For over 12 years I have been helping singles find their spouses and have observed many dating mistakes. This tragic dating mistake results in you wasting your precious time because you may stay in the wrong relationship way too long and cut out good prospects, as well, so you miss out on true love.
As I see it, most people date with the wrong standard of judgment, in other words, their Dating Radar is off. Sure, you have to be attracted to someone, but being fun on a date, doesn’t guarantee a good life partner for you.
We’ve all gotten caught up in the “Fun” mates, the ones who you enjoy dancing, going to parties, laughing, and doing fun activities with (I remember those dates very well!), but once they step on your core values, like many of mine did, you need to heed the red flags and move on quickly.
Maybe your core values are open, honest, and trustworthy relationships, like mine. Perhaps you need someone in your life who is reliable. Or you require that someone is family-oriented and is willing to help you take care of your parents, collectively.
For example, my core values indicate I need someone open, honest and trustworthy. My first husband was unfaithful and that left a very deep scar.
In my late 30’s, after dating a man for eight months, I hoped we would become engaged. Then, I found out that he had signed up for a co-ed volleyball team without me. One of my friends told me he was number three on the list of over several dozen names. I never knew!
The problem wasn’t that he joined the co-ed team, but the secrecy behind it meant that he didn’t hold any regard for my need for open honest communication.
Moreover, there is another important value he didn’t get: “Think ahead and think of others”. I discovered this when he took me on a hike on a very difficult path in 90ºF of humid heat for over two hours, without any water or supplies.
I wasn’t familiar with this trail and when I asked how much longer the trail would last, he replied, “we are almost there”. Certainly we were not. It felt like I was literally dying of thirst. Another core value disregarded.
If push came to shove (and especially with children), I wouldn’t be able depend on this “Good Time Charlie”.
Getting crystal clear on your core values is absolute key so you can be able to recognize and avoid the Good Time Charlies who might not provide the stability and alignment with your own beliefs that you need. (Likewise, you will be able to connect with someone, if he or she happens to be “of your kind of people”.)
Let me share the story of my client, Karen, who needed the same thing many of my clients do: To tighten her dating requirements when looking to find her spouse. When she came to coaching, she was dating someone she hoped would be the one.
The situation seemed to fit her needs because she was busy working and going to school and he would only see her sporadically when he called for the usual booty call date.
But Karen valued getting deep in conversation and being upfront with her feelings and the feelings of the person she’s dating. In reality this relationship didn’t fit that mold.
And it went on for two years – the tough part was he wasn’t a bad guy, and he was even there for her during some tough times she went through. However, our coaching clarified that she wanted marriage and a family.
So she finally had the conversation with her boyfriend about her desire to get married. He was honest with her and admitted that he had no intention of ever getting married.
Although it was difficult, Karen mustered up the courage to break up with her boyfriend. She also started to pay attention to how she looked, bought some new clothes and got a new “do” to feel better about herself.
Once she closed the door on that relationship, another one quickly opened. This was the door to a man who had been admiring her at work. They finally connected and the connection was strong and deep!
Turned out he was a marriage-minded man, who was open to having another child since he was a single dad.
She told her new boyfriend of her desire to get married and have a family within a month of meeting him, instead of waiting two years like she did prior. That was a big shift for her. This was the shift she needed to feel more in control of her dating direction and get what she really wanted from a committed relationship that could lead to marriage.
Are you all over the place with dating and date haphazardly? Are you in go-nowhere relationships? Are you wasting time on people who aren’t looking for the same things you are? Are you looking to find your spouse?
If so, I recommend you hone your dating radar by getting utterly clear on your core relationship values and who you truly want in your life. Only then can you fully be able to fearlessly express your desired vision for the future and know whatever the result, that is meant to be! (And take such action in as little as a month or two after meeting that person!).
I’m here to take you through my process that will help you sort out who you are and who you need to find as your spouse with my value-based coaching. You will find my approach will help you move through your dating decisions faster. This really works!
In this article, I shared with you an excerpt from my new guide about the most critical dating secret you MUST KNOW that I see my clients need to learn so they can find their spouse.
To discover the other top 2 Critical Dating Secrets download my recently released, easy to read guide, Discover The 3 Critical Dating Secrets you MUST KNOW to Find Your Spouse this Year! HERE
P.S. Grab my new 12 page guide and learn how to shift your dating so you can get on track to find your spouse! It’s easy to read and perfect light summer reading with valuable lessons!