Do Matchmaking Services really work? This is what I have observed in my 16 years of coaching….

21 October 2017

Matchmaking services have been around since the dawn of time and my clients ask me if they should try it.   Essentially they are asking me, “Is a matchmaker worth the money?”  I then respond to them with this answer…..

Also, over a dozen times a year I talk to a prospective client that has had this particular experience with a matchmaking service or individual.  (Also, I’ve heard this response from an occasional friend too!)

What I found out was that they have spent from $5000 to over $10,000 on matchmaking services that promised to introduce them to their true love partner.  Initially they are excited about the possibilities, however, the results end up being disappointing at best.   So is a matchmaker worth the money?

They are presented with a couple of matches that are not at all what they expected.  The quality of the people are less than up to their standards or the person they are matched with is a complete miss.  And several times they are just waiting for a qualified match and don’t seem to hear from the service.  Many times the client is calling the matchmaker to inquire, “Do you have anyone for me?”

And, then they see their savings go down the toilet and many are in tears wishing they had not gone that route.

Don’t believe me?  Go to the Better Business Bureau, Yelp and other online source to check out any matchmaking service you may be considering using.

In over 13 years of coaching hundreds of singles who want serious relationships leading to a long term relationship or marriage partner, only one client has gotten married through a matchmaking service.  Not great odds if you ask me.

And many of my clients have tried matchmaking services before they came to me as a coach.

Also, let me share this statistic:

Over 80% of my successfully coupled clients have met their partners through a traditional online dating site.  And about 30% of all US marriages come from online dating sites now.

[Recommended Reading – Online Dating Profile Advice To Let People Know You’re Marriage-Minded]

When Lilly came to me, she was in her late 40’s, divorced with no kids.  She was about to plunk down $5000 for a dating site that offered to be her matchmaker.

Fortunately, she had the good sense to come to a certified professional life and relationship coach before she would ever consider going to a match-making service.

She worked through the Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets program and signed up for my 6 month private Diamond coaching package.   In that package I review and edit my client’s online profile.

Also, we pulled out her critical relationship values in one of our first coaching sessions with me where she discovered what she really needed to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship.  This was a big Ah Ha moment for her.

After we infused that the necessary information in her profile, she met her now fiancé on a traditional dating site.  That happened within 4 months into her coaching package.

And I can share so many client stories of how the Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets Coaching System helped them to meet that special person.

Recently I had a conversation with Matthew, a heart centered recently divorced dad in his 50’s with  teenage kids.  Unfortunately, he had already signed up by signing a contract for a matchmaking service for over $5000 and was no longer in the position to afford the coaching although he seemed interested in coaching.  And given his come from place, coaching would have really served him to get on the right path, especially after a divorce.

3 months later I checked back with Matthew to see how things were going with his matchmaking pursuits.  He was very upset with himself and disillusioned.

The matchmaking service did not introduce him to any woman that was up to his standards and he felt he had wasted his hard earned money.

Let me share with you why coaching works so much better looking to matchmaking services to help you find love:

1.You are the best expert on what you want and need to be happy in a relationship. Who best to pick someone who meets your needs and requirements?

2. With coaching you will be communicating the right information to your prospective mate since you will have done the deep inner work necessary to pinpoint who would be the right partner for you. You will be able to share your critical relationship values and life vision to any person you date so you can make sure you are on the same page. Without coaching, you may be communicating the very information to your matchmaker about the special person you want to meet that that has not been working for you so far.

3. Finding a Soulmate works better when you are looking at dating in context of your whole life. We get you so clear on who is the right person for you to meet.  This is the essence of who this person is, not superficial stuff like height or hair color!  We are able to access both the inner mindset roadblocks and the external, currently-beyond-your-control roadblocks that are keeping you from meeting your mate.  Many times other areas in your life need to shift before you are truly ready for a life partner.

4. Online dating gives you access to so many more people! There is no way your matchmaker has that many people in their network.  Ask them how many people they have in your age range that is active in their database. Then ask them how many of those people are paying thousands of dollars that you are.  And if you have to limit your search to a certain geographic area, this number is much smaller.

5. You are spending a fortune to work with these Matchmaking services, but most of the candidates the matchmaker presents to you are not paying a penny! So their candidates don’t have as much invested in the process as you do.  So if you are not exactly what they are looking for, then they will not go on a second date.  I recommend you ask your matchmaker about how many paid clients do they currently have in in your age range (of the particular sex you are interested that are paying the same amount of money as you are.

6. It can be intimidating (and a lot of pressure) for someone to know that you are spending this kind of money to find a mate. And especially if you are a female who is using a matchmaker, I would think most men would be easily scared off.   I have seen this with my female clients who have tried matchmaking services.

7. Matchmaking services work best for men in their late 40s and early 50s and women in their mid 30s to early 40s who have the goal of getting married for the purpose of having a family. Here time is a critical issue.   I don’t recommend it for you if you are outside that range.  Most people don’t have the “My time is valuable” motivation.

8. People who come to coaching are willing to learn and grow as individuals. That is much more attractive to a potential partner. Those who use a matchmaker want other people to do the work and the screening for them.   Many have not taken a hard look at why they are not meeting people on their own.   The very reason that a person is not connecting with a partner leading to a long term relationship when trying to meet people on their own, this is not going to be any different when they go on a date set up by a matchmaker.  There has been no change in their approach or development of their self awareness.  For dating, one needs to understand the mechanics of how people connect!

