For the marriage-minded single looking for true love, the dating world can look like an endless haystack. You have higher standards than just casual dating or hooking up, and trying to find the needle in that haystack can seem overwhelming. By spending a little time learning how to find a dating coach first, your search for “the one” could get a lot easier.
What is it about “dating coaches” that’s made them such an asset in today’s dating world? And if you have no clue how to find a dating coach, is the search for one just an extra burden? You’re searching for love, but first you have to search for someone to help you find it?
It’s easy to think of love and dating as instinctive things that don’t require a strategy. Just be in the right place at the right time, let nature take its course, and if it’s meant to be, it will be.
That may work for those with a short-term, fairytale approach to romance. But you and I know that committing your life to one person requires a lot more effort than that. There’s just too much at stake here.
A good dating coach isn’t a glorified matchmaker. They have a committed interest in more than just helping you find someone to date or even marry. Not only do they care about your life vision, they are committed to helping you develop and present your best self so that you can attract, recognize, and keep true love.
A dating coach takes on your long-term vision for love and objectively guides you toward finding it. They are your expert in the dating world, your strategist, your sounding board, your objectivity when emotions muddle your reason. They are, in many ways, your life coach for dating.
Before thinking about how to find a dating coach, let’s talk about why you may want to find one.
- You notice a dating pattern that isn’t working.
- Your reasons for dating have changed, but your approach to dating hasn’t.
- You aren’t finding or attracting quality dates.
- You don’t feel confident around the opposite sex (at least those you would consider dating).
- You haven’t been dating for a long time.
- You need help with online dating which hasn’t worked for you.
- You are marriage-minded and don’t know how to attract someone who is also marriage-minded.
Do you see yourself in any of the above reasons? If yes, then let’s talk about how to find a dating coach that is right for you.
- What’s the coach’s approach to love and dating?
Do they focus on who the client is as a unique individual? Do they rely on a specific “formula” for finding true love? Do they work only with clients who meet specific criteria (age, income, education, race, religion)?
- What is the coach’s website like?
Is it well-done? Approachable? Easy to navigate? Does it provide a clear picture of who the coach is — their philosophies, qualifications, approaches to dating and love? Does it provide helpful information in the form of blog articles and up-to-date research?
- What are the coach’s qualifications?
This is where you may have to do a little reading between the lines, as “dating coach” has yet to become its own degree program.
Is the coach also a certified professional life coach? How long have they been practicing as a dating coach? Do they objectively tell you how to find a dating coach so that you find the best match for you?Does the coach have a college degree, and if so, in what? Does their education support the work of guiding people in personal and relationship development?
Are there testimonials and success stories presented on the website?
- What kind of support is offered?
Will you be meeting on a set schedule? In person, by video conference, or by phone?
Will the coach be available for support calls between scheduled meetings? What about emails and texts?Some coaches offer a limited amount of between-session support for a fixed price, then charge for anything outside that. And some offer unlimited support for a contractual price, allowing you to call, text, and email when you need feedback or support.
Be sure you know in advance what type of support you can expect.
- How does the coach approach personal development?
Do they focus on building your confidence and/or social skills? Do they have a plan for expanding your social life? What will you be discussing in your coaching sessions?
Will there be role-playing or opportunities to practice new skills? Does the coach utilize personality assessments or quizzes like the 5 love languages?
Does the coach encourage outside counseling or learning opportunities like seminars and workshops? Do they give homework and/or reading materials for you to take away from your meetings?
- What’s the initial consultation like?
Many of your key questions around how to find a dating coach will be answered in the strategy session.
This is the most important opportunity for you and the coach to decide if you’re a good fit. Just as not every two people are a good fit, not every dating coach and potential client are a good fit either.
This is the time to ask questions about the coach’s approach, qualifications, philosophy, and personal style. Listen to their tone. Do you feel comfortable talking with the coach? Do you sense that this is someone who could help you grow and develop your strengths?
- Is the coach up to date with current dating practices?
Do they have a strong working knowledge of the major online dating sites and even some of the more niche sites? Have they had proven success helping clients with their online dating presence (profiles, meetings, relationships, marriages)?
Do they know the best places for clients with different interests and goals to meet worthwhile candidates?
- Does the Coach have the knowledge to support you in a new relationship?
Many dating coaches can get you dates. However, how can they support you when you meet a likely candidate? Do they have the skills and knowledge to help you go from dating to an exclusive relationship and then to long term relationship and marriage, if that’s your goal?
- What’s the cost?
Is there a monthly fee? A per-meeting fee? Referring back to the support, what will you get for the fee? Will you get an agreement or contract in writing? How will you pay? Is there a payment plan or a flat fee?
- Are there any concerns or red flags?
As with anything in life, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
Be cautious of any dating coach who promises what simply can’t be promised. Quick-fixes and promises of an engagement within a guaranteed amount of time may work for TV ratings, but they’re not realistic.
Ask a lot of questions…and trust your gut.
These guidelines for how to find a dating coach should streamline your search. The mindset behind them may seem common-sense, but it can be easy to forget what you should be looking for when you have so many choices.
By doing some homework up front, you can be confident you can find a dating coach who is committed to your vision of true love. And then the real search can begin.