Let me ask you if you can relate to this true story about one of my clients who was looking to find true love.
Dana, an attractive 38-year-old woman, came to coaching because she considers herself Motivated to Marry. She was looking to find true love, get married, and have a family. Not so unusual, right?
In addition, she wants to advance herself in her career. She works a demanding job that often takes up weekends. She’s moving into a new condo in 2 months (to be closer to work and cut her commute time). Finally, she’s taking a graduate course to increase her skill set. All these priorities make for a very busy woman!
So what’s wrong with this picture?
Let me ask you, would you date Dana (If you are a woman, just think of Dana as a Dan!) And if not, what would be your reasons?
If Dana met the right guy tomorrow, would she be ready to give her all to a relationship? I think not.
There’s a certain pacing that exists in a relationship when a couple lives in the same town or city. When a connection happens, and both people are smitten, there is a mutual expectation about spending a good chunk of their time together. Most likely the couple will make time to spend together 2-3 times a week. Maybe dinner a couple of times and a weekend day.
However, if you’re dating and trying to find true love, and then finally meet someone who has potential, how will they feel when you tell them you are too busy to spend time with them? Would you expect them to stick around and wait for you? They will most likely move on, especially if they too are Motivated to Marry. . It’s unrealistic to expect someone, who is ready and willing to move forward with a relationship, to wait around.
So how do you let someone know that you are interested and available despite your other commitments?
First, it’s important not to be over-scheduled when you are putting effort into finding true love. Try to leave time in your schedule for dating. Even when you are taking a class, working on moving, or changing jobs.
And if meet someone great in the midst of a busy season, make sure you explain your situation clearly. Include how or when you plan to prioritize building a relationship. Having a plan speaks volumes, so don’t bury that info. If the early dates go well, you may find they’re willing to help!
Early on in my search for true love, I experienced the loss of a potential relationship because men perceived me as being too busy. I had met my husband 5 years prior to us reconnecting and we had gone on just one date. But being a boutique owner with many business commitments, Alan thought I was too busy for a serious relationship. At that time he chose not to ask me for a second date.
Fortunately, for me, we saw each other at an event 5 years later! And I was in a much better place to be available to be involved in a committed relationship!
As a relationship coach, I look at my clients’ whole life- their personal and professional goals. We want to make sure that there is time and space for finding true love and building a budding relationship. Many times my clients need to shift their priorities and time commitments to make the time and have the energy for a new relationship.
How many dating opportunities have you missed because you are just too busy to find true love?
And how do you change that perception? How do you show that you have time and a desire for a significant relationship? You don’t want to look like you are sitting around, waiting for someone to show up.
The answer lies in creating greater balance in your life. And to put yourself around quality people who can lead you to find your true love partner. Whether you’ve never been married like Dana, are a divorced single parent, or a widow with grown children.
In addition, it’s important to be able to communicate to your life vision for the next 5 to 10 years. If your potential match also shares your critical relationship values, the relationship may have what it takes to sustain itself for the long haul.
A true and lasting love partner is what most of my Motivated to Marry clients are looking for. If you want to be ready for true love when a quality person shows up in your life, then I recommend you set the stage now so you will be prepared for such a momentous event to occur in your life.