One of the questions I get asked as a relationship life coach is “How do you know it’s the right person?” First, I believe, you do need to spend some time getting to know someone, meet their family and see how they react in stressful situations.
That is why those people who I see get engaged in 3 months and married in six, in my opinion, are rushing into marriage too quickly. I have seen some grave mistakes made that resulted in divorces and great disappointment. Ideally, you want to be able to spend a year with someone before marriage when you are 35 years and older. That way you can see them through a whole year of seasons, holidays and such. In my books I present a recommended timetable of engagement to marriage based upon your age. (www.GetItRightThisTime.com).
As marriage minded singles, Alan and I decided to make the trip to New York and New Jersey to meet our respective families in early September. We had just become exclusive at the end of August. I was very clear of my goal to have a family and I was already 41 years old. We flew to LaGuardia airport and drove a rental car to Northern New Jersey where one of his older sisters lived. His other older sister lived nearby in Rockland County New York. We hung out at his sister’s home and other relatives were invited to visit with Alan. I met his sister’s husband and I had already had met his nephew. I also met his other sister and her husband. Her son was grown and living in the Baltimore, MD area which was an hour’s drive from us. It was very comfortable and Alan’s family had many similarities to my own.
After our visit with his sisters, Alan and I drove into Manhattan where we had a room reserved at a hotel. After our family visit, I was to stay an extra day, Tuesday, to work and do buying for my clothing store in Bethesda. That night, my mother came into the City to meet Alan. We went for dinner at a nearby restaurant to the hotel. My mother knew it was serious if I was going to introduce her to one of my boyfriends. I had stopped doing so after dating a couple of guys- because I didn’t want to get the third degree and listen to, “is this serous?”! We all had a very nice dinner together.
As a marriage minded single, when are you introduced to the family of the person you are dating? What does that mean when you do? I once had a client that waited 2 years before being introduced to her boyfriend’s teenage and college aged children. Alan was in a seven year (off and on) relationship before he dated me and he never got to meet her family or friends. That is a bad sign. When do you meet the kids? That’s a whole other subject (blog post!).
The next day was Monday, September 10th, 2001. Alan and I enjoyed a fun day in the city together. We had a wonderful dinner at the Russian Tea Room. That evening there were thunder showers. As it turned out Alan took home the last plane back to Washington, DC that evening.
The story continues…..
Intentionally yours,
Coach Amy
PS. If you live in the DC area and you are marriage minded, join my Meetup Group at http://budurl.com/DCMMGroup. Meet other marriage minded singles for friendship and dating! We have a meetup scheduled for 9/22 in Rockville, MD. For those outside of the DC area, sign up on my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/marriagemindedsinglesdeclared.
