You may be eager to fill your dance card with attractive, intriguing dates. But wanting to date and being ready to date aren’t always on the same page. If you’re not at least asking, Am I ready to date? you may need to rethink taking the plunge into the dating scene.
I love using the metaphor of a traffic light because it has clear signals. Red means stop. Yellow means proceed with caution. Green is GO!
What if you applied this metaphor to your dating readiness? Would it help you see where you are in your journey of finding true love?
The Red Light: Dating is NOT recommended!
The red-light stage is a time for self-reflection and getting back to your true sense of self. You’re exploring who you are and what you want for your life.
This is also the phase when you’re seriously practicing self-care.
People often enter this stage after the end of a relationship.
If you’re recovering from a breakup or divorce, you may be asking yourself, “What just happened?” You may even be in shock or mourning.
If you have lost your partner to death, you may be trying to get a foothold on life without him or her. And you will inevitably grapple with deciding what matters most to you now, which may have changed dramatically.
This is a time to re-establish your ties with supportive friends and family, not head out into the dating world.
You may also choose to hire a life coach to help you rediscover yourself.
It’s not always easy to identify your passions and the interests that make your heart sing, especially if you are healing from a loss.
Answering yourself honestly when you ask, Am I ready to date? is a gesture of self-love.
Observing the red light and stopping to tend to your self-care demonstrate maturity and self-control.
You know the time will come to start dating again. But you also know you will never have any success if you don’t take the time to be kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need to heal.
The Yellow Light: Dating to Learn about Yourself.
Perhaps you’re yearning for a life companion. You either miss or dream about having that special person in your life — the connection and intimacy.
This is when you need to proceed with caution when it comes to dating.
When you’re in this stage, you’re still in a vulnerable state. You may think you’re ready for a deep and lasting relationship, but you’re really not.
You are, however, ready to explore what’s out there and see dating as an adventure.
If you meet someone who is gung-ho for you, you will most likely push the unsuspecting person away because you’re simply not as ready as you thought.
When you’re dating with a yellow light, you’re dating for a learning experience.
You know what you want for yourself much better now than when you were in the red-light stage. You see dating as a personal growth experience, and you’re right.
This is the time for you to see what works best for you and what doesn’t. Building resilience and more self-confidence are the goals.
In the yellow-light stage, I recommend you take a class that expands your knowledge of relationships and also builds your circle of friends. Do activities that you enjoy and where you’ll meet people with whom you’ll connect.
Having single friends to share activities with is important because your married and coupled friends may not be able to spend as much time with you.
Here you still keep your heart protected and don’t let anyone get too close.
Having a good support system as you venture out is very important. That might include a trusted friend or family member, a relationship coach, or therapist.
Green Light: Ready for Love
When you’re in the green-light stage, you’ve done the inner work necessary to be a healthy and whole person with a solid sense of self-worth. You’re now open and ready to fully love again.
When you’re in the green-light stage, asking yourself Am I ready to date? is almost a rhetorical question because the answer is, Hell yes!
It’s time for you to go full force and find ways to meet people who are aligned with your goals and values. You’re dating online, asking friends to introduce you, and remaining open to meeting people you may not have considered before. You look for social groups and Meetups specifically for singles.
You may even consult an image consultant to update your look, buy new clothes for dating, and get new photos for your online postings.
In the green-light stage, you seek support for going through this journey with likeminded people. Perhaps you join a coaching group supporting singles seeking life partners.
You learn to refine your boundaries and be purposeful in your pursuit of meeting that special person. You see the world as your oyster, and you’re ready to embrace the possibility that that special person is out there for you.
You’re not afraid to search for a marriage-minded person because you have prepared yourself for that level of dating.
So where are you on your path to finding true love?
The Motivated to Marry coaching program will help you get to the place where you’re truly ready to meet your true love partner.
Most people are languishing in yellow, but they’re not always doing the work they need to do to make the light turn green
The sooner you embrace the help that is available for you, the sooner you’ll have the tools and strategies to attract the high-quality person with whom you desire to connect. You’ll have the confidence to weather the ups and downs of dating, too.
Let’s get you the clarity you need to attract the right person. With coaching, we’ll get you to the green-light stage quicker.
Sign up for a complimentary Meet Your Mate This Year strategy session by going to talkwithcoachamy.com.
My virtual door is always open.