As I was dating for a committed relationship after my divorce in my mid-30s, I’d find that my relationships didn’t last more than 8 months. I was in a quandary about how to find a love to last.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want lasting love. It’s just that after dating exclusively for 3 to 6 months, I’d discover something about the person I was dating that made it impossible to continue the relationship.
Maybe you can relate to my experience. Or maybe your experience is that the person you were in a relationship with decided to end it – even though you thought there was real potential.
Over the nearly twenty years I’ve been a life and relationship coach, I’ve seen 7 reasons why people haven’t yet found a love to last.
And if you’re wondering why you’ve not yet found your true love, you’ll want to take a careful look at these reasons. Chances are that once you finish reading through them you may see how your dating needs to change.
1. Your life goals weren’t similar.
First and foremost in my opinion is that two people need to want the same things in life to have longevity and a love to last.
For those in the 30-40s age range, an example of life goals could be to get married and have a family. Not everyone wants to have children or more children, so this is an important life goal to have alignment with.
Or if you’re a Boomer, a goal could be to retire and move to another part of the country. There’s a big difference between those who are still involved in full-time work and those who desire to live a retired lifestyle.
2. Your critical relationship values were stepped on.
When something very important to you isn’t honored by your partner, it makes it hard to continue dating that person.
For example, you need your partner to be responsible with money and to be able to share in the expenses of the household. you find out that your partner has big debts and isn’t budgeting to reduce that debt. As a result, he can no longer afford to help out or pay his fair share. That’s a deal breaker for you. It causes you great stress and ultimately breaks up your relationship.
If this example resonates with you, misaligned values are probably a big reason you’ve not yet found a love to last.
3. Your partner wasn’t forthcoming about critical things.
When your partner hides certain aspects of their life so you don’t have the whole picture of what you’re getting yourself involved with, this can cause you to run for the door.
For instance, you never realized the impact your toxic in-laws and your partner’s troubled child would have on your partner and your relationship in the long run. This information didn’t come up until more than 6 months into the relationship.
It’s important to get the full picture of what your partner is dealing with sooner than later so you can assess if this is something you can support and handle. So the sooner you know what you’re walking into, the sooner you can see if you have a love that can last.
4. Either you or your partner are not able to compromise.
I’ve had circumstances where my client met someone who lived in a different city. There seemed to be a good rapport with their partner. When the relationship got more serious, one needed to move to the other. However, neither was willing to move and they reached a stalemate.
Someone has to compromise and take a chance. And when no one is willing to change their life for the relationship, then the relationship will fall apart.
An unwillingness to compromise is often a reason why people don’t find a love to last.
5. One of you didn’t feel like a priority in the other’s life.
Relationships take work and focus. People want to feel they’re an important part of your life. To maintain a love that lasts, it takes continual nurturing.
There are times though that you’re pulled in many directions and you may not be able to give your partner the attention they need. When work, kids, parents, and friends get a higher priority than your partner, this may cause your partner to wonder why they’re a part of your life and even look elsewhere for attention.
It’s important to know your partner’s needs and how much TLC they require.
6. Necessary boundaries aren’t kept with family members.
The influence of family members on your relationship with your partner can adversely impact your relationship. If you don’t feel as though your partner stands up for you with her parents, siblings, or kids, then you don’t feel on an equal footing in the relationship.
Many times not setting the appropriate boundaries with the family members has caused a rift in a supposedly primary relationship. I’ve seen this many times with my clients. How your partner handles his/her family greatly influences whether you can share a love that lasts.
7. You no longer feel your partner has your best interests at heart.
When you’re a couple, decisions are made together. Especially the big ones. And when one person makes a unilateral decision without consulting the other person which impacts that other person, then it’s likely the other person will start to doubt the relationship.
These decisions could be making a big purchase, taking a job offer, or planning a vacation without consulting their partner.
When you feel that your partner no longer has your best interests at heart, then that would be a reason to end the relationship.
Given these reasons why relationships fail, why haven’t you found a love that lasts?
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that it’s impossible to find a lasting, loving life partner. Instead, recognize that now you’re aware of what can cause a relationship to unravel. So you’ll be more likely to avoid these pitfalls when you uncover them. If you can spend less time in a relationship that’s going nowhere, and you keep on searching, you’ll eventually find a love to last!
If you want to “Get Love Right” sooner than later, then let’s talk. Go to https://motivatedtomarry.com/connect-with-coach-amy/. There you can learn more about how the Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets coaching methodology will save you time and from heartache.