Man looking at his phone as he engages in online dating texting before meeting with a new relationship.

10 Rules for Online Dating Texting Before Meeting

02 May 2024

Are you dating online?

If so, the online dating texting before meeting routine can drive you crazy. I’ve seen what goes on with my clients who are seriously searching for true love and how frustrating it can be.

Here are my 10 rules for online dating texting, before meeting someone, that I recommend for greater dating success:

  1. When initiating contact, say something meaningful!

    When reaching out, your communication should show that you read the profile. Mention a goal, a value, or an interest you have in common or that impresses you. Don’t just say “hey!”. You will best get someone’s attention when you demonstrate that you took the time to write a thoughtful message.
  2. Be responsive and timely to messages.

    People appreciate timely responses. Don’t wait 2 weeks before messaging back (unless you were traveling in a remote area without WI-FI!) When texting before meeting, being responsive shows that you’re someone who is serious about the process. And responding in a reasonable timeframe shows consideration and interest. 
  3. Be mindful of someone’s texting tolerance.

    What does that mean? Some people are messaging every minute of the day and expect the other person to be equally responsive- within seconds even! The truth is that most people have family and work and responsibilities. So they may not be available to text all day long. These unrealistic expectations can be annoying to many people. So if you don’t want to turn off a potential partner when online dating texting, make sure that you moderate your texting and check in with the other person about what is a good time to do so and how often is okay.
  4. Follow through on your commitments.

    When you say you’re going to follow up at a later time, are you then dependable to do so? People judge you early on with online dating texting by your follow-through. They learn if they can trust you. And if something critical comes up such as a work or family emergency, then communicate that your plans have changed and that you’ll try to follow up in a particular timeframe.
  5. Be clear and concise with your text messages.

    Misunderstandings are common with online dating texting. If you are vague about when to follow up or other details, then you may get your proverbial wires crossed. And sharing half-truths will only backfire on you in the long run. So if you’re not sure about what was said, someone’s expectations or intentions, then don’t be shy to ask for clarification.
  6. Don’t put up with “Bread-crumbing”.

    Bread-crumbing is when someone gives just enough of a response to keep someone interested but not fully communicating when online dating texting, or seemingly truly interested in taking the relationship to the next step (the next step being a phone call or video chat). However, they’re not ready to let you go either. Perhaps they’re pursuing other options and putting you on reserve, or perhaps they’re not serious about moving toward a committed relationship. Either way, if someone is bread-crumbing you, I suggest you call their bluff. Let them know that they don’t seem serious about learning more about you, and that you’d prefer to move on.

If someone is bread-crumbing you, I suggest you call their bluff.

  1. Keep it clean. Be a gentleman/lady.

    Different people are online dating for different reasons. Some are genuinely searching for love, others might be just looking to date, and some others might be there to pursue a sexual encounter. You’ll recognize those just looking for sex because they’ll start sharing sexual innuendos in their messaging very quickly and not behaving in a respectful manner. If someone is “sexting” you and you’re offended by it, then I suggest you block and report this person.

    There are dating sites that actually encourage this kind of behavior. We are all adults here, so it’s okay if that is what you’re seeking. However, a seriously searching person is most likely looking for a committed relationship as their ultimate goal. I recommend you choose your online dating site carefully so you’re able to meet the right kind of people who have the same purpose for dating as you do.
  2. Set timeframes to move onto a phone call or video chat.

    Going back and forth for weeks or months with online dating texting, before meeting, usually signals there is something amiss. Most of my clients communicate back and forth a dozen times (or less) and then move on to a phone call or video chat. Some even go straight to meeting in real life, although there are solid reasons for not jumping to that step right away. However, if the person is resistant to moving on to the next step, then you may want to find out why they’re hesitating. Then you can assess if the reason is valid. Remember, you don’t want to end up as pen pals. Or worse, with a scammer- who will keep you in the texting phase to develop a fake relationship so they can eventually take advantage of you by asking for money.
  3. Be direct and honest about your intentions.

    Do share your goal for dating early on, so you can be sure you both have the same reasons for communicating. And if you are no longer interested in communicating with someone, tell them sooner rather than later. Most people appreciate knowing so they can move on. You might be worried about hurting someone’s feelings, so you think it’s kinder to just keep communicating. But this isn’t fair to the other person. Be honest about why you’re online dating texting, before meeting – and get the confirmation that you’re both on the same page.
  4. The right person will appreciate your efforts and show up!

    All in all, the right person will appreciate your efforts to communicate on a regular basis and will reciprocate in kind. And you’ll find an easy flow with them, both in the amount of texting, and the timeframe it takes to meet in person for an actual date!

So why does it seem so hard?

When you set better boundaries for yourself, you’ll see better results!

If you need my help with online dating texting so you can finally meet in person, I’m here to help.

Over 80% of my successfully coupled clients have met online AFTER having my coaching support for their online dating efforts and applying my process. Reach out at and let’s get you on track for meeting your true love.