When do you start talking about dating exclusively with the person you are dating?\u00a0 For some couples it\u2019s a natural progression.\u00a0 For others, one person in the relationship desires exclusivity and wants to make sure both are on the same page- so a discussion is necessary.\u00a0\u00a0 There is no right or wrong approach, just one that works for both parties involved.\u00a0 (Does this sound like a negotiation?\u00a0 Well, it can be some times!)<\/p>\n
So let me tell you about when it\u2019s a natural occurrence.\u00a0 My client Randy had just turned 40 and had been working with me to get a good understanding of who would be a good partner for herself.\u00a0\u00a0 She had been dating online and together we tweaked her profile to attract the kind of guy she was really looking for.\u00a0\u00a0 She met David who was also in his early 40\u2019s and recently divorced with no children.\u00a0 Through the initial emails and phone calls they really clicked.\u00a0 Both seemed to be on the same page \u2013 both were marriage-minded and desired a family.\u00a0 So when they met, they just clicked and they were together ever since.\u00a0 Both stopped seeking other partners and they just flowed into exclusivity naturally.\u00a0 They were married within 8 months.<\/p>\n
Sounds like a fairytale?\u00a0 Randy describes it as being so. This happens for a few lucky people.\u00a0 So what happens for most people?<\/p>\n
For those marriage-minded people who are out there dating getting to know someone takes time.\u00a0 As I mentioned, when I met Alan I was dating several men.\u00a0 Over a course of 2 months I got to know Alan better and we started to click.\u00a0 (We didn\u2019t meet online- we meet face to face so certain information was not readily available- we need to have several conversations to get to that place- especially expressing my goal of marriage and having a child).\u00a0\u00a0 We were becoming serious and I had developed \u201crules\u201d for myself about what it would take to be dating in an exclusive relationship.<\/p>\n
First, I would not be sexually involved with someone until we were in an exclusive relationship that had the intent for greater commitment.\u00a0 That I spelled out clearly.\u00a0 Given my age of 41, I expressed that I would not stay in an exclusive relationship with someone for more than a year\u2019s time.\u00a0 (Actually I expected to be engaged within six months or would consider moving on).\u00a0 Time was very precious to me and given my goals, I needed my partner to be on the same page.<\/p>\n
What kind of \u201crules\u201d have you set up for yourself to keep you safe from being in an exclusive relationship for years with out a real commitment towards marriage?\u00a0\u00a0 Granted, those who are under 35 have more time to give to a relationship than those in your late 30\u2019s.\u00a0 (Both my e-book \u201cMotivated to Marry\u201d and my soft cover book \u201cGet It Right This Time\u201d has an engagement to marriage timetable as a guide*).<\/p>\n
Alan and I were in an exclusive relationship by the end of August of 2011, 2 months after we connected in Cape May.\u00a0 Actually soon is our 10 year anniversary of being together exclusively!\u00a0 The next step was meeting the members of each of our families.\u00a0 A trip to New York was planned for early September 2011!<\/p>\n
The story continues\u2026..<\/p>\n
Intentionally yours,<\/p>\n
Coach Amy<\/p>\n