How do you “find” love? Isn’t it supposed to “just happen” when serendipity and the stars are all aligned on your behalf? Won’t you “just know” when, say, you look up from the avocados and see “the one” also shopping for guacamole ingredients?

Something as important as finding true love – deep, lasting, build-your-life-together love – warrants more intention than being on alert in the grocery store.

Man and woman sharing a loving embrace during a snow shower.

Everyone knows the 3 L’s of real estate: location, location, location.

In marketing it’s the 3 P’s: positioning, price, promotion.

In finding-love lingo we talk about the 3 C’s: connect, choose, create.

How do you find love and develop a lasting romantic relationship with these three concepts?

Let’s look at each separately:

  1. Connect.

    At the very heart of looking for love is the desire to connect with another person. You want to gravitate toward someone whose company you enjoy and whom you would like to know better.

    Connection happens on multiple levels: emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual…and, the one that is easiest to recognize up front, chemical.

    Every person weighs the importance of these different forms of connection uniquely.

    It’s easy, for example, to fall for the stereotypes of women wanting to connect emotionally and men wanting to connect physically.

    But connection in love is an overlapping blend of the different kinds of connection.

    And the magic of this part of finding love is that connecting in one way can inspire or deepen your connection in another.

    Using the above example, a woman who feels fulfilled emotionally will often feel more physically open. Likewise, a man who feels connection on a physical level will often become more emotionally open.

    You can also “connect” on goals, values, and interests, or even on similar life experiences such as divorce or having children.

    And, of course, growing up in the same place, going to the same college, or being fans of the same sports team can forge an immediate connection and topic of conversation.

    In my own marriage, my husband Alan and I had several life experiences and values that proved to be deeply connecting for us. We were raised with the same religion, both grew up in New York, and have similar family values.

    Another example involves one of my clients who decided to reconnect with a woman he knew in college. Although they didn’t date while in school, they share the same group of friends, both are in their 50’s, and neither has ever married.

    They’ve also had similar life experiences.

    And now these two former colleagues, through a simple “reconnection,” are dating and planning their future together.

    Shared goals, for marriage-minded people, can be as simple as getting married and having a family.

    You and a partner may also share goals for your retirement – where you’re going to live, how much you want to travel, etc.

    The point of connecting with someone is that you look for and find areas of your lives that are in sync with each other. This synchronicity then becomes a cornerstone to the relationship you build.

  2. Choose.

    Even when you don’t think you’re making choices, you always are. How do you find love with one fish in the sea if you don’t make choices along the way?

    “Choosing” in the process of finding true love means that you thoughtfully define and ultimately choose the person with whom you want to become romantically involved and ultimately exclusive.

    As you meet and date more people, you’re constantly evaluating – and reevaluating – many things.

    One of the obvious things you’ll silently consider is whether you even feel a spark with someone.

    Not every attraction is an explosion of emoji hearts on the first meeting. That’s why I recommend going on at least 3 dates with someone before crossing him/her off your list.

    This assumes, of course, that the person has the qualities you’re looking for and doesn’t turn you off. Chemistry, after all, can develop over time.

    And, to tie in the “connection” piece, chemistry can also blossom as more points of connection are discovered and nurtured.

    Here are some other points to consider as you’re choosing whether or not to stay with someone.

(You can learn about the 12 areas of evaluation for deciding on the right partner in the Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets Coaching Program.)

  1. Create.

    The final C builds upon the first two. This is the stage where the two of you together will create a relationship that gives you both what you need from it.

    You get to create the kind of relationship you desire. You’re not expecting it to simply show up. You and the person with whom you’ve connected and whom you have chosen get to create it together.

    Here are several important points to consider when creating the relationship you want.

When you’re standing alone asking, “How do you find love?”, my job as a dating coach is to help make sure you’ve got the 3 C’s handled.

Let’s find you lasting, true love in 2022!

Visit talkwithcoachamy.com and schedule a Meet Your Mate Strategy Session. Together we’ll review your dating experience and develop a strategy to get you moving in the direction of love. 

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