built on trust and honesty. How can you build a relationship based upon deceitful actions? Many times, the person who shows up on the date doesn’t line up with who the woman thought she was going to meet.
So what’s the difference between outsourcing your online dating activities and the service I may provide, you may ask? There is a big difference. I edit profiles mostly and some email letters, occasionally. I don’t write the profiles. However, I do help my clients put their best foot forward. It’s like going to an image consultant or getting a beauty makeover.
It’s the same person, just better! I keep their voice the same. I may take out phrases that I feel may turn off potential suitors. We expand on what’s there and cut out extraneous stuff that doesn’t serve my clients overall profile. I add critical information usually overlooked by my clients that helps them connect with others more successfully such as their core values or volunteer activities.
My clients choose who they want to engage with and write their own emails. I have reviewed a couple of them before they have been sent out just to give them requested feedback on how does the email sounds.
Also, I work on my client’s overall internet dating strategy based upon their life goals, and the type of person they want to attract. I also help them define who is not a good fit with my client in order to keep their search targeted and focused.
“Amy has really helped me focus and save time by refining my internet dating process”. Kate, 48.
So even though these outsourcing services are out there, you have to decide how you want the dating experience to be and what story you want to tell your kids on how you met their mother (or father)! Then again, you can always hide the truth! Isn’t that what you have been doing all along?
If you want to learn more about internet dating and how to have a better experience, go to www.attractqualitypeopletodateonline.com and join my upcoming Summer Camp Tele-coaching group program. Join by 6/30/10 and save!