Are you at the point in your life where you are ready to not just a date, but find real and lasting love? Do you want off the merry-go-round of dating people who turn out not to be serious about finding lasting love? Dating to marry is a very different experience from casually dating. It’s intentional, purpose-driven, and focused on building a life with the right person, not just having fun or passing the time.
If you envision yourself in a coupled relationship, building a future together, possibly even a family, it’s time to start doing things differently. Yet without the right strategies, it’s easy to get stuck, attempting to build connections that ultimately go nowhere.
If you’re tired of spending years with someone who isn’t interested in marriage, or you’re ready to find a partner who shares your vision for the future, understanding the difference in marriage-minded dating is essential.
Let me share with you 5 reasons why dating to marry is not only different, but also a must if you’re serious about finding a marriage partner.
1. Not Everyone You Meet is Searching for True Love
One of the biggest heartbreaks I see is when someone meets a person with great potential, only to discover they aren’t ready for a serious, marriage‑minded relationship. Their priorities are focused on their work, their kids, or their independence.
I remember when Karen came to me for coaching. At 40, she was ready to settle down and start a family. She had been in a relationship with a man for 2 years and hoped they would get married soon. He was a good guy, was supportive during some difficult times with her family, and she thought they were on the same page.
However, through our coaching, she developed the courage to have the important conversation about relationship goals. Unfortunately, he was in no way interested in getting married and having a family.
Of course, she was disappointed; however, Karen was determined to move on and find someone more suited to her goals and dreams for marriage and a family life.
2. Dating to Marry Requires a Clear Sense of Purpose
Within a month, Karen was ready to move on. It seems like when one door closes, another opens. When she met Rob, she was upfront about wanting a relationship that would lead to marriage and a family. Rob, a single dad, was on the same track. Within a year, they got engaged and married!
Having a sense of purpose allows you to more quickly identify those who are not dating for marriage and those who are.
3. Dating to Marry Requires a Timeframe for Engagement and Marriage
The right timing for a relationship to progress depends on your age, life stage, and goals. Dania was in her early 30s when she attended an event I recommended. There she met Seth, a divorced man in his early 40s with no children. They hit it off right away, and within a month, they were exclusive. They got engaged within a year and were married six months later..
Then there was my client Daniel. He was in his early 40s and was very motivated to marry and have a family. He had a clear timeframe in mind, and when his girlfriend of 6 months started behaving inconsistently, knowing his expectations, he ended the relationship. With my help, he got back online, which better suited his introverted nature.
Soon after, Daniel met his now wife. From the start, they discussed marriage goals and timing. She was on the same page. They were engaged within 3 months, married six months later, and last I heard, they are still happily together.
4. Dating to Marry Requires You to Express Your Intentions Early, Before Becoming Exclusive or Intimate
Expressing your intentions for a serious committed relationship is important, no matter how young or experienced you may be. While the timeframe of moving from dating to marriage may differ, the intention is the same.
Joseph, a widower who had just turned 70, saw himself getting married again. Most of his friends were married, and he truly wanted that close, committed relationship during his golden years. He wanted to enjoy family life and have someone to travel with.
In the past, Joseph would quickly fall for a woman only to find out later that she wasn’t truly marriage-minded. So we worked on his pacing, helping him to understand how to express his intentions before he gave his heart away.
When he met Lynn, they quickly discovered that they were on the same page about what they wanted in a relationship. They were very taken with one another. In this age group, marriage isn’t always the immediate goal. Sometimes, a committed relationship is what works best. But Joseph and Lynn moved in together during the first year of their relationship and were married after only 2 years of knowing each other.
5. Dating to Marry Takes Resolve
Although it’s tempting to fall for someone with whom you have great attraction and chemistry, you are headed for disappointment and heartbreak if your life goals are not the same. I’ve seen this time and time again.
Through coaching, my clients get clear about their core relationship values and goals. They learn and practice asking for what they want early in the dating process. As a result, they spend less time sorting through undesirable candidates so they can focus on the ones who have true potential.
This focused commitment to your goals and values saves precious time and lessens the likelihood of heartbreak.
When you have done the deep work:
- knowing what you want in life,
- understanding your key relationship values and goals,
- visualizing who would make an ideal partner for you based on your must-haves and deal breakers
…you’re better positioned to meet other marriage-minded people who have also gone through in-depth self-evaluation. You’ll be able to more quickly recognize when you have found your match. I’ve noticed that these couples connect very quickly and decide to become exclusive within days or weeks. They tend to fully commit or even get engaged within 6-12 months rather than years.
This was how it worked for me, too. I worked with a coach when I turned 40. I knew I had to do something different to improve my chances of meeting my marriage partner. My coach helped me shift some of my limiting beliefs and made sure that I kept true to my goals and life vision. That support was crucial in helping me meet my husband.
If a relationship drags on without moving toward engagement, it’s often a sign that one person isn’t marriage‑minded or that there’s a roadblock, such as health issues, family needs, or a demanding work schedule, that’s preventing progress.
Dating to marry is about far more than just finding someone you like to hang out with.
It’s about knowing who you are, what you want, and being intentional every step of the way. When you have a clear vision and the courage to express it, you save yourself time, heartache, and frustration. You also open the door to the kind of relationship that can truly last.
Are you ready to give a relationship the attention it deserves if the right person came along tomorrow?
If the answer is yes, then it’s time to commit to approaching dating with purpose. If the answer is no, now is the time to clarify your relationship values and goals to prepare yourself for your perfect person.
Don’t settle for casual connections, relationships that stall, or being someone’s afterthought. You can be their main event! Do the deep work, date with intention (whether that’s marriage and kids, or a lasting partnership) so you can build the life you’ve been dreaming of, with the person you’ve been dreaming of!
If you still aren’t sure what step to take next, reach out and let’s talk. During my exploratory strategy session, we’ll discuss what support you need and which of my programs would be the best fit to get you back on the path to true and lasting love!