{"id":4573,"date":"2021-05-05T14:37:03","date_gmt":"2021-05-05T18:37:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/motivatedtomarry.com\/stage\/?p=4573"},"modified":"2021-05-05T14:50:44","modified_gmt":"2021-05-05T18:50:44","slug":"unless-you-do-these-7-things-finding-true-love-is-difficult","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/motivatedtomarry.com\/stage\/unless-you-do-these-7-things-finding-true-love-is-difficult\/","title":{"rendered":"UNLESS You Do These 7 Things, Finding True Love Is Difficult"},"content":{"rendered":"

Falling in love is magical, euphoric, and a thousand other good things. When it happens, it seems like destiny \u2014 easy, uncomplicated, always meant to be. And yet, finding true love is difficult for so many singles.<\/p>\n

How is that possible when everyone around you, it seems, is married, engaged, or seriously dating someone?<\/p>\n

\"Man<\/a><\/p>\n

Could it be that there is no one out there for you? That you have been singled out to remain…well…forever single?<\/p>\n

Could it be that you\u2019re \u201cdoing it all wrong\u201d? That you just don\u2019t get this dating thing and everyone in the dating pool is picking up your vibe?<\/p>\n

Why is finding true love so difficult for some and so easy for others?<\/h2>\n

While there is no multiple-choice answer to that, there are <\/em>sound reasons to explain at least a good portion of it.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re like me, you do a quick eye roll when you\u2019re told to \u201cgo back to your childhood\u201d to explain something.<\/p>\n

And yet, we\u2019re told to do that for a reason. (Check out this article that explains internal working models<\/em><\/a> if you\u2019re interested in learning more about the details behind the reason.)<\/p>\n

In essence, and at the risk of being cliche, children learn what they live. And they grow up to live what they\u2019ve learned.<\/p>\n

So, if you grew up in a home where love was easily expressed, you will be wired to feel comfortable giving and receiving love.<\/p>\n

If your parents had healthy communication, you unknowingly learned how to communicate and resolve conflict in a healthy way.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, if you grew up in a home where \u201ccertain things\u201d were never discussed, you may have inherent fears of \u201cthose things.\u201d<\/p>\n

What if your parents fought all the time? Or rarely talked? Or never showed affection?<\/p>\n

The point is, we all walk away from our childhoods encrypted with life rules, guidelines, and values.<\/h2>\n

That doesn\u2019t mean, however, that you have to follow in your parents\u2019 footsteps.<\/p>\n

It does mean, however, that you carry their influence into your adult life, and therefore into your relationships.<\/p>\n

And that can be an underlying reason that finding true love is difficult.<\/p>\n

And that leads me to your <\/em>responsibility when it comes to finding love.<\/p>\n

Now is the time \u2014 especially if you\u2019re marriage minded<\/a> \u2014 to take charge of your future.<\/p>\n

There are <\/em>things you can do to make your search for love easier, more enjoyable, and more successful.<\/p>\n

And if you\u2019re not <\/em>doing these things, you\u2019ll discover that finding true love is difficult.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a list of # of my favorite must-do\u2019s for finding true love.<\/h2>\n
    \n
  1. \n

    Get honest about your internal thoughts that you live by.
    \n<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n

    Who you are is determined in part by where you\u2019ve come from. But it\u2019s also determined by where you want to go and how committed you are to getting there.<\/p>\n

    Be willing to look closely at your attitudes and thoughts regarding relationships. What really serves you and your vision for love? What is really just carry-over from your parents?<\/p>\n

    Granted, this isn\u2019t easy work. And it\u2019s often more easily and effectively done with the help of a therapist or a coach. By doing this work, you\u2019ll be building a great foundation for your future significant relationship!<\/li>\n

  2. \n

    Instead of looking for the right person, focus on being your own best person<\/em><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/em><\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n

    It\u2019s easy to get lost in the fantasy of Mr.\/Ms. Right. S\/he will look like this…have this kind of personality…do these things…make me feel this way\u2026.<\/em><\/em>But your efforts need to start with you. <\/em>How\u2019s your confidence? Your self-esteem?<\/p>\n

    Your communication skill set?<\/p>\n

    Do you exude confidence without being arrogant? Do you have a strong sense-of-self that others can easily read?<\/p>\n

