I was recently on my local TV station’s mid day magazine program on the subject of breaking up. They wanted my
relationship advice on a recent Men’s Health article (http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlemh.aspx?cp-documentid=19187764 )
about who is breaking up harder for – men or women? I started thinking and researching this relationship question and this is what I concluded…
A lot depends on several factors such as the age of the person. When we are young, we may not have a good sense
of self. We don’t have much experience with love relationships and breakups. We fall heavily into love and our
emotions run strong. So when we break up in our fragile 20’s, it hits us harder. One of my client’s son’s girl
friend broke up with him. He was devastated. He thought she was the one. It turns out she wasn’t ready for a
serious relationship commitment. He didn’t have the perspective to see that this may have been for the best for
both of them at this stage of their life. In time he will move on and meet someone who wants what he wants.
For those women in the mid to late thirties and early forties, a break up may hit really hard. I had a client who
came to me after a horrible breakup. She had been dating a guy for two years and was expecting a marriage proposal.
Instead, the boyfriend broke up with her. Here she had a disappointed dream of happily ever after. She really
wanted a family too and her time was running out. I think breaking up is very hard for women in this age group,
especially if they want to still have a family.
In my next blog post I will explore other factors that make breaking up hard to do!
How have your break ups been? What has been hard for you about breaking up? What have you learned from your
breakups?
This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these relationship questions and any comments
you may have on this subject.
Your relationship coach,
Amy
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I can tell you as a teenager it was miserable to have to break-up with my boyfriend whose family was moving. I thought it WAS the end of the world. As a 50+ adult when my ex said those words “we need a divorce”, I thought I would die. I cried like the world had ended in both occasions, but with the marriage, I had friends, I had my faith, I knew it wasn’t the end of the world and it would be ok, whatever happened. It just wasn’t going to be in the scenario I had created in my mind. Ah,but then the marriage really hadn’t been what I thought it was either.
It was a good thing–It freed us both to be more of who we really were.
I can’t tell you how it affected him. But I do agree with the article in Men’s Health. Women process it with friends and grow. Many guys “stuff it” and it eats them from the inside out or it bleeds into future relationships.
Jude Eastman ~ Life and Soul Coach
Comment on this post
I really believe some people are more expressive than others. I don’t necessarily think it’s gender thing- although women are usually better at expressing themselves. It’s a willingness to talk about the tough stuff. Also, willingness to stick with the relationship to try and work it out instead of assuming the worst and moving on. — Coach Amy
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I have been having a really hard time getting over my ex, i really appreciate all your tips
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