Last night I gave my “7 Secrets to Getting Love Right” class Downtown DC. We had a nice group of ten people. It seemed like they got into the subject, I held their attention and I got smiles and good physical feedback – nods, smiles and I saw many were taking lots of notes!
I gave a feedback form at the end of the class to get information on how to improve the class and to see my participants reaction. I take that feedback to heart. I got lots of Goods and Excellents with great comments like “good energy” and “practical, helpful information”. However, there was one person who gave me a Fair and gave me some constructive criticism although I really didn’t understand what was missing for her. So why do I care so much and have a desire to try win her over and please her? Why does her comments matter to me?
I had many who were extremely pleased with the class and are interested in continuing the conversation. Why do I focus on those who seem to not really like me (or my materials)?
Do you find yourself in this situation? You meet someone and you have very pleasant conversation. You think it will go somewhere and the person doesn’t call You dwell on it. Okay, some obsess over the fact that this person doesn’t really like you enough to call for a second date. It hurts! The funny thing is initially you were not really interested in dating that person. You have the inclination (and you know better not to!) to get in touch with that person to find out what didn\’t work for them. Perhaps “He really didn’t see the real me”, is what you tell yourself.
Why not just let go and focus on those people who have shown interest in you. No, that would be too easy. We have to struggle to make someone who doesn’t like us change their mind. Isn’t that ludicrous? Instead, I put her feedback form on the bottom of the pile and am determined to focus on those participants who gave me a favorable rating and put them on the top of the pile of feedback forms.
My dating advice to you is to focus on those people who are thrilled to be in your company. Those are the people that matter. Forget those who have not responded positively to you. You know the saying, “You can’t please all the people all of the time” — how true that is!
The way I look at my class is like a bell curve- on the far left end are people who absolutely love me, and the far right end is those who do not like me at all. Then there is a big group of people in the middle who like me just okay. So where on the bell curve are you putting your emotional energy? Are you working hard to impress someone who really does not really care about you? Please chime in! — Coach Amy
Amy,
I have fallen for a man who showed as much interest in me at first as I did him. I livwed with him for a few weeks while I was checkking out Denver as a place to move. He and I got to know each other very well and did well being together that much.
After I moved and we started dating, we started fighting a lot more and I could tell he was getting agitated overall. I think we were around each other too much but I can’t help that I’ve been falling in love with him.
Now I feel like there is a push/pull going on. I can’t tell if he is purposely wanting me to want him more or if he is just less invested now. Please help! I don’t know where to go with this relationship and part of me wants to give up.
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I am curious who asked you to move? Was it his idea or yours? Maybe he liked the old arrangement. As we get closer to what we think we want, the gremlims show up. There is a pacing in a relationship. It shounds like your boyfriend is not ready for a full time, lovey dovey relationship. I would back off a bit and see what happens. Get out here and start dating if he won’t commit to you. Go to http://www.TalkwithCoachAmy.com and we can have a brief conversation about
where you are right now. It seems like coaching can serve you at this time.
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