The idea of walking up to an attractive woman to strike up a conversation isn’t in every man’s comfort zone. Women don’t have a corner on the market of shyness, but men often feel the expectation to take the lead in dating. So dating advice for shy guys has to take that into account.
Before jumping into specific tips for pushing past your comfort zone in the dating world despite your shyness, let’s make an important distinction.
Introversion and shyness often get confused and treated as the same thing. But they are actually quite different.
Introversion is a defining personality trait of a person. It’s part of his make-up and his natural way of being.
The introvert chooses and enjoys time alone because spending a lot of time with others is emotionally draining for him. He will therefore instinctively retreat in order to recharge his batteries before heading back into the social scene.
Coaching the introvert is largely about helping him manage his time with others. He often needs help knowing how to set boundaries around his time and the type of partner seeking activities in which to engage.
How do I participate in group activities without getting overwhelmed? How do I explain to someone I’m dating that my need for alone time isn’t a statement about her? How do I stay true to myself without hurting people’s feelings?
The shy person, on the other hand, doesn’t necessarily want to be alone, but is afraid to interact. He may truly enjoy the company of others, but just doesn’t know how to engage.
Dating advice for shy guys, then, has to take into account this difference between choice and fear.
Because I specialize in helping marriage-minded people find true love, this distinction is essential to me being able to provide proper guidance. I work in that space between a person’s unchangeable traits and areas for growth.
My goal, after all, isn’t to change who a person is. My goal is to make the most of his natural qualities and develop skills that will replace fear with confidence.
Introverts are always going to be introverts. But this dating advice for shy guys can help those who isolate out of fear get the connection — and love — they crave.
So, what’s a guy to do when making conversation makes him uneasy? If he’s not going to be the life of the party, how can he at least enjoy being at a party? And how can he start to feel like a natural in the world of romance?
Here is some dating advice for shy guys that should feel both possible and fun.
- Keep women in perspective.
They’re just people. The woman who makes your palms sweat has a job like everyone else. She has dreams and insecurities like everyone else. She probably even leaves dishes in the sink and hits the snooze button like everyone else.So, while you should always keep your standard of respect and treatment high, remember that women are people, too. And the ones worth dating just want to be with real guys who don’t put them on a pedestal they can’t stay on.
- Great minds think alike.
Even if you are trying to stretch out of your comfort zone, you can still choose activities with like-minded people. Connecting with others through common values and interests takes the burden of unfamiliarity off the table. Whether it’s a common cause or a common hobby, a big chunk of your conversation is already built in.
- Build your circle of female friends.
Just because someone is the opposite gender doesn’t mean the connection has to be romantic.Learning to approach interesting, personable women without a romantic agenda can be a big confidence boost. You get the opportunity to develop your social skills while being natural and not worrying about rejection.After all, you’re “just friends,” right? And who knows where a great friendship might lead….Female friends can also be a fantastic support system for their shy male friends trying to find lasting love.
- Choose active dates.
Who says your first date has to be over coffee or dinner? What rule book says you have to do a back-and-forth interview of one another en route to the next date?By getting out and doing something active, you build spontaneity and fun into your date. You also alleviate a lot of pressure for both you and your date. You can take a hike in the woods, go bowling, or see a museum exhibit.Who cares if you can’t find something to say for a few moments? You have that mountain-top view to take your breath away and inspire your conversation…and memories.
Active dates give you the chance to create things to talk about. They provide unpretentious opportunities to laugh, play, and learn about one another in a real-life way.
- Online dating.
These days online dating should be part of your “diversified dating portfolio.” In terms of dating advice for shy guys, online dating caters to their instinctive reservations about in-person communication. (For the time being, anyway.) Its solitary nature allows for thoughtful exploration without all the nerves. After some screening and a few written exchanges, your first date is more likely to feel more comfortable.
- Polish up your presentation.
How you present yourself delivers a message not only to the ladies, but to yourself. How you stand and carry yourself speaks to how you feel about yourself. (And if you don’t have the confidence you want to have, faking it for the time being will actually start to build it.)Focus on being healthy, fit, and attractive. You don’t have to be a Hollywood leading man — you just have to be the best You’re looking to be the leading man to one special lady, so take the time to present yourself like one.
- Hire a dating coach.
If you are dating with the intention of finding Ms. Right, a dating coach can guide you out of the fear of engaging with women. She can help you keep a healthy, realistic perspective of the opposite sex while nurturing your confidence.A good dating coach will also be able to mentor your online journey and provide specific dating advice for shy guys. She will know where you can meet people most aligned with your values and interests. And she will work with you to bring out your strengths and present your best self.
If you shy away from dating out of fear of making a mistake or not coming across as interesting, take heart. Part of stepping into your confidence is setting yourself up to succeed.
Placing yourself in situations that allow you to feel natural and comfortable can be the perfect opening to a genuine exchange with someone special.
And reaching out to knowledgeable sources can help you make the most of your awesome qualities.
As you try to date, your shyness shouldn’t be a reason you may feel defeated. By embracing its underlying humbleness, you may be surprised to learn that you are the catch at the end of Ms. Right’s hook.