Have you ever looked around at couples with magical, mythical stories of how they met and fell in love? While you are happy for them, it can be frustrating to hear about how easy it was for them when you are still searching for your own love story. 

To make matters worse, their perfect storybook romances reinforce many of the myths about love that are harming singles’ dating experiences. 

Without realizing it, many singles are guided by these beliefs; ideas that sound romantic, hopeful, or even wise, but actually create unrealistic expectations and lead to poor dating decisions.

These love myths can sabotage your pursuit of true love by keeping you waiting on the wrong signs, looking for the wrong things, or expecting relationships to unfold in ways that are unrealistic.

Over the years, I have seen the same myths show up again and again in my clients’ dating lives, and these beliefs often do more harm than good. Here are five of the most common ones.

Myth #1: “I shouldn’t have to work so hard to find love. It just happens!”

Some people get lucky and meet their perfect person while they are still young. Those High School Sweethearts who, against all odds, have a thriving marriage. Or the College Couples who found each other studying amongst the stacks and continue to choose each other years later. 

While finding love this easily is the dream for most young people, it is actually much rarer than television or the media would have us believe. 

Most singles don’t just stumble on their perfect person. For many, the person they thought was “the one” turned out not to be such a great choice, and finding a solid, steady life partner seems to be as elusive and mythical as a unicorn. 

Oftentimes, finding love requires a little (or a lot) of work. 

• Do you understand what you are looking for and have a clear vision of your ideal partner?  What does this person’s character and personality look like? 
• Do you know your core values and relationship goals well enough to weed out potential dates based on this alone?  
• Do you have the skills to understand how to connect with the right person or how to even recognize them when you do meet them?
• Are you willing and able to work at meshing two separate lives and experiences into one shared life vision that will work for both people?

Finding the right partner for the rest of your life can take some trial and error, especially if you haven’t done the inner work required to choose correctly.

However, once you’ve found the right person, all the work (as well as the future work) will be well worth it. 

Myth #2: “Love at First Sight- I should know right away!”

Many singles believe that when you meet Mr./Ms. Right, you will just know! Everything else will melt away, and it will just be clear! Wouldn’t that be nice? Unfortunately, this is also a fabrication of Hollywood.

Yes, you can be attracted to a person. You may even have instant chemistry. However, you really don’t know them, and whether their life goals, values, and interests match up with yours. It’s just a hunch. 

I have known some men who saw a woman and knew right away that they wanted to be with her. My own father told my mother that he was going to marry her on their second date. My mother thought he was kidding and didn’t take him seriously at first.

While these kinds of stories are beautiful, they set false expectations, especially if, like me, you are related to someone who “just knew”.  

In today’s world, people have so many more options for how they want to live their lives. In our parents’ days, it seemed simpler; the “American dream” was an understood ambition. Society’s expectations of men and women were more finite, and there were fewer choices. 

These are not simple times. Our society, our lives, our choices, are richer and more diverse than ever before. So naturally, this means it takes a little more time and a few more dates to connect with someone and to see if it’s a good match. 

Even with the movie “Frozen,” the love-at-first-sight trope was found to be a sham with Princess Ana and Prince Hans. Finally, Disney is becoming more realistic when it comes to love.

Myth #3: “With love, there should be hot passion!”

Chemistry is just that….Chemistry. You can’t build a life with someone based on chemistry alone. I know because I have been there.

After the physical attraction, you have to have an emotional, intellectual, and, for some, a spiritual connection to sustain a long-term relationship.

What is going to happen when you are in your 60s or 70s? Will you still enjoy being with this person? Passion can rarely sustain a relationship for the long haul. 

I recommend instead that you look to share similar values, interests, and common life goals, which sustain connection.

With the right person, attraction will grow.

Myth #4: “If he (she) loves me, he (she) will change for me.”

Let’s be honest, this is a fairly selfish perspective. Follow this logic out… what if both partners felt this way? Both people, expecting the other to change their preferences, values, behaviors, expectations, desires, goals… personalities even? 

Perhaps this can work in small ways, for the short term. But it’s not sustainable, and eventually your partner will either show their true selves or resent you for making them be someone they’re not. 

Not only is it unrealistic, but it’s simply not fair.  

Lasting love is more easily achieved when singles are clear on who and what kind of life they want and pursue people who are similarly aligned.

Yes, opposites attract, and differences can be fun, in small ways. But on the important matters, similarities sustain. Thankfully, you get to decide what those important matters are.

Myth #5: “Love should be fun!”

Yes, you need to enjoy being with this person. You should absolutely be with someone whose personality and interests you enjoy. The more you can enjoy together, the more fun the relationship is.

However, if someone feels a relationship isn’t fun because they aren’t getting their way or they have responsibilities, then what will they do when life gets truly hard?

Ask yourself: Is this person reliable and true? Will they stick around for the tough stuff, like illness, job loss, a death in the family, issues with a child, demanding work, etc. or will they bolt in the face of these difficulties?

Relationships take work and require an understanding partner. However, with the right relationship, there is a flow, and you can laugh with one another despite life’s disappointments.

When you measure your dating success by these myths, you end up dating with unrealistic expectations, misreading red flags, or walking away from healthy possibilities simply because they don’t match the fantasy. 

True, lasting love is best found when pursued with careful consideration, intentionality, and a whole lot of patience. 

And it grows through discernment, shared values, and emotional connection. When you let go of unrealistic ideas about love, you give yourself a much better chance of recognizing a relationship that is truly right for you.

What about you? Are you guilty of holding on to any of these love myths? 

If you’re tired of second-guessing your dating choices or wondering what’s holding you back, a fresh perspective can help. 

Schedule a complimentary Meet Your Mate Strategy Session with me, and let’s talk about how to approach love with more clarity, confidence, and intention.  And you will learn to attract and recognize the right person when you meet him/her.