At what point in a serious, marriage-minded relationship do you meet the family and friends of the person who you are dating? Also, if you are a marriage minded single parent, when do you introduce your date to your children?
It’s all a matter of comfort and style. For me, I decided that I was not going to introduce anyone to my family until I knew it was serious. (For me that meant an exclusive relationship with the intent to a further commitment- such as an engagement.) I had introduced boyfriends to my family and wished I hadn’t. There are those unspoken whispers, “Can this be the one?” I just didn’t want to deal with that pressure anymore.
With my friends, I was a bit more relaxed. I did want to see how my boyfriend interacted with my friends earlier than later. I met Alan when I was with my best friend. I did have a policy that I would not bring a guy I am dating to my softball games or bowling league unless it I was practically engaged. I did double date with my couple friends to see how he got along with them. It was nice to see Alan get along with my friends and get their stamp of approval.
After we became exclusive in late August of 2001, we planned a trip to go to meet Alan’s older sisters and my Mom in the New York area. Remember, we had been dating since June so we were at the three month mark. We went to visit his older sister Fran and stayed at her house with her husband and 16 year old son. I also met his other older sister Mimi, who lived 20 minutes away. Fran had a big pool party where she invited the family so they could visit with Alan and meet me. I was introduced to all the family members except Alan’s 80 something mom who lived in Florida. Since Alan was the baby of the family, his two older sisters were very protective of their baby brother. However, he was 47 and they were glad to see that he was dating someone seriously!
On Sunday we went into New York City where I had reserved a room at the Manhattan Club so I could stay an extra day in the city and do buying for my clothing boutique in Bethesda. I introduced Alan to my Mother who came into the City from Long Island to meet him and go to dinner with us. On the next day, Monday, September 10th, we ran around New York City, went to Central Park and enjoyed each other’s company. That night Alan took me to dinner at the Russian Tea Room. I had never been there. It was raining with Thunder showers. After dinner, Alan got into a cab to LaGuardia airport so he could catch the shuttle back to DC. Despite the rain and thunder, he did manage to get a plane back to DC. As it turned out, it was to be the last plane to leave New York.
So when do you meet the family? What I have seen is the sooner it happens, the more serious a person is about the relationship. As an example, Alan was in a 7 year (on and off) relationship with a woman who never introduced him to her family or friends. That is not a good sign. It’s never good to assume anything- someone may have had a bad experience with this and be a little reserved about doing so until they get a better sense of where the relationship is going.
I do think it is important to wait until you are very serious (talking about engagement) before introducing someone to your children. Sometimes you have met the child already because of a social situation such as a Parent without Partners event – then you can say this is Mommy’s friend. I have seen relationships not move forward because of the children not getting along with the boyfriend/girlfriend and or their children.
However, your friends will understand that this is your latest boyfriend/girlfriend so seeing how they mix with your friends earlier than later would be helpful to you.
In my next post, I will talk about a critical aspect to pay attention to in a marriage minded relationship… can you depend on your dating partner in an emergency situation? (Remember, I left our story off on September 10th, 2001!)
Intentionally Yours,
Coach Amy
