Believe it or not, there are some men and women who have not ventured into internet dating yet. By not exploring this avenue, these people are missing an important avenue for meeting wonderful men and women like themselves that are having a hard time meeting someone decent to date through more traditional means and their normal daily activities.
A coaching client, Sally* is a 40-year-old woman who has never married and was having no luck meeting appropriate men. She is a shy woman who dreaded singles events and “putting herself out there”. So I encouraged her to explore her perspectives on internet dating.
“It’s scary out there” came up first. She was afraid of the unknown and the “crazies” that she would encounter during her search. Also, she was afraid of any undesirable types who contacted her. I told her that it was a possibility that some unstable people were on the net, however, the process of weeding out by scrutinizing emails and talking to them on the phone would screen out most men she would feel uncomfortable with.
“What other perspective on internet dating comes up for you?” I asked her.
Then I continued, “What would your mother think of you trying internet dating?”
She laughed and said her mother would say, “What do you have to lose by trying?”
“What would ‘trying’ look like?” I encouraged her further, “It’s kind of like the nothing ventured, nothing gained perspective.”
Then, I went one step further, “What would your best friend say about you trying internet dating?”
“Oh, that’s easy. She would tell me to go for it!” Sally went on, “Also, there’s a whole world out there for me to explore.”
She continued to tell me that the “Go for it” perspective helped her feel as though it was possible to meet someone this way. She was hopeful.
“What could be fun about dating on the internet?” I asked.
“Well, I could meet interesting people, do interesting things, and go to interesting places.”
“So would you say this would be the ‘It’s fun out there’ perspective for internet dating?”
“Yes, I could see that,” she confirmed.
Then, a negative thought (a gremlin) suddenly came to Sally. “Aren’t only desperate men dating via the internet?”
So, we explored why someone would be dating using the internet. And we came up with the following positive reasons:
- These men may be time-constrained due to demanding jobs and family obligations and don’t have much time for traditional ways of meeting women such as singles events and activities.
- Men like convenience. This is an easy way to meet appropriate women to date.
- Men like to be efficient. The internet provides an efficient use of their time and money. You can go to a singles event and not meet anyone. You have just spent your time and your money without any results! Your chances seem better of actually going on dates with online dating.
- The internet provides a lot of information you don’t get when meeting someone at a bar or a singles event. It weeds through the chit-chat.
- You get to engage with someone and get to know them through emails and phone calls before you meet them. Therefore, physical chemistry doesn’t become the only factor in wanting to meet
- Internet dating is a one-on-one vehicle. It’s not like some of these meat-market singles events where you’re standing around with dozens of other women.
- The internet is great for shy and introverted people who don’t have an easy time at parties and group events.
- The internet is actively being used by all ages now, especially those 55 years and under.
After we brainstormed and uncovered these reasons for trying internet dating, Sally seemed ready to give online dating a try. Then, one last gremlin came up for her!
“It all sounds good, but this may take too much time for me,” Sally said. “How much time could you give to this activity during the week?”
I countered her question with one of my own. “How many hours are you willing to commit to spending on internet dating a week?” I asked firmly as her coach.
She said she was willing to commit 3 hours a week.
“And what perspective do you want to take on as you go forward with this venture?” I encouragingly asked.
“I want to take on the go-for-it perspective,” she answered.
“I know you will go for it and you will be courageous about it!” was my acknowledgment for my client that ended our session.
Do you desire to find true love sooner than later? I know your time is precious, and I have the plan to make sure you get love right this time! Go to www.talkwithcoachamy.com to set up a time for us to connect. You can be having fun with your new love by this summer!
*Sally is a fictitious name. This article was written as a compilation of several sessions with different clients at different times.