Being able to take advantage of the millions of first date tips out there requires that you first make a connection. And not just any connection, the right kind of connection.
Has this ever happened to you?
You’re at a party or a single’s event, and you meet someone you’re physically attracted to. You talk about fifteen minutes on very superficial subjects such as the latest new restaurant or the upset of the local football team.
No real connection was established. No phone number was exchanged and the possibility of making a first date is not mentioned. You leave the party or event with no new dating prospects.
Does this happen to you more often than not?
If so, it’s time to ask yourself, “Why am I not connecting?”
To answer this question, you’ve got to understand where connection comes from when you’re dating for a serious relationship. Basically, there are 4 different aspects to connection:
- Similar life experiences
- Shared values
- Similar life goals
- Similar ways of looking at situations (i.e., Political, Cultural, etc.)
Similar life experiences may be that you’re both divorced with kids. You may connect on common issues around that circumstance. You may have gone to the same college.
I once witnessed a couple bond over the fact that they were both divorced and both lawyers. They even knew some of the same people who worked in the law field.
Shared values are critical for creating a lasting connection – and a connection that warrants digging into first date tips.
Let’s say you value being healthy and, as a result, have an active lifestyle. You would want a partner who shares that value with you. Perhaps you both enjoy bicycling or working out at the gym regularly and you’re both into buying organic food. Your first date could be a bike ride or checking out a new health food restaurant.
When you meet someone with the same life goals, that gives the green light for exploring a connection further. If you’re looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage (or as I say, “you’re Motivated to Marry!”) and you both recognize that, and you’re attracted to one another physically, then it gives you a strong pull towards seeing each other again for a first date.
When I was single, I met some men who I realized were NOT Motivated to Marry, and I didn’t see a reason to go out with them or spend any more time with them, let alone plan a first date.
Life together is harder if you come from diverse ways of looking at life. If you enjoy conflict and debate, then you may want to find a partner who also relishes that. Other people prefer to have someone who shares their political views and/or has similar expectations around faith. They find comfort in having someone with whom to share their personal views and who just seems to “get” them.
You’ll find it’s easier to connect with potential partners for a first date when you have similar life experiences, shared values, similar life goals, and/or similar ways of looking at life. And if you can easily and deeply connect enough to agree on a first date, hopefully, that will lead to a second!
What first date tips have worked for you when it comes to connecting with the right people for a serious relationship and getting past that first date? I’d love to read your comments below. I recommend you find your common ground and see if that makes a huge difference in how you are connecting with potential dates. Let me know how it goes for you.
Intentionally yours,
Coach Amy
PS. If you’re not looking for your true love online, now’s the time to start! Perfect your online dating strategy and be a part of the BEST way to meet other singles. Sign up for your FREE copy of my Online Dating Checklist. (See the upper right-hand side of this webpage!)