{"id":4811,"date":"2022-01-17T17:16:03","date_gmt":"2022-01-17T22:16:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/motivatedtomarry.com\/stage\/?p=4811"},"modified":"2022-01-17T17:16:03","modified_gmt":"2022-01-17T22:16:03","slug":"how-do-you-find-love-use-the-3-cs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/motivatedtomarry.com\/stage\/how-do-you-find-love-use-the-3-cs\/","title":{"rendered":"How Do You Find Love? Use The 3 C’s"},"content":{"rendered":"

How do you \u201cfind\u201d love? Isn\u2019t it supposed to \u201cjust happen\u201d when serendipity and the stars are all aligned on your behalf? Won\u2019t you \u201cjust know\u201d when, say, you look up from the avocados and see \u201cthe one\u201d also shopping for guacamole ingredients?<\/p>\n

Something as important as finding true love \u2013 deep, lasting, build-your-life-together love \u2013 warrants more intention than being on alert in the grocery store.<\/p>\n

\"Man<\/a><\/p>\n

Everyone knows the 3 L\u2019s of real estate: location, location, location.<\/em><\/p>\n

In marketing it\u2019s the 3 P\u2019s: positioning, price, promotion.<\/em><\/p>\n

In finding-love lingo we talk about the 3 C\u2019s: connect, choose, create.<\/em><\/p>\n

How do you find love and develop a lasting romantic relationship with these three concepts?<\/h2>\n

Let\u2019s look at each separately:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n

    Connect.<\/h3>\n

    At the very heart of looking for love is the desire to connect with another person. You want to gravitate toward someone whose company you enjoy and whom you would like to know better.<\/p>\n

    Connection happens on multiple levels: emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual\u2026and, the one that is easiest to recognize up front, chemical.<\/p>\n

    Every person weighs the importance of these different forms of connection uniquely.<\/p>\n

    It\u2019s easy, for example, to fall for the stereotypes of women wanting to connect emotionally and men wanting to connect physically.<\/p>\n

    But connection in love is an overlapping blend of the different kinds of connection.<\/h4>\n

    And the magic of this part of finding love is that connecting in one way can inspire or deepen your connection in another.<\/p>\n

    Using the above example, a woman who feels fulfilled emotionally will often feel more physically open. Likewise, a man who feels connection on a physical level will often become more emotionally open.<\/p>\n

    You can also \u201cconnect\u201d on goals, values, and interests, or even on similar life experiences such as divorce or having children.<\/p>\n

    And, of course, growing up in the same place, going to the same college, or being fans of the same sports team can forge an immediate connection and topic of conversation.<\/p>\n

    In my own marriage, my husband Alan and I had several life experiences and values that proved to be deeply connecting for us. We were raised with the same religion, both grew up in New York, and have similar family values.<\/p>\n

    Another example involves one of my clients who decided to reconnect with a woman he knew in college. Although they didn\u2019t date while in school, they share the same group of friends, both are in their 50\u2019s, and neither has ever married.<\/p>\n

    They\u2019ve also had similar life experiences.<\/p>\n

    And now these two former colleagues, through a simple \u201creconnection,\u201d are dating and planning their future together.<\/p>\n

    Shared goals, for marriage-minded people<\/a>, can be as simple as getting married and having a family.<\/p>\n

    You and a partner may also share goals for your retirement \u2013 where you\u2019re going to live, how much you want to travel, etc.<\/p>\n

    The point of connecting with someone is that you look for and find areas of your lives that are in sync with each other. This synchronicity then becomes a cornerstone to the relationship you build.<\/li>\n

  2. \n

    Choose.<\/h3>\n

    Even when you don\u2019t think you\u2019re making choices, you always <\/em>are. How do you find love with one fish in the sea if you don\u2019t make choices along the way?<\/p>\n

    \u201cChoosing\u201d in the process of finding true love<\/a> means that you thoughtfully define and ultimately choose the person with whom you want to become romantically involved and ultimately exclusive.<\/p>\n

    As you meet and date more people, you\u2019re constantly evaluating \u2013 and reevaluating \u2013 many things.<\/p>\n

    One of the obvious things you\u2019ll silently consider is whether you even feel a spark with someone.<\/p>\n

    Not every attraction is an explosion of emoji hearts on the first meeting. That\u2019s why I recommend going on at least 3 dates with someone before crossing him\/her off your list.<\/p>\n

    This assumes, of course, that the person has the qualities <\/em>you\u2019re looking for and doesn\u2019t turn you off. Chemistry, after all, can develop over time.<\/p>\n

    And, to tie in the \u201cconnection\u201d piece, chemistry can also blossom as more points of connection are discovered and nurtured.<\/p>\n

    Here are some other points to consider as you\u2019re choosing whether or not to stay with someone.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n