After turning forty, I felt that the motivated to marry guys who wanted families were only looking at 30-year-olds. My time was running out. I had a decision to make – and I had to make a big shift in how I was putting myself out there to date. I also decided to consider dating outside the DC area – if the right guy presented himself. Remember, I owned and operated a woman’s clothing boutique so that required I consider closing my store!
Also, I had to make changes in my business to support my relationship goals. I hired a manager and started to delegate more so I had more free time to get out, attend singles events and activities that I enjoyed and meet people. The tradeoff was that I took home less pay from the business. [For those entrepreneurs check out my “How to Date Like an Entrepreneur” chapter in my book Get It Right This Time.
Eventually I came to the realization that finding a life partner was more important that having a child. I wanted the right relationship. I had to relax, let go of the time pressure and just enjoy my life – not care about the outcome! What I found out was I was attracting men to me. The bicycle group I belonged to had a long weekend planned to Cape May, NJ. On that trip I met 3 guys that seemed interested in me. One of them was my husband although he really wasn’t on my radar yet.
During that weekend, Alan was at my dinner table and made an effort to ride along side me during the day bike ride. Saturday night I tried to get a group together to go to the Wildwood Amusement park at the next town. I only was able to get Alan and my best friend to say they would go with me. When my friend saw it was going to be the 3 of us, she backed out. So Alan and I went to the amusement part just the two of us. She kept insisting it was a date. I kept saying it wasn’t a date!
We both love amusement parks and especially roller coasters! We walked along the boardwalk and I found out we had similar family backgrounds (we are both from the New York City area) – although he was raised in a more Orthodox Jewish home, he was practicing as a conservative. We had many similar values in common.
Alan surprised me and offer to treat me to a palm reading. So we both had our palms read. I went into the curtained area with an older woman dressed as a gypsy that could be out of central casting! She looked at my palm, “You have been unlucky at love” “Sure, you can say that!” I replied. She continued, “Your heart and your head haven’t been aligned”. She had a point there. Now what? That did stick with me and that’s why I named my coaching business Heartmind Connection!
Alan decided to turn in at about 11 pm when we returned to the hotel. I saw my friends in the bar (I’m a late night owl) and they were heading down the street. So I joined them! There was another guy in the group that seemed cute and we walked together.
The next day, another guy who seemed interested in me wanted to get a tennis doubles group together. My girlfriend is a good tennis player and we needed a fourth. Alan stepped up and offered to play tennis. Remember, I wasn’t really considering Alan as serious dating material yet. He was just a nice guy to hang out with.
Last, Alan made sure he was on my boat back to Delaware. We hung out some more on the boat. We even have a picture of us together.
The night at the amusement park and the rest of the weekend did set the stage for Alan and I to start dating when we returned back from Cape May New Jersey. I started to take notice of his steady interest in me.
What shifts do you need to make in your life to support your relationship goals? Do you leave yourself open to opportunities to meet people who have the same life goals as you do? Is the person you are meant to be with already in your world, but you don’t see it?