So what if you were not working currently because you are “in between” jobs, in a transition, would you be brave enough to date? Also, what if you were working a job that was beneath your skills to just pay your bills, would you be inclined to date? Would your pride take yourself out the dating playing field even though you really want to find a serious relationship?
I believe that gender may matter here. For women, it seems to be easier to date under these circumstances especially if you subscribe to more traditional roles. However, for men it can be very difficult since cultural roles expect the man to pay for dates, especially in the beginning of a relationship.
One of my female clients told me that she went out with a man who was unemployed. He paid for the date and then told her of his situation. I give him a lot of credit for being honest and upfront. That takes courage.
Here’s my dating advice for men (and women):
1. Be honest and upfront about your circumstances.
2. Don’t apologize for your situations
3. Stay positive
When the what do you do question comes your way, you could say, “I’m in transition. I am taking proactive steps. I have several opportunities that I am pursuing.” Or you can say, “I am working at Borders part-time while I pursue more meaningful opportunities.”
One of my male friends in his mid 30’s was still living at home and working 2 jobs, one which is his part-time DJ business that takes place mostly on the weekends. When he met his wife, she was understanding about his situation and not judgmental. With her support and income they were able to move into their own place and my friend had the opportunity to pursue his entrepreneurial career.
Also, if you have any major debts, be upfront about that before you start dating exclusively. One of my clients was dating a guy and became engaged. A couple months later she found out he was in debt to the tune of 5 figures! He never said anything about it and was spending as if he did not have this debt. She did break up with him over this issue- because she felt she could not trust him in the money-spending area. The key here is to be honest and upfront. Show your partner to be that you have a plan to eliminate the debt and that it is under control.
I hope you have learned some new strategies and ideas on how to date when your disposable income has been squeezed. What do you plan on doing to date on a budget? What issues have come up for you while dating in this tough economy?
This inquiring relationship coach wants to know! I’d love to hear your comments.
Your relationship coach,
Amy
P.S. Get your relationship questions answered and helpful dating advice! Join my late February 2009 tele-coaching group to help move you forward towards your goal of meeting a partner for a committed love relationship with the support of other singles, as well. We will work on your online dating strategy. For more information visit www.GetLoveRight.com. Last chance to save 30 % by signing up by 1/31/09!
Hi Amy and all –
I know for me that my ego is tied up in my ability to “provide” both for me and also for my (prospective) spouse/kids. I’ve been in the unemployed/under-employed category before and it was NOT fun, nor was I focused on dating! For me, during those bleak times, it was about financial survival and not about “finding the love of my life”, although once my business and income was stablilized I again went on the “dating circuit”.
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I have fallen in love with a man who is struggling in this economy after losing his job in his mid-thirties. He is currently underemployed, falling behind on his bills and rent, and planning to move back in with his parents. He is depressed and disappointed in himself. I want to support him however I can but he doesn’t want to take advantage of me or become a burden onto me. Should we continue our relationship? How should I best support him without making him feel bad or guilty about it?
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Yes, this economy really tests a relationship. Think of the golden rule. How would you like to be treated if you were in the same boat. How do you keep such a relationship going in this circumstances? First, he is moving in with his parents and not you so he is not asking for handouts. Emotionally, how can you support him? You can be his cheerleader. He needs to see he is not alone. This is epidemic. Also, what kind of help or support is he getting for his job search? Does he work with a counselor or career coach? There are job search support groups, as well. You say he’s depressed. Is he willing to get some therapy? All you can do is tell him you love him and want to be there for him. Ask him what he needs. He has to do the work though.
By the way, my husband was unemployed last year and it was very difficult for us as a couple. I admired the way he worked at finding a job and sought out every avenue. He worked with a career coach and a life coach. He utilized the outplacement services he was given. 9 months later he had a new job.
If you can get through this, he will appreciate having a supportive partner and it will help you move towards a more committed relationship. Good luck!
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