You say you want to meet a quality person for dating with the intent to settle into a long term committed relationship. However, it’s been months or even years since you have really dating anyone seriously.
There are many reasons why someone who wishes to meet someone is not dating. We all have obstacles that get in the way. I have a couple of reasons why you may not be dating. At the end of this post, I will share my secret about how to get past what’s holding you back from accomplishing your goal of finding a long term, committed relationship.
Here are some of the most common reasons that I see singles who say they want to find true love haven’t done so yet.
1. FEAR: This is a big one that takes hold and many don’t even realize how much this emotion holds them back. Your fears can come from the fear of making a mistake in choosing someone and being stuck to fear of wasting your time in the wrong relationship only to find out it is not going to work out. This is thinking the worst instead of what can be. Fear has paralyzed someone from taking any proactive steps forward.
2. NOT MAKING TIME: The client says she wants a relationship, however, she leaves little time for dating. Everything else takes priority: work, friends, errands, working out, social activities and family obligations. Dating is at the bottom of the ‘to do” list. Most people who desire a relationship don’t want to be pigeon-holed into Sunday afternoon at 3 pm for an hour date. They would want to see that you have time for a relationship.
3. YOU ARE NOT IN THE BEST PLACE IN YOUR LIFE: Only if you could get your dream job or that promotion, then you would feel like you can put your energy into meeting Ms. Right. Or if you lose 20 lbs then you would feel better about yourself and look to be dating. Or perhaps you have kids and you are waiting to date when your kids are out of the house and launched. You are looking for the perfect time and situation. The right person will love you in good times and bad. He or she will appreciate that you are being proactive about improving your life. We are all works in progress! The right partner will embrace your total package- family and all!
4. LOW SELF ESTEEM: You don’t think anyone would want to be with you so why bother? You don’t think you can measure up to the competition so you don’t even try. And your thoughts are “Who would want me?”. The key here is to focus on who you are and what you do have to offer to a relationship. Everyone deserves to be loved and so do you.
5. THE PAST WILL REPEAT ITSELF: You have had some bad relationships in the past or you have been hurt by a previous love. So you assume that you are destined to get hurt again with this dating relationship and that you shouldn’t trust anyone again.
These are some of the top reasons why you are not dating. Which one do you resonate with the most? Below are the solutions for you to get past these tenacious obstacles:
1. Ask yourself, “ Do I want to be in the same place next year this time?” You may need to make significant changes in your life to be in a better place so that a loving partner can connect with you.
2. Take a good look and recognize what is holding you back from getting out and meeting quality people for dating. Acknowledging your real roadblocks is the first step to making significant, necessary changes in your life.
3. Now take a look at that obstacle and ask yourself,”What can I do to change my situation and make it possible to move forward with my dating and relationship goals?”
4. Seek the help of a professional that can help you work through your obstacle such as guiding you as you set up a plan, brainstorm creative ways to meet people, challenge you to go outside your comfort zone and provide you with the accountability and then support if such dating doesn’t work out as planned.
Remember, dating is a process, if you are open to it, where as you get out to meet more people and start dating, you will gain a better sense of what you need and who would be a good partner for you. By following the above steps, you will move past your stuck places and find yourself dating quality people for a long term relationship. And isn’t that what you truly want?
Intentionally yours,
Coach Amy
PS. To learn other helpful strategies on how to get past your limiting self beliefs while dating seriously for a long term relationship, listen to my interview on the “The Art of Living Beyond Limitations” Summit at https://motivatedtomarry.com/stage/livingbeyond.
