Putting yourself out there to meet someone special can seem like a lot of work. Not only are you getting yourself ready, doing the inner work, updating online profiles, photos, etc. But then there’s the meeting people part.

You know, getting out there, going to singles events, wading through potential matches, and hopefully, from all that, actually getting to meet someone special who has real potential for lasting love. 

So it’s especially frustrating when you’ve invested time and energy into someone new, only to find out they aren’t looking for the same thing out of the relationship. 

How do you know if a date or a partner is wasting your time?

First, I’m here to tell you that finding true love, even if it’s taken a while, does happen. The effort, self-improvement, coaching, counseling, online dating profiles, etc., can lead to lasting love. I’ve coached hundreds of singles, especially singles 40+, who put in the effort and found their happily ever after.

However, an important part of all that is knowing how to discern if your date is aligned with you.

Ideally, you’ve clarified your relationship values and goals, created a vision of your ideal partner, and are holding fast to your must-haves and are on the watch for your deal-breakers so that you can weed out contacts early in the process. 

At a certain point in a dating relationship, you will have to bring up the subject of commitment.

If you have committed yourself to the goal of marriage, you need to know if your dating partner is also marriage-minded. Which means you have to talk about it. Yet, nothing scares off a person in a dating relationship faster than talk of weddings and family stuff too soon.

So don’t be afraid to communicate in generalities that your goal in dating is to find a marriage partner. Especially if you feel you’ve been clear about your intentions in your dating profile or when meeting new people. 

For instance, you might say, “I’m looking for a relationship that will lead to commitment. Is that what you are looking for?” If that statement scares your date away, then so be it! 

It shows that the person you were dating is not ready for a commitment at this point in their life. If you don’t want to waste time waiting, it’s best to thank them for their time and move on.

The response you’re looking for is, “So am I!”. I had this conversation with my husband after dating for only one month. At 41, I had to know and had no time to waste! And, he didn’t run away.

Timing still matters, though, so before you go too deep, consider:  

• Do you cringe when a date mentions marriage too early?
• When in a dating relationship, do you NEED to know if your date is interested in marriage or a committed relationship? 
• Will you be satisfied with an exclusive relationship, or are you hoping for marriage and possibly a family?
• Do you feel comfortable bringing up the subject of marriage or a life partnership, or are you willing to wait for your date to do it? 

The sooner you learn if your dating partner isn’t wasting your time, the better off you are!  

Even after those conversations, and even after becoming exclusive, it is still possible to miss signs that someone is wasting your time. Those subtle red flags that your date isn’t aligned with you.

Other times, your partner may not be as sure about what they want as they have communicated. They might be good at saying the right things to avoid rejection.  

So it’s important to look for other clues to figure out if your partner is on track with you.

How can you tell if your partner is serious and not wasting your time?

Ask yourself honestly these questions: 

• Do they share their life goals and seem to want to work towards them together?
  
• Do they make decisions that benefit the relationship instead of only themselves individually?
  
• Do they care about how their actions affect your life or how you may feel?

If you can answer all these questions positively, without reservation, you’re likely in a position to move the relationship forward. A partner who is willing to work to keep your relationship going is communicating that they value the relationship. They are more likely to also be looking for a long-term commitment. 

You can’t assume without asking. So it’s important to be open to having those critical relationship conversations to keep moving the relationship in the right direction for you both.

However, if someone consistently avoids clarity, dodges commitment conversations, or keeps benefiting from the relationship without moving it forward, that may be a sign they are wasting your time.

If dating for marriage or a life partnership is part of your life goals, then it’s important not to waste time in relationships that are going nowhere.

You don’t need to interrogate every date or demand immediate answers. Instead, you just need to pay attention to their actions and behaviors. 

If you are clear about what you want, willing to ask honest questions, and brave enough to notice the answers, you will save yourself heartache and stop wasting time on people who are not truly available for lasting love.

And if you need help figuring out whether a relationship is truly moving forward or just keeping you stuck, that’s exactly the kind of clarity dating coaching can provide.

Don’t waste any more time! Schedule a complimentary Meet Your Mate Strategy Session with me, and let’s get you on the path to lasting love!

About the Author

is a certified life coach and dating/relationship expert who has helped hundreds of marriage-minded singles find lasting, committed partnerships since 2005. Through private coaching and group programs, she specializes in helping people date with clarity, confidence, and purpose.