Resilience keeps coming up in my coaching. It’s an important marker on the “dating growth chart” for my clients, and it’s an encouraging quality I witness in their responses to dating heartbreak.
If you’ve never worked with a certified relationship coach, you may have the misconception that coaching guarantees success with your first attempt.
Finding true love is a personal journey. For some, it does happen with the first serious relationship they enter into after we begin our work together. For others, it takes a couple of potential relationships. And that’s when dating heartbreak can happen.
When you’ve worked really hard to put your best and then your best-plus self out there only to either get rejected by someone you had hoped would be “the one” or decide you can’t live with something about this person, can be really difficult to understand.
Webster defines resilience as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
So how tough are you when you get the cold shoulder or the “we’re not a match” retort?
Are you still pining away for a past love, hoping for a change of heart?
Well, as Cher said with her famous slap in Moonstruck, “Snap out of it!”
What really matters is that someone values you, your efforts, and your attention.
And, if the person you’re trying to voodoo back to you doesn’t, then please, move on!
What exactly do resilient daters look like?
Resilient daters know what they want and keep moving forward in pursuit of it.
If they get rejected, they feel the sting for a short while, then get back into action. They get back out there so they can meet new people in order to find the one for them.
What they want in a relationship doesn’t change just because someone else doesn’t want the same things.
Resilient daters understand that a relationship is about fit and that they may not be what the other person is looking for. (Just as the other person may not be what they’re looking for.)
A lot of things have to line up in order for a relationship to be right.
“Moving on” doesn’t have to equal dating heartbreak.
Resilient daters keep their goals in mind.
For example, if they’re looking for marriage and kids, they’re going to look for marriage-minded people to date. Plain and simple.
Consider that not every potential love interest is going to share your goals.
Resilient daters see themselves in a coupled relationship and keep trying to meet the right person. (And yes, they do eventually meet that special someone).
Resilient daters learn from their past experiences. And they use that knowledge of what works and what doesn’t to improve the next relationship’s chances for success.
Resilient daters embrace the irony of life and use humor to deflect their disappointment. They don’t take everything so seriously.
Resilient daters have a good support system to champion them as they get back up after getting knocked down.
One particular client, Tim, comes to mind. This 50-something divorced dad kept getting “no thank you” and “I see you as a friend” from ladies he was interested in.
As his coach, I reinforced his fine qualities and assured him that he was going to meet a woman who would appreciate his efforts.
I knew he had the ability to be in a loving relationship. He just needed to hang in there and catch up to believing it himself.
Eventually he did find a woman who saw him for all his great qualities…and beyond just being friends.
Dating for a serious, committed relationship takes focus and resolve. And learning to be resilient in the face of dating heartbreak is the only way to stay on track.
If you’re ready to do what it takes to find a committed, loving relationship, let’s talk. Go to www.talkwithcoachamy.com to schedule a consultation, and let’s get you on track for finding the loving