Here is this week’s scary relationship problem to follow my Halloween Theme: you meet all sorts of people in dating. It’s up to you to pick out worthy people to date who seem to be looking for a serious relationship. In there is lurking this insidious gremlin,” How can I trust this person?” You have probably been disappointed by others in the past and why should the next person be any different?
This is a hard gremlin to shake. Your hesitation to trust may have served you well to keep you safe and yet, where has it gotten you? This takes a lot of work to get beyond the fear and to give a good person a chance. As in any relationship, you do have to set your boundaries, though.
This is my relationship advice on trust. Trust must be earned. It is like a bank account that accumulates trust money over time. However, if a person does something to lose your trust, then you will most likely make an immediate withdrawal of your trust funds! So how can you start trusting someone?
My dating advice to you is to see how the person follows through on what they say. Is he reliable? He shows up on time (and if he is going to be late then he calls you to tell you so). He makes dates with you in advance and keeps the date. Is he open about his life: friends, family, work, or his dating intentions? Can you talk about an issue without him changing the subject or invalidating your feelings? Is he easy to get a hold of and forthcoming about his plans?
Eventually you do have to trust the person you are dating. What do your instincts say? If something is bothering you about a person, listen to your instincts. Trust is an integral component of an intimate serious relationship. Without trust, a relationship will not survive. Tread lightly if you must. Talk about your feelings around trust openly to your love relationship to gain a greater sense of security and deepen your intimacy.
When I was dating after a divorce (where my trust in my husband was crushed in my first marriage), I acknowledged my how can I trust this person gremlin, paid my respects to it and journeyed forth into dating, knowing that this gremlin had my back.
When does this gremlin come up for you? How have you managed dating despite this gremlin? What impact has trust had on your love relationships?
This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these relationship questions!
