{"id":4559,"date":"2021-04-05T13:42:26","date_gmt":"2021-04-05T17:42:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/motivatedtomarry.com\/stage\/?p=4559"},"modified":"2021-04-05T14:14:52","modified_gmt":"2021-04-05T18:14:52","slug":"what-to-do-when-you-believe-you-cant-find-true-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/motivatedtomarry.com\/stage\/what-to-do-when-you-believe-you-cant-find-true-love\/","title":{"rendered":"What To Do When You Believe You Can\u2019t Find True Love"},"content":{"rendered":"

Remember the Beatles\u2019 song All You Need Is Love<\/em>? While it was written as a message of global love, it also speaks to the yearning of so many searching for romantic love. When you can\u2019t find true love, the one thing that sounds so simple can seem so difficult.<\/p>\n

Even though the median age for first marriages<\/a> has steadily crept toward 30, the longing for love hasn\u2019t hit pause.<\/p>\n

\"Woman<\/a><\/p>\n

Yes, young singles are prioritizing careers and travel in their 20\u2019s. And statistically, millennials are more willing to put a hold on relationships \u2014 or even end them \u2014 in deference to advancing their careers or income<\/a>.<\/p>\n

And yet, for those already in long-term relationships, the reverse is true \u2014 statistically, anyway. They are more willing to turn down an opportunity if taking it would cost them their relationship.<\/p>\n

I mention this to highlight only one of many reasons that singles believe they can\u2019t find true love.<\/p>\n

In the bigger picture, the focus on career \u2014 or travel or any other interest \u2014 is simply a statement of priorities and timing<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy to \u201cwant it all\u201d \u2014 to step out of college, for example, and envision life\u2019s banquet there for your indulgence.<\/p>\n

But it doesn\u2019t take long to realize that there are only so many hours in the day. And rewards and costs go hand-in-hand.<\/p>\n

So the first thing to ask yourself if you believe you drew the short straw on finding true love is \u201cWhat are my priorities?\u201d<\/em><\/h2>\n

Sometimes even marriage-minded people<\/a> have a timeline for living out their priorities.<\/p>\n

Are you preoccupied with paying off student loans or building a financial foundation for your future? Does success in your career demand a lot of travel or overtime?<\/p>\n

You may enjoy dating and hope to connect with \u201cthe one.\u201d But, if you instinctively refrain from commitment because of job demands, you may not be ready for true love.<\/p>\n

Not sure if you are really motivated to marry? Take this easy quiz<\/a> to find out.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s turn the tables and assume that finding true love<\/a> is <\/em>your priority.<\/p>\n

Why is it so difficult? Why does it seem like everyone else finds it, but I can\u2019t? <\/em>you may ask yourself.<\/p>\n

First, let\u2019s take the word can\u2019t<\/em> out of the equation and focus on how you can <\/em>find true love.<\/p>\n

When I coach with clients, the first thing we look at is who they are and what they want from life and love.<\/p>\n

You would be amazed at how much wishy-washiness there is out there! So many people don\u2019t really know themselves, let alone what their vision is for life and relationships.<\/p>\n

How can you draw someone to yourself for a lifelong commitment if they can\u2019t be sure what they\u2019re being drawn to?<\/p>\n

The most important responsibility you have in the quest for love is knowing, loving, and believing in yourself.<\/em><\/h2>\n

What are your deepest values? What are your dreams for the future?<\/em><\/p>\n

How do you \u201ctalk to\u201d and care for yourself?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Do you have healthy confidence and self-esteem? Or do you shrink behind an inner voice that keeps telling you that you can\u2019t find true love?<\/em><\/p>\n

These are questions we tackle right away because they determine your entire approach to finding a partner.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t love yourself, for example, how can you expect someone else to love you? Would you want to be stuck with the responsibility of making sure someone with no self-love feels loved?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important that you\u2019re OK with being alone. Do you enjoy doing things on your own? Do you take yourself on \u201cdates,\u201d or do you sit around and wait for someone to invite you out?<\/p>\n

Confidence is a very <\/em>attractive quality. It resonates a self-assuredness that makes you stand out as a great potential partner.<\/h2>\n

I know who I am, and yet, I still strive to learn and grow. Because I know my strengths, I\u2019m strong enough to admit and work on my weaknesses.<\/em><\/p>\n

I have a lot to offer the world and a partner. And I am excited about sharing those gifts with someone equally confident.<\/em><\/p>\n

