Recently a client that wanted relationship advice was telling me about a new guy who was working in her department at work. He came over to introduce himself to her. She thought he was cute, started to wonder if he was single and available.
Meeting someone at school or at work is one of the top ways that people meet their romantic partner. However, my relationship advice to her was that one needs to tread carefully before pursuing a romantic relationship at work. It could get very uncomfortable for you at work if you make the wrong move. It can even affect your job security.
It’s important to find out if there is a company policy about workplace romances. There is a whole range from it being okay to have a workplace romance to having one could be grounds to have you fired. What is the culture of your workplace? Have other couples met at work and now co-exist well with their partner and fellow co-workers? My relationship advice is to do a little research here!
First I inquired if my client really knows if he is single. Perhaps she could get to know him on a friendly basis by inviting him to join her group for lunch or for an after work happy hour? (Note: I did not suggest a one on one invitation.) Does she have an ally at work who may know this man and be able to fill her in on his status?
My client did walk past his desk and saw a picture of two kids. No picture of his wife? My relationship advice was to notice if there was a ring on his finger. However, just because he doesn’t wear a ring does not mean he’s not in a relationship!
What would be your relationship advice to her? What is possible for you? Is meeting someone at or through work a possibility? What would you have to be careful about in terms of your work environment and your career?
This inquiring coach would like to know your thoughts!
Intentionally yours,
Coach Amy
No there is no picture of a wife. My friend at work is out till Tuesday , she said she didn’t have a chance to walk around that way and find out about him. He doesn’t work directly in my department which is good.
But there was another girl that also thought he was cute as she told me. Yes there are several married couples who work in my building, I don’t know if they met at work or knew each other before like from school, etc.
My opinion-like you say it’s too much of a chance,
I’d rather meet through other methods preferably someone Jewish. This work guy is not Jewish, that I do know, not that it would matter.
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In my opinion a person needs to be more careful at work but I don’t think that in general many younger people worry at all about the consequences of meeting someone at work. In fact I think that I have missed out on opportunities that occur at work throughout the years due to being so hesitant. In the past when I have discussed certain work situations where I know that the man has been interested and I have sought advice from close family members, i.e., whether to “go for it” or “forget it” advice seems to be to not pursue it – it could get awkward or uncomfortable if things dont work out – so what to do – miss out? I find that married women “go for” or flirt/horse around with any man at work – no matter what the consequences. Many years ago I had a boss who set me up with her son and that caused such jealousy/rivalry among my coworkers that I ended up having to quit my job – it was only part-time while I attended college. I can’t say that I have
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I didn’t get to finish my post – getting used to using a little Acer PC – sorry. I have had “daliances” with men related to a job – not directly working with – but feared getting found out any way. In other words my experiences have not been all that great. But there is a big difference in people. I have 3 college degrees – 2 of which are advanced degrees – no children – and no crazy life circumstances like most people that I know of – but still can’t seem to make any great connections – I know that I am attractive because I get complimented by both men and women all the time. When I was younger things occurred much quicker than now – seems like you have to make one heck of an effort now and really go out of your way. I am totally confused by it all.
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Thanks Bev for your insights. I agree you need to be careful and really get to know people and their intentions. They have worked at times- sometimes on person of the couple may need to move to another department or division or change companies all together. Good luck with your search for love and contact me at http://www.heartmindconnection.com if you want to discuss personal coaching.
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Thanks for your advice Bev. That’s true about married women, they do flirt alot at my job also. I guess they feel they are married and can get away with alot. I also know of 2 married people who have left their spouses for each other. I guess a married person can get away with more stuff than a single person can. Not that it’s right what they are doing.
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Let’s not generalize now! I know single women who are very flirty too! Married people have lots to lose- especially if they have families. Let’s just say, it’s best to keep relationships professional at best. Sometimes relationships do develop and even work out for the best – because you really get to know the person and you see them regularly. Of course, I don’t condone extra marital affairs.
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Yes, amy, I also know some single people that are flirty but they seem to get the short end of the stick, they are always accussed of being homewreckers where as a married person who flirts, they say oh well she’s married. The case at work where both parties wee married is unusual.
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Amy, I do believe the case at work where both parties were married, they both had children.
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