These are unusual times, to be sure. Everything seems to be on pause. Many people don’t know when or where they are returning to work. And even singles open to love aren’t sure how to pursue it.
Even though life as we’ve known it seems to be changing, many people are making good use of this time. They’re learning new skills, spending more time with family, and focusing on things that really matter.
For singles who are motivated to marry, dating has been looking a little different lately. Some may not even call it “dating.”
But, for those committed to finding true love, quarantines and social distancing aren’t stopping the active search for that special someone. There is nothing like spending huge amounts of time alone to intensify the desire to be coupled.
However, not everyone who is single is looking for love. And that may be a difficult reality to grasp if you’re open to love and actively seeking a relationship.
Perhaps you aren’t as open to love as you want to be or think you should be. And that, too, may be a difficult – and surprising – reality to grasp, especially if you’ve always envisioned yourself in a relationship.
There are several reasons that a single person may not want a relationship or be looking for a new love. See if you recognize any in yourself.
- Getting over a recent loss.
The loss may be a friend, a parent, or a partner. It may even be a beloved pet. What matters isn’t the “who” or “what,” but the depth of connection and love felt by the bereaved toward the one lost.
It takes time for people to heal from a loss and be ready to open up enough to allow someone new into their lives.
One of my clients met a man who was recently widowed. They traded several emails and seemed to hit it off. But there was no momentum to bring the conversation to the phone.
She soon realized that the man she was communicating with was not ready for a new relationship. He was still mourning his wife.
Another client recently lost her last parent. She had also been her parent’s caregiver.
After working through her grief, she finally gave herself permission to have a loving, nurturing partner. Now she’s ready for a relationship and open to love.
- Getting over a break-up.
Some people are just emerging from a break-up or divorce. The loss of a relationship, like a death, is still a loss. And those going through it also need time to heal.
They may also need time to do some deep self-evaluation. They need to understand why things didn’t work out. And they need to gain clarity about whom they need as a life partner. Only then will they be ready for love and able to recognize someone as a good match.
No one can tell you how long it should take for you to get over a relationship. So many factors come into play during the healing process. How long did the relationship last? Were you married? Are there children? How emotionally attached were you? Have you done any counseling to work through your own issues as well as your relationship issues? Do you enjoy your own life outside of being in a relationship?
When we’re hurt, we all tend to shut down and push love away because we’re afraid of being more hurt.
Unfortunately, some people have such a difficult time dealing with their pain that they’re reluctant to allow themselves to be vulnerable in a relationship again. They may even decide to avoid romantic relationships altogether.
Looking back to the time shortly after my divorce, there were quality men interested in dating me for a serious relationship. Nonetheless, I brushed them off because I wasn’t ready yet.
- Happy being solo.
Some singles just don’t value relationships as much as you do. They don’t want to be in the position of having to accommodate another person. They may like having their own space and not having to negotiate with someone else.
They have their friends, their careers, and their activities, and that’s good enough for them.
- Value relationships, but very busy.
Some singles might be taking care of their families or their health. They might be working hard to adapt to working from home. Maybe they’re on the front lines as health care workers or essential workers outside their homes preparing our food and protecting our neighborhoods.
Working under these conditions can be very stressful and tiring. So these people may be open to love but not ready for love at the moment.
If you’re single and desiring a relationship, you may think you have an open heart. But do you? And you may think you are ready for love. But are you?
I recommend you ask yourself these questions:
- Have you really moved on from your last relationship?
- Do you have a clear sense of the partner you are looking for this time around?
- Do you have time for a new person to come into your life? Are you prepared to spend quality time with him/her?
- Do you desire to have a life partner or just someone to pass the time with?
- Are you able to adapt to being a “we” instead of a “me” person?
If you’re not sure, I have a quiz you can take to see if you’re truly ready for a new love to come into your life. You can go to the MTM Quiz.
And if you’re ready, now can be a great time to make a connection and nurture a new relationship.
Would you like to increase your self-knowledge and learn more about how to have a healthy, loving relationship?
If so, I would love to share the Motivated to Marry Coaching Program with you. It will increase your knowledge about the kind of person that would make a great partner for you this time around.
This program can also help you build confidence about who you are and what you have to offer a new partner.
There are many wonderful men and women looking for a serious committed relationship. You just have to be prepared – and open – to love.
Stay safe and well!
PS: Go to www.talkwithcoachamy.com and grab a Meet Your Mate Strategy Session spot today so we can create a plan of how you can get off the dating merry-go-round and finally meet your true love!