The ability to be alone doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re going to spend your life alone. It simply means you like spending time \u201cwith\u201d yourself. \u00a0\u00a0And introverts tend to be more okay with being alone than extroverts.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also important that you be completely honest with yourself about your expectations of a partner.<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s far too easy to get lost in the fantasy of \u201cforever\u201d \u2014 to daydream about a $10K wedding dress or a $1M house.<\/p>\n

Thinking that true love or marriage can be a rescue plan for what you don\u2019t like about your life is a set-up for failure.<\/p>\n

No partner can be \u201call things,\u201d let alone \u201cperfectly all things.\u201d<\/p>\n

So ask yourself \u2014 and be honest \u2014 are you approaching the dating scene with a long checklist of rigid must-haves in a partner?<\/p>\n

Believe me, people can \u201cfeel\u201d when nothing will ever be good enough for someone.<\/p>\n

Likewise, they can also feel when someone is open, accepting, curious, patient, forgiving.<\/p>\n

As you work on your own stuff \u2014 your self-awareness, confidence, values \u2014 you will naturally let go of unrealistic expectations.<\/p>\n

After all, you already know you have what it takes right there within yourself. Having someone to share it all with just makes it more amazing.<\/p>\n

Finally, there are a lot of do\u2019s and don’ts when it comes to the search for love<\/a>. But there is one powerful tool I want to leave you with.<\/h2>\n

Delving back into old relationships may sound like the last <\/em>thing you need to be doing when searching for love.<\/p>\n

But if you\u2019re stuck in the belief that you can\u2019t find true love, you need to remember one sometimes-hard-to-face fact:<\/p>\n

You <\/em>are the common denominator in all of your relationships.<\/h3>\n

While that may make you cringe or become defensive, I encourage you to look at that reality positively.<\/p>\n

The fact that there is one <\/em>common factor in all <\/em>of your relationships (you)<\/em> means you have access to a wealth of helpful information.<\/p>\n

This is often a sensitive area of exploration with clients, as there are inevitably a lot of emotions involved.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also easier for people to blame an ex than to take personal responsibility for their own contribution to the relationship.<\/p>\n

But I can tell you one thing for certain. The person who is willing to examine his\/her role in relationships is far closer to finding true love than the one who refuses to look within.<\/h3>\n

Do you have a pattern of partners you choose? Do you always go for a certain \u201ctype\u201d \u2014 \u201cbad boy,\u201d \u201cgood girl,\u201d super good-looking, rich, sex-driven, partier, co-dependent, etc.?<\/em><\/p>\n

Did you fight a lot? Avoid the hard stuff? Get too attached too quickly? Try to manipulate in order to get what you wanted?<\/em><\/p>\n

Was there any abuse \u2014 physical, emotional, sexual, financial?<\/em><\/p>\n

Do you have a pattern of jumping into bed and becoming intimate too early in a relationship and then feeling let down or regretful?<\/em><\/p>\n

Do you have a pattern of sabotaging relationships when things start to get serious? Are you avoiding the very thing you say you most want?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

If so, why? Did you lose your faith in \u201cforever\u201d because your parents divorced or an ex cheated on you?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Are you afraid of rejection, so it\u2019s easier to just \u201cmake\u201d the relationship fall apart?<\/em><\/p>\n

Did you struggle with communication in your past relationships? Do you feel limited in your ability to resolve conflict or discuss difficult topics?<\/em><\/p>\n

These are tough and vulnerable questions. I know that.<\/p>\n

I also know that relationships \u2014 all relationships <\/em>\u2014 exist to teach us important life (and self) lessons.<\/p>\n

So, if you\u2019re stuck believing that you can\u2019t find true love, get ready to journey within.<\/p>\n

As a coach, I can guide you through that journey and all the right questions to ask.<\/p>\n

The process isn\u2019t one of changing you into something you\u2019re not. It\u2019s a process of discovering who you are and what needs to happen to acknowledge your gifts and talents.\u00a0 Then to share your fine points in an authentic way both online and in face-to-face social situations.<\/p>\n

…because only the most authentic version of you is going to attract the right person for true love.<\/p>\n

PS: Would you like additional insight into why you haven’t found your marriage mate yet? Then you’ll want to take the FREE “Are You Ready to Meet Your Mate?” Quiz. Click here to learn more and to take the quiz<\/a>.<\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Remember the Beatles\u2019 song All You Need Is Love? While it was written as a message of global love, it also speaks to the yearning of so many searching for romantic love. When you can\u2019t find true love, the one thing that sounds so simple can seem so difficult. Even though the median age for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3342,"featured_media":4561,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[103],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat To Do When You Believe You Can\u2019t Find True Love<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Believe you can\u2019t find true love? Then get ready to journey within. 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