When do you start talking about dating exclusively with the person you are dating? For some couples it’s a natural progression. For others, one person in the relationship desires exclusivity and wants to make sure both are on the same page- so a discussion is necessary. There is no right or wrong approach, just one that works for both parties involved. (Does this sound like a negotiation? Well, it can be some times!)
So let me tell you about when it’s a natural occurrence. My client Randy had just turned 40 and had been working with me to get a good understanding of who would be a good partner for herself. She had been dating online and together we tweaked her profile to attract the kind of guy she was really looking for. She met David who was also in his early 40’s and recently divorced with no children. Through the initial emails and phone calls they really clicked. Both seemed to be on the same page – both were marriage-minded and desired a family. So when they met, they just clicked and they were together ever since. Both stopped seeking other partners and they just flowed into exclusivity naturally. They were married within 8 months.
Sounds like a fairytale? Randy describes it as being so. This happens for a few lucky people. So what happens for most people?
For those marriage-minded people who are out there dating getting to know someone takes time. As I mentioned, when I met Alan I was dating several men. Over a course of 2 months I got to know Alan better and we started to click. (We didn’t meet online- we meet face to face so certain information was not readily available- we need to have several conversations to get to that place- especially expressing my goal of marriage and having a child). We were becoming serious and I had developed “rules” for myself about what it would take to be dating in an exclusive relationship.
First, I would not be sexually involved with someone until we were in an exclusive relationship that had the intent for greater commitment. That I spelled out clearly. Given my age of 41, I expressed that I would not stay in an exclusive relationship with someone for more than a year’s time. (Actually I expected to be engaged within six months or would consider moving on). Time was very precious to me and given my goals, I needed my partner to be on the same page.
What kind of “rules” have you set up for yourself to keep you safe from being in an exclusive relationship for years with out a real commitment towards marriage? Granted, those who are under 35 have more time to give to a relationship than those in your late 30’s. (Both my e-book “Motivated to Marry” and my soft cover book “Get It Right This Time” has an engagement to marriage timetable as a guide*).
Alan and I were in an exclusive relationship by the end of August of 2011, 2 months after we connected in Cape May. Actually soon is our 10 year anniversary of being together exclusively! The next step was meeting the members of each of our families. A trip to New York was planned for early September 2011!
The story continues…..
Intentionally yours,
Coach Amy
PS. *LIKE my Marriage Minded Singles FACEBOOK page at http://budurl.com/marriageminded and get my free Motivated to Marry e-book. You can also interact with other marriage minded people there! Get your free RED BRACELET there to declare yourself marriage minded!
