After we got home from our trip, Alan was prompt about calling me up and asking me for a date. He must have said (I don’t have the exact transcript!) that he enjoyed spending time with me and wanted to see me again. As my memory serves me, he asked me out for the following Saturday night. This was a good sign that he may be marriage minded!
So our first date was at an outdoor concert in a Northern Virginia town center in our area with a folk singer. Alan had put together a picnic for us. It was an enjoyable evening. I also asked him my dating questions: “How do you like the single’s world?” He answered, “I hate it”. Then, I knew he was someone who was marriage minded and could be ready to settle down.
[Guys take note- you don’t have to spend a fortune taking women on dates- especially in the beginning when you are not sure about the woman and her interest in you!] At the end of the evening Alan asked me, “Do you have plans for tomorrow afternoon? There is a Shakespeare theatre in the park”.
I had a choice to make- I could be “Rules-like” and say I have plans (which I didn’t) or I could go- it sounded fun to see Shakespeare in the Park! So I said told Alan I could go with him. As that turned out that was a turning point in our relationship.
You see Alan in lived in Northern Virginia and I lived in Rockville, Maryland- about 20 miles away. For our first date he drove at least 20 minutes from the other side of the river, picked me up and drove back to Reston, Virginia (a half hour ride from my house). Then, he had to drive me back to my house in Maryland and then back home.
I had one boyfriend who lived in Virginia and expected me to come to his house when we were dating – all the time. I was willing to do some of the traveling half the time. When he asked me to a wedding and refused to pick me up, I ended up not going to the wedding with him and that was the last I saw of him. I’m just that kind of woman! I expect to be treated like a lady, especially for special occasions.
And the next day, Alan drove back to Maryland, picked me up. Fortunately, the show was in Maryland- so that was easier for Alan. We went to the show- this show was one of Shakespeare’s tragedies. We were both getting restless after the first act so we decided to leave and go into town to get some ice cream! (Did I mention the show was free- so it was not a real loss to leave it?) We had a chance to talk some more, and found out that we had similar goals and we meshed in terms of our mindsets.
What I found out is that Alan and a whole group of men (and women) who don’t subscribe to the Rules. They don’t play games and want to know that you are interested in the beginning to continue showing their interest. And if you don’t show interest back, they move on to someone who will. Marriage Minded men do not have time for games or indecisive women.
Personally, asking for a date at the last minute on a regular basis can be a problem, especially if you are desire to date someone who plans ahead their time. For them, that can seem not respectful. In this case, Alan was being spontaneous and I decided to go with the flow! Fortunately, he did not make a habit of it.
So which of your “rules” may be limiting your dating success? Which ones are serving you by setting necessary boundaries? This curious coach wants to know!
In my next post I will talk about which marriage minded double standards for men versus women worked for me and my clients. Coach Amy’s marriage minded dating story continues!
Intentionally yours,
Coach Amy
PS. It’s still not too late to jump in and join my Internet Dating Success tele-coaching program. Go to http://www.attractqualitypeopletodateonline.com and sign up. Use the HMCVIP coupon code to save $50.00!