    Believe it or not, when you prioritize being your best self, you will attract potential matches committed to being their best selves.<\/li>\n

  3. \n

    Look for a match on values.<\/h3>\n

    When you\u2019re looking for true, lasting love, it\u2019s not going to be sexual attraction that holds you together. It\u2019s going to be your values and common vision that will make the relationship last for the long term.<\/p>\n

    The great thing about remembering this is that it can guide your search.<\/p>\n

    When you have a firm grasp on your core relationship values, you can seek out opportunities and venues that echo them.<\/li>\n

  4. \n

    Get real about your expectations.<\/h3>\n

    Sometimes finding true love is difficult because people have unrealistic and\/or too many expectations for a partner. At what point is good-enough good enough?If you turned your own bucket list around onto yourself, would you meet all your own criteria?<\/p>\n

    What if the partner you think you\u2019re seeking has a list just as long, but with different criteria? Could you ever live up to it all?<\/p>\n

    Standards and expectations aren\u2019t the same. I would never tell clients to lower their standards. But I would <\/em>tell them to be realistic about their expectations.<\/p>\n

    This is why having a strong sense of yourself and your non-negotiable values is so important.<\/li>\n

  5. \n

    Do things with people who have similar interests and values.<\/h3>\n

    While it\u2019s essential that you be comfortable being alone, I want you to seek ways not <\/em>to be alone.<\/p>\n

    What do I mean by that?<\/p>\n

    If there\u2019s an activity you can do with a group of people as easily as you can do it alone, choose the group. Volunteer, attend charity functions, go to festivals, take a class, join Toastmasters and work on public speaking.<\/p>\n

    The point is to put yourself in the company of people who reflect your own values, strengths, and curiosities.<\/p>\n

    After all, online dating is only one part of your search regimen.\u00a0 Meeting people through activities and groups, as well as through introductions, are the other ways my clients meet their partners.<\/li>\n

  6. \n

    Bring in an expert.<\/h3>\n

    Dating in a fast-paced world isn\u2019t accomplished by sitting on the sidelines and hoping for the best.<\/p>\n

    And it rarely happens as a result of bumping into someone on the street and knowing the two of you are destined for marriage.<\/p>\n

    Finding true love is a process that requires effort and a strategic plan. And that process makes much more sense when you have a dating coach mentoring your steps.<\/li>\n

  7. \n

    Be happy. Genuinely happy.<\/h3>\n

    Happiness is contagious. Love should make you happy, even in the difficult times. So it\u2019s only natural that people gravitate toward others who exude happiness.<\/p>\n

    Genuine happiness.<\/em><\/p>\n

    How do you achieve that?<\/p>\n

    By being your authentic self. Knowing <\/em>yourself…loving <\/em>yourself…valuing <\/em>yourself…and knowing what you have to offer a relationship and deserve to receive from it.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    You\u2019ll notice that I didn\u2019t say how much of your effort should be online vs. in-person vs. speed dating, etc.<\/p>\n

    That\u2019s because, no matter where you spend your dating time and energy, the efforts we\u2019ve discussed here will always <\/em>be essential.<\/p>\n

    Finding true love can be difficult or it can be easier than you\u2019ve ever expected.<\/p>\n

    The question is, Are you willing to do the right things to find it?<\/em><\/p>\n

    PS: Would you like additional insight into why you haven\u2019t found your marriage mate yet? Then you\u2019ll want to take the FREE \u201cAre You Ready to Meet Your Mate?\u201d Quiz.\u00a0Click here to learn more and to take the quiz<\/a>.<\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Falling in love is magical, euphoric, and a thousand other good things. When it happens, it seems like destiny \u2014 easy, uncomplicated, always meant to be. And yet, finding true love is difficult for so many singles. How is that possible when everyone around you, it seems, is married, engaged, or seriously dating someone?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3342,"featured_media":4578,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[103],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nUNLESS You Do These 7 Things, Finding True Love Is Difficult<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you\u2019re not doing the things I identify in this list of my favorite must-do's for finding love, you\u2019ll discover that finding true love is difficult.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/motivatedtomarry.com\/stage\/unless-you-do-these-7-things-finding-true-love-is-difficult\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"UNLESS 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