9. Coaches set up regular appointments with you an agreed number of times a month. Coaching provides accountability and ongoing support for the client.    How many people can your matchmaker truly be serving at one time?  Will you have his or her full attention?  And if a great candidate comes along, will you be matched or will they offer the match to another the person working the matchmaking service?  And will they offer that potential match to more than one client at a time? If so, then are you actually competing with their other clients for available candidates?  Whose responsibility is it for following up with you and how often are you going to hear from them about any possible new matches?

10. Most matchmakers dont have any professional coach training.  Would you go to a lawyer who didn’t go to law school and pass the bar?  Would you go to a therapist who didn’t get her or his license or graduate degree?  Did you know that a certified matchmaker goes to 3 day training to get their certification at a conference for Matchmakers.  Most certified professional life coaches are trained for over 50 hours and then is required to take an extensive exam to be certified.  I went to Coach Training Institute for almost 2 years.  I passed both my Coach Training Institute exam and the International Coach Federations exam to get my CPCC and PCC certifications.  These are both highly respected certifications in the coaching profession.  And then I got further training from the Center of the Right Relationship.  All this is over 100 hours of coach training.  Ask your Matchmaker about their specific training and certifications and what that entailed.  And are they even married themselves? 

The problem that occurs with matchmaking services is two-fold:

1. Most of my clients need do the inner work first before they are actually ready to meet their true love partner.  The coaching makes sure that they are looking for the right person and helps them gain a greater understanding of who would be a good partner for them is first and foremost.  So when they just go to a matchmaker, they haven’t changed anything: themselves or who they think they are looking for.   Many times there needs to be a refinement of who you are attracting and figure out who really is the right match for you.

2. If you do find someone that you feel has potential, the matchmaker does not have the interest nor the skills to help you with getting to exclusivity and then to engagement. They are looking for their next matchmaking client.  And most my clients have benefited greatly from our coaching once they are in a relationship to get them to a greater level of commitment and to make sure they get their needs met in the this new relationship.  Since my clients value the life coaching approach to relationships,  many coach for an average of a year or more to get the support in all areas of their life (career too!).

In the 13 years that I’ve been coaching, only one client has been successful in meeting their spouse with the help of a matchmaking service.  She had been already coaching with me for about six months when she  was introduced to her husband. Because of the coaching, she was able to recognize him to be a good candidate for her.  Her matchmaker was given a list of her values that we created in her values clarification session, as well as, other pertinent information that described the type of man she desired to meet.  And she was in her early 40’s still wanting to have a family which I mentioned is one of the perfect clients for matchmakers.  Even after she met her man, she continued to coach with me for about 2 years and after her engagement to help her through the issues they faced in her relationship that they needed to work through.

The proven Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets process has been working for my clients for years.  I’d love you to have the benefit of that knowledge and experience.  I recommend we talk BEFORE you consider working with a matchmaker.  And during the coaching I do discuss if a client’s chances are good for utilizing that kind of matchmaking service or it will be a complete waste of your money.

I have had many clients who met their mates through their own efforts with some coaching support and my guidance.  Coaching is the best way I know that will increase your odds of helping you achieve your goal.

And, I know this from personal experience.

I met my husband when I was working with a coach.  At 40 I had signed up for two matchmaking services.  Yes, I was motivated.  I wanted to get married and have a family in the worst way.

I did not meet my husband through a matchmaking service although I did plunk down considerable money to try.

I met my husband on my own.  I almost missed him.   With my coach I developed a strategy so I wouldn’t waste time dating the wrong men.

It was my coach that encouraged me to look further and to challenge my limiting beliefs and assumptions about him.  Then, when I met Alan, we met with my coach and he helped us get to the place that we would be ready to consider marriage.

So my recommendation to you is to seek out a professional life coach that specializes in dating and relationships.  Someone with experience and has helped hundreds get to that place.  Someone who has been married and knows what it takes to make a relationship work.  Someone who has a good grasp of the dating landscape – how to meet people from both online and face to face opportunities.

You would hire the best attorney or doctor if you had to.  Finding your mate is one of the most important decisions in your life.  Don’t leave it to an amateur.

Your life decisions are much too important for you to do that.  Unfortunately, I’ve seen many smart people be taken by the lure of having matchmaking services do the leg work for them.  And the end results were disappointing, if not devastating.  So is a matchmaker worth the money?  Frankly, not for most people.

You can do this – instead of relying on a matchmaking service, I can show you how to simplify your dating efforts so you can find that special person sooner than later.   And you will feel empowered for taking this positive action in your behalf.  If the Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets coaching approach appeals to you, then I look forward to hearing from you.

Wishing you the best in life and love,

Coach Amy

PS. I appreciate you taking the time to read this important posting about matchmaking services. I’d love to hear what you think.  If you want to talk about how life and relationship coaching can make a big difference in your life for you,  then I’d love to explore with you how the Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets coaching program can show you what you need to do to meet your mate.

Go to to share a bit about yourself.  Then we can schedule a Meet Your Mate Strategy Session to get you moving in the right direction so you can meet your mate once and for all.  And with the clients that I’m currently coaching, I am helping them get ready to meet their mate during the best time of the year for online dating January!  Now is the time to take this leap to finding love!  I look forward to hearing from you soon!