7 Questions You Must Ask Yourself If You Want To Find True Love – Before You Even Start Dating<\/em><\/a>]<\/strong><\/p>\nAnd so it is with the journey to love. The question \u201cWhy is finding true love so difficult?\u201d is first addressed by having a definition of true love. You can\u2019t go looking for something that you wouldn\u2019t recognize if it were standing right in front of you. So ask yourself, \u201cWhat is my definition of true love?\u201d. I know I almost missed connecting with my husband. And many of my clients almost missed recognizing their true love partner, however, through the coaching, they were encouraged to look deeper.<\/p>\n
Second, ask yourself if what you are seeking is defined outside yourself, or if it already exists within you.<\/strong> In other words, do you embody the qualities you seek, or are you looking for someone else to live up to a standard that you have not met yourself? As you grow in your own integrity and understanding of sustainable, selfless love, you will attract a mate with similar qualities. That\u2019s the whole deal behind \u201clike attracts like\u201d.<\/p>\nRelationships are really an engagement of mirrors.<\/strong> We reflect each other in both positive and negative ways. If we are wise, we nurture the positive and learn from the negative. It’s important to remember that another person can reflect you but can never fulfill you.<\/p>\nFinding true love is, in large part, about finding a mate who will embrace the reflection that comes from you, and make it safe for you to do the same. A relationship won\u2019t fix your issues, it will expose them<\/strong>. If either party is unwilling to change or grow, however, the relationship will essentially be in \u201carrested development.\u201d<\/p>\nTrue love will remain evasive if you don’t first get rid of your emotional baggage. Thinking that the end of one relationship is a green light to hop into another is only a set-up for further disappointment. And doing so will only dampen your confidence and convince your heart that relationships are a greater source of pain than happiness. Besides, dragging all that unfinished business into a potentially wonderful relationship isn\u2019t healthy for either party.<\/p>\n
It’s imperative that you’re comfortable and confident being alone before expecting true love to show up.<\/strong> We have all known people who bounce from one relationship to the next, bewildered that finding true love is so difficult. Many don\u2019t even wait to give healthy closure to a relationship before looking for the next one. All in an effort not to be alone.<\/p>\nIt takes time to cultivate the qualities that you need to bring to a relationship, not just find in a relationship. If you’re afraid to be alone, you’ll have essentially no identity in a new relationship. It may sound clich\u00e9, but knowing and loving yourself is essential to authentically knowing and loving another person. (Helping my clients first ground themselves in their life vision, core relationship values and what they need to be truly happy in a relationship is the key to my coaching, even before they begin their quest for finding true love.)<\/p>\n
If you’re lingering in a victim mentality, convinced that you were the one wronged in your previous relationship, you’re likely to repeat the cycle. You’re probably seeing by now that true love starts with who you are, not who someone else was or who you want someone else to be.<\/strong><\/p>\nThat means being accountable to all of your own \u201cstuff.\u201d When you own it, you can decide what to do with it. Keep it? Toss it? Change it? Share it? Owning up to your contributions — both positive and negative — will lay the groundwork for honesty and trust going forward. Besides, being a victim is a powerless position. It\u2019s also exhausting. (The Motivated to Marry Coaching turns this around and can empower you to exude your best qualities and be your best self!)<\/p>\n
One of the biggest set-ups for failure in finding true love is thinking that there’s only one right person for you.<\/strong> Thinking this way can lead you on a lifetime search for perfection that doesn\u2019t exist. You’ll also approach every potential candidate with the built-in assumption that you are \u201csettling for less.\u201d Remember, you are seeking the sustainable qualities of true love, not a misguided notion of perfection.<\/p>\nFinally, there’s another consideration when asking, \u201cWhy is true love so difficult to find?\u201d Operant conditioning teaches that the strength of a behavior is modified by reinforcement or punishment. In the context of finding true love, it speaks to the effect of past relationship experiences on a person\u2019s confidence in seeking love.<\/strong><\/p>\nIf a person has experienced negative consequences to efforts made in dating or marriage, it’s unlikely that person will seek a relationship using the same methods. And if everything tried thus far hasn\u2019t worked, the person can lose confidence and simply give up trying.<\/p>\n
When you’re motivated to marry, the idea of dating and building a relationship is seen in a hopeful, even exciting light. You’re steeped in who you are and what you have to offer to a relationship, instead of what you’re not! This is a huge confidence booster.\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nFor some people, however, the dating process can be perceived as time-consuming and a source of anxiety. That hesitation doesn\u2019t necessarily mean the person doesn\u2019t want a healthy, committed relationship. It simply means that the active pursuit of love — even for the right reasons — isn\u2019t easy and enjoyable for her or him.<\/p>\n
Finding true love may seem daunting in this technology-driven, impersonal world; but I assure you, it\u2019s possible. I did it and I\u2019ve helped hundreds of other people find true love too both through maximizing online dating and face to face opportunities.<\/p>\n
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<\/a>We are taught, in general, to look for the superficial, fleeting qualities that foster attraction: good looks, sex, money, and our desired lifestyle. And how can a person seek and find true love when the roadmap leads to these unsustainable quests?<\/p>\n