There are many beliefs about love. “Love should be easy. Love requires effort. Love is predestined. Love is what you make it.” And on and on.
Some people even think it’s OK to have someone else do the work for them. They don’t think it’s necessary to do the upfront work of preparing and searching for love.
Some of my prospective clients have used their busy lives as an excuse to hand off the job of finding love to a matchmaker. “I work long hours. I have this obligation, that social event, these activities.”
What message does that give to a potential partner?
Do people like that really have time for a relationship? Do they truly understand what relationships are about, let alone value them? Do they have any sense of accountability for their personal role in their own relationships?
People who are seeking a relationship want to see that you are involved in the process of finding true love. They want to experience the effort you are making. After all, they’re making the effort, too. And the effort you make is the greatest statement of your current desire and potential future commitment.
So, trusting in another person to pick your mate? How would you feel as a potential candidate for this client? For that matter, if you are in a matchmaker’s candidate file, what message are you delivering? Whose instincts are you trusting more – yours or those of a person whose job it is to “provide” candidates for a client?
(I’ve seen firsthand how a matchmaker was not willing to present a client of mine to her client, even though I thought the couple could hit it off.)
All I know from my personal experience and my 16+-year coaching career is that what you focus on is what you achieve. And “focus” involves personal effort, not just desire or financial investment.
If you want to lose 20 lbs, it’s not enough to buy the expensive meal and exercise plans. They won’t do the work until you do the work.
And that’s the point. True love requires effort. And ultimately, you have to do the work.
Your potential partner will respect and appreciate that you took an active role in finding your life partner. The awareness of being “chosen” and worked for by someone helps to create a deep and lasting connection. And they are ready to be proactive with the process.
When a not-so-young man told me he was too busy to sign up for my coaching program, my radar went up. When he said he relies on matchmakers (with zero success for over two years), I knew he wasn’t my client.
You see, my clients are ready to step up, to go through my process and do the work. They understand and embrace the reality that love requires effort.
It’s not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things – just a couple hours a month. But those hours represent your determination to find true love.
And remember, the bottom line is that a potential mate will appreciate your efforts.
I remember the energy I put into looking for my husband. And I appreciated the effort he put into learning more about relationships and looking for someone he wanted to meet. He was being proactive with the process. He even had a support group and counselor helping him along the way.
Because I was in my late 30s and truly motivated to marry, I tried hiring matchmakers. I was matched based on age, supposed life goals, and perhaps education. Nothing else. They didn’t go deeper to understand my values or what I truly wanted for my life. And every time they missed the mark.
Then, when I turned 40, I got serious about my quest for love. I hired a coach. And he helped me refine my search and see what I truly needed in a partner. He challenged my beliefs and helped me see my now-husband as “the one.”
Mitch, a divorced man in his 50s, has a story like mine. He had tried a matchmaking service and met some nice women, but nothing clicked. Actually, he was interested in one or two, but they were too busy! Then he came to me for coaching and followed my process to a T.
With my help, he started dating online a couple months later. And, a month after starting online dating, he met his now-fiancé. Four months later they were engaged.
Our coaching helped him get love right this time.
If you need support in your quest for love, let me show you my proven step-by-step (and easy to implement) coaching process. It consistently gets results. The sooner you start, the sooner you’ll be on the right path to finding true love.
Wishing you safety and happiness,