One of the questions I get from my clients is how soon do you have the conversation with the person they are dating about whether someone is marriage minded or not?\u00a0 Do they want children in their near future or not?\u00a0 My marriage minded dating advice is to have this pivotal conversation sooner than later.<\/p>\n
Let me give you an example.\u00a0 One of the men I dated before I met my husband was a very nice person with 2 preteen kids of his own.\u00a0\u00a0 We had been dating for three months and I was starting to fall for him.\u00a0 We enjoyed being together.\u00a0 Around the 3 month mark of the relationship, I had the conversation about my life goals and wanting to have children.\u00a0 He said to me, \u201cbabies? You want babies?\u00a0 Sorry, I\u2019m done having kids\u201d.\u00a0 What I found out his ex-wife brought two kids into his first marriage which he raised and they had 2 children (not planned) while they were married.\u00a0 Basically he was raising four children in his life and that was plenty for him.<\/p>\n
So I had to make a big decision.\u00a0 To stay with the relationship I would have to give up my dream of having a child of my own.\u00a0 Even though I saw potential there, I sadly left the relationship.\u00a0 So I was determined to stick to my dream of having my own child.\u00a0 What I found out is that I had to have the kid conversation earlier than later.<\/p>\n
So within a month of meeting Alan, we had a nice bike ride down the Crescent bike trail from Bethesda to Georgetown.\u00a0 We stopped for dinner at the Washington Harbor.\u00a0\u00a0 I told him my goal for dating was to find someone who wanted marriage and a family.\u00a0\u00a0 He fortunately told me he wanted that too.\u00a0 So at least I knew we had the same life goals.<\/p>\n
Some people say, \u201cWell I may scare the guy away\u201d.\u00a0 My answer is, \u201cIf he scares away, then he really wasn\u2019t the right guy.\u00a0 The right guy would say, \u201cThat\u2019s what I am looking for too!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 However, there is one caveat to beware of here.\u00a0 Sometimes the person may not be honest with you about their intentions (or honest with themselves) and will tell you what you want to hear to keep you in the relationship.<\/p>\n
Are you willing to express what you are looking for in a relationship fairly quickly?\u00a0 Are there ways to find out if someone is interested in marriage minded dating as you are sooner than later?\u00a0 This curious coach would like to know.<\/p>\n
The story continues\u2026..<\/p>\n
Intentionally yours,<\/p>\n
Coach Amy<\/p>\n