Couple having a great first date over coffee is the result of great dating strategies.

5 Ways to Be a Strategic Dater Using Effective Dating Strategies

28 December 2023

Today’s dating advice for women and men is designed to help you discover if you’re a Strategic Dater, adept at applying smart dating strategies. When you go out to a singles event, do you:

  1. Stick with your friends?
  2. Hang off by yourself and look like you are available?
  3. Never would be caught at a singles event!

If you answered #2, you’re showing yourself to be a Strategic Dater, effectively employing dating strategies.

Some people are born with the instinct to prepare and plan for opportunity to strike, while others encounter relationship issues and are just clueless about what’s going on around them. They wouldn’t recognize an opportunity if it accidentally stepped on their foot!

So here are some dating tips for men and women on how to be a Strategic Dater using effective dating strategies:

  1. Define Your Ideal Partner

    Be clear about what kind of person you want to meet by asking yourself key relationship questions. Incorporate dating strategies by considering your values, interests, and goals. For instance, if you have a love a nature, think about where to meet people who share this interest. This targeted approach is a fundamental aspect of dating strategies.
  2. Strategically Choose Your Location

    Put yourself where you would have the best chance of success. Use dating strategies by picking age-appropriate events, going to places where your gender is in the minority, and frequenting spots where you can see people repeatedly. This strategic positioning is key to successful dating.

    Here are a few examples to help you deeply understand the importance of location.

    I’ve seen 50-year-old guys go to 20-something events and wonder why they aren’t successful. Most of these 20-something women aren’t interested in someone their father’s age – unless he’s a successful, rich celebrity!

    If you’re a woman, go to sports-oriented events. When I was dating, I biked, skied, and played tennis, volleyball, and softball. I even bowled to meet men! If you’re a man, go to an exercise class that is mostly female – even if you look like a spaz, women will give you credit for trying and being willing to make a fool of yourself!

    Don’t go to events and places where you see someone once and most likely never again. You get to know a person better over time. As a relationship coach, I had one client who went to a dinner at a church once and saw a woman he was interested in. He never got a chance to talk to her the first time. Next month, he went back to the dinner, making sure he sat next to her. The third time, the following month, he got up the nerve to ask her out. Now they are married!
  3. Manage Your Time Wisely

    Be conscious of your time and use it wisely. This is a crucial part of all dating strategies.

    Don’t date people who don’t share your values and life goals.

    Don’t date people you’re not really attracted to, but you think are good for you. It never works out in the end and causes negative relationship issues. Several years ago, I had a client who was dating someone who he already knew didn’t share his goal of getting remarried. He enjoyed her company and felt that it was better than being alone. The problem was that he was paying a high opportunity cost because he could have been spending his time finding someone who wanted the same things in life that he did instead of marking time.

    When using online dating websites, employ dating strategies by screening for values and life goals during phone conversations before meeting up.

    One client was anxious to meet them and “get it over with.” She missed the screening process that the phone affords. So she had several bad dates with guys who couldn’t hold a conversation. Now she has better success with face-to-face dates since she does her due diligence on the phone.

    When you’re meeting someone for the first time, especially someone you met on the internet, keep your date to an hour or two maximum. I’ve seen examples of these first dates going several hours and then, the guy never calls or the gal never responds to a call for another date. Don’t overstay your welcome. Give the person a taste of who you are but not the whole enchilada!
  4. Attend Singles Events

    If you want to meet singles, go to singles events and trips. Being amongst those who are also looking to meet someone is a smart dating strategy. There are numerous singles groups for various interests, aligning with effective dating strategies.

    Birds of a feather flock together! I know one attractive lady who sticks around her married friends. She is shy and doesn’t like to be with people she doesn’t know. Unfortunately, she doesn’t meet men to date since she doesn’t make the effort to get out into the singles world. 

    As a relationship coach, I’ve observed several people who just went out to a singles event for the first time and met their spouses because they pushed themselves to go out and were looking to meet someone!

    There are singles groups for every interest possible! If you play tennis, there’s a tennis singles group in most metropolitan areas. Golf singles, biking singles, single volunteers, single parents, etc. All you have to do is search for singles groups in your area.

    And when you think of vacation time, seek a singles group or trip. Again, there are trips to Europe, Asia, Africa, and the good ol’ USA. You can travel by bus, bike, or cruise boat, or you can go to a Caribbean Island to an all-inclusive resort that has singles weeks. There are single ski trips, biking trips, and tennis camp weeks. Forget traveling with your parents this year even if they offer to pay. Your goal is to meet someone and you can’t do it by hanging out with them!
  5. Be open and ready to meet someone anywhere and anytime.

    Adopting this mindset is a key element of dating strategies.

    You can meet someone on a plane, on a train, or the line at the grocery store. A client recently took a trip to Florida. Her seatmate was a very nice, eligible man. They talked for the entire flight. He asked for her phone number and they’re now dating.

    Part of being prepared to meet someone is looking your best as is appropriate for what you’re doing. When you go out, try and always look your best. Ladies, I’m not suggesting that you be dressed to kill with professional-looking makeup. I was on a singles biking trip when I met my husband. I always strived to look cute and put together – and natural looking. You can look fabulous in a T-shirt and shorts, as well as a tank top and skirt.

    If you’re a seriously searching single, you’ll want to project an approachable attitude. Make sure your body language is open, with a smile on your face, and your arms aren’t folded across your chest.

    Ladies, if you’re at a singles event, don’t stand with a bunch of other women. That can be intimidating to men. Either hang out with only one other woman or off by yourself. And, if you’re at a dance, stand near the dance floor, and look like you would really like to dance!

Being a Strategic Dater is about knowing what you want, and being intentional about how you go about finding the right romantic relationship for you, which is the goal of dating strategies. You may want to consult a relationship coach if you need some help strategizing your dating approach. Remember, think before you leap, and stay open to the excitement of the opportunities you’re creating for yourself. Go and make some plans!

If you want support around improving your chances of finding your one and only, then go to Let’s see what it takes to help you find love sooner than later.