It seems that in your early dating relationships, unlike our justice system, you consider someone guilty until proven innocent. I have seen many examples of this with my clients in situations where my client would jump to a negative conclusion in their dating relationships and almost missed out on a wonderful relationship.
One of my male 40 year old clients was dating online and saw a profile he liked. He looked at the picture and almost dismissed her because of the photo. When he asked me to look at the photo and what I thought, I looked at the picture and said that I thought that she would look better in person given it was a poorly taken photo. I encouraged him to meet her. As it turned out, she did look much better in person and they clicked immediately. They did end up marrying.
Another 38 year old female client met someone online who she thought was cute where they had some chemistry. In their early conversations she found out the man she was communicating with had moved out of his girlfriend’s house a month ago and he was technically “homeless”. She was disappointed to hear this and almost ditched this budding relationship because of his current homeless status. I encouraged her to get more information before saying,“ bye bye” to this man.
As it turned out, he was a gainfully employed attorney and he was staying with his family while he seek out a new living arrangement for himself. And there was good cause for the break up that satisfied her reservations about getting involved in a dating relationship with someone just out of a long term relationship.
What conclusions are you jumping to in your dating relationships before you get more information? What possible relationships are you passing by much too quickly before finding out the facts of the situation? This curious coach wants to know!
Intentionally yours,
Coach Amy
PS. Learn how to date online with greater ease and have more success connecting with the right person with my 6 week self guided coaching program, Successful Internet Dating Program. Rise up the learning curve quickly and avoid making tons of mistakes!
I think i totally put my foot in my mouth and accused a guy of considering me a groupie even though all we did was kiss. truth is even though we come from two different worlds we share a lot of similar values. we both are sober and vegan.. anyway.. advice! I think i totally f’d things up by jumping the gun and basically saying i didn’t feel right about him kissing me because months prior he wanted to be friends. I was afraid of being taken advantage of i guess. and maybe didn’t value myself to ever think he would like me.
HELP
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“One of my male 40 year old clients was dating online and saw a profile he liked. He looked at the picture and almost dismissed her because of the photo.”
Men do this all the time.
Some of them have decided a good “solution” — since they’re apparently the gender that likes to “fix” things — is to ask you for more and more and more pictures till they’ve pretty much requested the photodocumented history of your entire life.
How did that come to be the preferred “solution”? Because well I know anecdote =/= data, but both I and numerous of my dating gfs have seen this behavior frequently enough that it’s turned into a well-traded piece of anecdata among us.
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